I’ll have a retro PPV post up shortly. Remember, it’s http://www.thejohnreport.net from this point forward. We’re growing!

As we start the show our host, Matt Striker tells us that success or failure for the Rookies is based upon votes by the Pros. The pros are not allowed to vote for or against their own Rookie. Ok, well at least they’re making it seem like a competition, because last week it just seemed like we were just going to have a bunch of random matches. I don’t know if I like the whole voting concept, I would have preferred the Rookies earning points for wins, but it’s something. Let’s see how it plays out.

David Otunga vs. Darren Young

This is a rematch from last week; maybe Young can last 45 seconds this week. Cole says that Young requested this match. I didn’t know Rookies could request matches.  I love the look on Punk’s face like he would rather have a raccoon shoved up his butt than be here. They got about 9 minutes to work here and it was a nice little match. Young was in control for most of it. He seems like he can wrestle and Otunga just seems like Ezekiel Jackson with a star cut into his hair. The end came when Gallows and R-Truth were arguing on the outside, the referee went to break them up and Punk tripped up Otunga allowing Young to hit some sick looking move. It was a full nelson into a slam where Otunga’s face hit the mat. Good job by these two here. This is how I’d like NXT to be. Give the Rookies decent time to work so we can see what they got.

Winner- Darren Young. **

After the match, Punk, Gallows and Serena leave without Young. Truth goes into the ring to console Otunga, but Otunga shoves Truth and leaves. I’m very interested by the Young/Punk partnership. It’s probably the most interesting behind Miz/Bryan.

We get the Rookie Video Package on Daniel Bryan and then we see him getting worked on by the trainer when The Miz walks in. Miz calls him scum and says despite his “boo boo” he has a match with Wade Barrett. Then Miz slaps him in his injured area. The payoff when Miz finally meets Bryan in the ring is going to be huge. We’re not even half way through the 2^nd episode and I already can’t wait for it to end, just so we can see Bryan and Miz wrestle.

We come back from commercial with Striker interviewing Otunga about his match when Truth comes by pissed off about what getting shoved earlier. They brawl for a bit. So, another Pro has a beef with his Rookie. I like the idea of having feuds on the show to create interest, but do all the Pros have to hate their Rookies?

The World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho brings out his Rookie Wade Barrett and we get the Rookie Video Package on him. What’s up with the flower in is overcoat?

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett

Jericho gets on commentary during the match. Bryan comes to the ring minus his pro. Holy cow! That was a sick running knee that Bryan hit on Barrett. The match is over after 2 minutes. I don’t know if Bryan slipping off the top rope was supposed to happen or was a botch, but the match ended right after that with Barrett hitting a slam out of the fireman’s carry position. Normally, I would get worked up about Bryan getting jobbed out like this, but I’m not too worried about it because it’s all going to build into the Miz feud once NXT is done. Barrett has the WWE size. Next week he needs to get a 10 minute match to see what he’s got. This should be rated a DUD, but I’m going to award it something because that running knee was just so freakin’ awesome.

Winner- Wade Barrett ¾*

After the match Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho on Bryan, the one with some “stank” on it, to borrow a term from John.

We see Christian and his Rookie Heath Slater in the gym. Slater is talking about how his social networking sites are blowing up. I hope mine are too. Christian tells him he still has to earn the respect on the WWE Universe. I want to state my undivided man love for Christian. If he doesn’t win Money in the Bank then Vince is crazy. Oh wait, he is.

Striker is in the back with Matt Hardy and his Rookie, Justin Gabriel. Gabriel says Matt is a great mentor. Matt says he needs to go pass the test in the ring. Gabriel looks like he should be touring with Justin Bieber. Yes, I just mentioned Justin Bieber in a wrestling blog. I 100% understand if you boycott me next week.

Matt Hardy and Justin Gabriel vs. William Regal and Skip Sheffield

Gabriel and Sheffield were the only Rookies we didn’t get a look at last week, and since my DVR says that I’m 51 minutes into the show, this looks like it’s this week’s main event. Regal is the perfect guy to be a Pro, especially if he’s going to be put into matches with the Rookies. He works that old-school, stiff style and you know he’ll work a little stiffer on the Rookies to show them WWE isn’t all fun and games. They got a little more than 10 minutes to work and it was ok. Matt took most of the punishment and the match was flat when that happened. I like Bieber, uh I mean Gabriel. He’s got that Evan Bourne style. That might not be a good thing because Vince doesn’t seem to like Evan. And why doesn’t Vince like Evan ladies and gentleman??? If you answered Vince is crazy, you’d be correct! I wasn’t at all impressed with Sheffield. It seems like the order of the day is for the Pros to have a problem with their Rookies as Regal was yelling at him throughout the whole match. Justin hit a ridiculous 450 splash on Regal for the win. Big ups to Regal, he is the 1^st Pro to get beat by a Rookie, just goes to show the guy is about the business.

Winners- Matt Hardy and Justin Gabriel. *3/4

We go to the back where Striker is with the 6 other Rookies when Carlito comes by and spits apple at Heath Slater. That’s cool. Slater is not happy about getting apple spit on him. I guess those two will wrestle next week. Striker says that’s NXT as the show ends.

Final Thoughts

This was a much better showing than last week. We got 2 matches that were around the 10 minute mark, which is what I like to see because we need to know if the Rookies can wrestle and 2 minute matches don’t tell us that. I don’t like the fact that most of the Pros have a problem with their Rookies. They need to come up with something different to create feuds on the show. Miz and Bryan weren’t the focus of the show this week like they were last week, but that’s ok. As long as Bryan is the one Rookie that is on every week, I’m fine with that, just keep building the heat on the feud every week. They mentioned that voting by the Pros would determine the Rookies’ success, but we didn’t see it. I don’t know when they are going to announce it; it really should be at the end of the show. I was a little disappointed that Cole wasn’t full blown heel tonight, rather he had heel like tendencies. A better show than last week for sure. I just want to note that when I score NXT it’s done with a curve so-to-speak when compared to RAW. RAW is to be held to a higher standard, so if an episode of RAW played out like tonight’s NXT did, RAW would not receive the same grade, and it would almost certainly be lower. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, this week’s WWE NXT gets a 6.5/10.

As always, it’s social network plugging time.

Please check out my blog at www.doctormoney.wordpress.com where I have daily posts on WWE, sports or whatever is on my mind that day. I have a feature called “Video of the Day” where I post a classic WWE match/moment or a funny video I want to share.

You can follow me on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/CMHII

You can also become a fan of the Doctor Money Facebook fan page.

Doctor Money’s Fan Page

Please stop by Formspring to submit questions for me to answer. They can be about WWE, sports, TV, movies or whatever is on your mind. The questions can be funny or serious and there is no log in required to ask questions, just click the link and ask away.

http://www.formspring.me/DoctorMoney

Thank you for your support of me thus far and your continued support in the future. See ya next week.

Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFest
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport) after I asked for some comments about the show. The comments in green are from the commentfesters while the comments in the brackets are from me. We got 1600+ comments this week.

Are You Ready? No, I said ARE YOU REEEEEEEEADY?!? For the hottest 2 hours on the World Wide Web! Are you ready for the most midget kickin’, bullriding, Cheech and Chonging, Mickie James-Canton loving, Michael Cole slapping, crazier than Crazy Crazy & Crazy Orton Lady, too. Whiter than Sheamus, tougher than Super Cena, pulling more booty than Granpa Dave, no more glowsticks for HBK. The limo crashing, quad tearing, VINTAGE~! festival that is COMMENTFEST!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the festival of comments, otherwise known as the best part of monday night wrest… errr, sports entertainment. Allow me to introduce our host

Ladies and Gentlemen….. John Canton (Haha this was fantastic although the bank thing came to an end. New and better job in effect now.)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to facebooks first ever sight crashing, twitter trending, commenfesting, sarcastic posting, VINTAGE using, OUTTA NOWHERE quoting, festival of comments. aka the home of THE WHIPPED MAN, EDWODDLE, THE READY PEOPLE, DOUBLE N, CRAZY SQUARED, and of course THE COMMENTFEST BABYFACE. i think i mixed up the names a little, o well i doubt anybody will notice.

Its 2am. Its Raw, Unfortunately its the highlight of my week! (Whattup John Terry!)

Where’s RVD when you need him? …No, really. I want RV-fucking-D. (Once the fines for pot use went up to $2,500 from $1,000 he got the F out.)

And now it’s time for the weekly pre-show song by my boy Dre. I don’t think he’s a Dr. though.

(To the tune of All-Star by Smash Mouth)

Cause all we want is to post
And thank John C for being our host….

Now the show starts.

Who else FUCKING HATES NICKELBACK!? First they ruined Raw intros, then the Olympics closing ceremony last night? I wanna revoke my Canadian status just to separate myself from those VINTAGE~! douchebags. (Thanks for posting, John Canton…even though I didn’t post this. I agree.)

I thought I just heard Cole say WWE fans, but I know that’s not possible. This is a Universe.

HBK opening a show without DX music? WHAAAAT? (My reaction was more like “Thank God.”)

WWE has created something new to go along with SERIOUS VOICES~ and SERIOUS MUSIC~ during this Michael’s promo… SERIOUS LIGHTING~

Did HBK and Taker compete in a Hotdog Eating Contest the last two weeks??? (Thanks Joey Chestnut) (I bet on Chestnut once and won. Swear to God. Yes, I’m nuts.)

The McMahan Family Avenger has decided to hit the reset button and start the game…

If Shawn superkicks HHH I will build a church to that man.

HHH must have read John Canton’s “Respecting The Game” colum, which is now available through his blog or his facebook homepage! (It was actually written by Vince McMahon. We’re tight.)

“Shawn, I am not here to tell you that you can’t win. I am here to recommend a great read about my historic career. Just visit http://johnreport.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/the-john-report-respecting-the-game/ . Thanks!” (That’s even more clever!)

I would say I’m surprised Hunter said something nice about someone else… but other than Shawn, there ain’t many others he would… (See that Hunter? Internet fans hate you. Not me. You had me at hello.)

I’m calling it right now: Triple H will turn on Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania. (A few people are suggesting this. I doubt it.)

“I LOVE YOU JOHN CENA” sign at 8:11 CST…Have I mentioned …”I HATE JOHN CENA!”

Trips with the “I believe” moment of the night.

Vintage lazy eye.

In with seperate themes, out with the DX theme… three musical numbers within 15 minutes… (So diverse.)

I got munchies hardcore now. Like, I smoked something or something. Wait, where am I?

Get It Legal tour? Get what…legal? WWE PG programming for the win.

Cheech and Chong = 4:20 out of 10 see what I did there?

Why oh why did Maria have to get released over these two deadwood Bella twins. (Because Maria has other interests while the Bellas interests are to stand there, do nothing, smile and get paid six figures for it. God Bless America. Their role models are Vanna White, the Price is Right girls and chicks at car shows.)

And thus, the Bellas have completed their weekly task of being guest host arm candy — write up that paycheck, Vince!

Lucky Charms!! The choice of stoners worldwide!

This is terrifying while you are high. (Or not high. Trust me.)

Wait Lucky Charms gets you high?…WWE is indorsing Weedy Charms?

GO TEAM CANADA GO! (That’s what I was thinking too.)

By the way… shame on WWE planting drug paraphenalia references on a PG show… um…. can I get a hit (Thanks for posting 1/2 of the WWE Raw Roster, Afroman, RVD, Jeff Hardy, and Bobby Brown) (George W. Bush too. No way he’s not high. See how much he giggles?)

Wo wwe is pg, but they have a “getting high while eating lucky charms segment” wack. I hate hornswaggle. (You’re in for saying wack. I like that word.)

Nice face pop for Orton. And he looks thrilled about it. lol

Wow……I hate hornswoggle. Almost as much as Cole. …..ALMOST.

I was watching some old Royal Rumbles this weekend, and I realized something…I miss Heel King…He was such a sleazeball, but in a good way…Now he is a nutered shell of his former self. And who’s to blame? Well, none other than King Douche himself, Michael Cole. His duchebaggary is contangious. He is like the Syphillis of announcing. (Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear!)

Notice how fast (relatively speaking) Orton comes to the ring now that he’s face? See kids: good makes you quick!! (So do steroids. Thanks for the advice, Ben Johnson, Canadian hero.)

One of these days….I know…dibiase is going to have an aneurysm…dudes veins stick out more than Michael Clarke Duncan in Slovakia. (Ha. I liked that.)

Cole, Helen Keller saw the Legacy Implosion coming for weeks now. I like you so much better on Tuesday.

“Trademark” uppercut – 2:24am GMT!

Did trademark just replace vintage?

Trademark, Cole? Are you getting tired of VINTAGE already?

FLOOR TO COMMERCIAL SPOT~! 9:24 PM EST~! (It’s a trademark spot. Now I’m saying it.)

Spot to the floor! (checking off checklist) That takes care of the glowsticks, the baby oil, the viper poster, and the spot remover…

Edge and Slim Jim again, rofl….. I was just thinking about his older commercials with them. (We don’t get them in Canada. I don’t feel deprived.)

God- I know we don’t talk much….I know I have said and done some things that have forsaken you in your eyes, but please resurrect Andy Kaufman so he can turn Jerry Lawler into the entertaining asshole that he supposed to be- PLEASE!

Michael Cole is the best in the world at whatever it is he happens to do. He Deserves Respect!!!! (Thanks for posting, obvious drunk. Maybe he can be called Crazy Cole Guy? I don’t know if I want to encourage that.)

9:25. Michael Cole “Pinning Randy Orton was the crown jewel of his career so far”. He’s won the Tag Team titles…. Oh shit. There I go thinking about Tag Team division again… Sorry Vince!

Are we Cole? Are we back live on Raw?

VINTAGE!!!! 2:30am GMT!

I dont appreciate the way Teddy is handling my Randy. Come on Randall! Use the power of your sexy glare to paralyze him! Yes! The fans say yay! (Hey it’s Crazy Orton Lady!)

VINTAGE @ 2130 MILITARY TIME!!!

Vintage Orton @ 830 CST!!! And King called out the ass head for it!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!

Vintage Michael Cole @ 9:31 EST (Yep, Crazy Cole Guy again.)

Vintage storyline-straight-from-Randy-Orton’s-Road-to-WrestleMania-story-arc-from-SvR2010-ing by Legacy! …No, seriously, play Orton’s RTWM mode arc through, it’s essentially the same. Orton takes Rhodes/DiBiase under his wing, Legacy turns on Orton (albeit, in the game, it’s because Orton becomes World Champion, declares that there’s no legends left to kill and thus declares himself a “legend” himself), which could all very well lead to some sort of Orton/Legacy match at WrestleMania. (I don’t play video games anymore, but I assume this is true. If not,

King just called them ‘The MizShow’ with the graphic on the TV calling them ‘ShowMiz.’ King just doesn’t care anymore, does he? (Absolutely not.)

Heh heh. I still laugh when I think of NXT’s Michael Tarver “scoring” Carlito (Underachiever, and Proud of It!) Colon as his “mentor”…that’s like getting Paris Hilton as an acting coach.

Maybe the Big Show will team up with Berserk the Mechanical Bull and drop the Miz.

Guys! Come on! Everyone knows Kelly Kelly is with me ;) there’s nothing to worry about, I promise. Oh btw, Kelly Kelly says hi. (I think Crazy Crazy is on the same “sweets” that Cheech & Chong were on.)

Lawler: That can only mean one person- I know that foot anywhere- I can still taste it! (enjoy that one, my fellow old school fans) (Ha, Bret hated working with Lawler so much. Read his book.)

Okay, okay, that was actually funny.

TITTY DANCE~! 9:38 PM EST~! (Hi Vince, you sick creep.)

Best guest host segment ever…

lmao that scene with Tommy Chong massaging Eve and then it turns into Regal’s head… thats great writing!

Damn the steroids shrunk Masters balls to the point that he sounds like a woman…when will he learn…at least he can do the titty dance!

Kelly Kelly?!! (Sorry Crazy x2, it was Masters Masters.)

Oh great….My fave: Cena: “I should be going tO WRESTLEMANIA, BUT THEY WON’T LET ME ON THE PLANE UNtil I stop screAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!”

CONFRONTATION???????????????

DID YOU KNOW: Canadians care more about Crosby more this week than Bret Hart, no matter how “hurt” he is. (Yep, Sid the Kid is the new God up here.)

Yes King, talk slower, so you make sure not to mess up. Good boy. (Give him some Scooby Snacks.)

Okay, what is this about Batista being a granddad? I don’t recall ever hearing him having children of his own who then had kids. What is this, I don’t even… (He has two grandkids and he’s only 41. Google it. Thanks for the suggestion, David Otunga.)

Yep, the winner of this match is definitely the opponent of Jack Swagger. (Or not.)

Hmmmm, the jobber vs the comedy guy…Jobber might win one…That would be the alll american american jobber by the way.

Jack Swagger’s going to fucking WrestleMania!!!!!!!!!

King…Its the Cobra..you fucktard……Hes even got a shirt about it…Damn your contagious hide Cole. You are the Swine Flu of commentating… (Fozzie Bear SMASH! Fozzie Bear ANGRY!)

Is Batista wearing a Member’s Only Leather Vest?

Is that mad max? …nope batista.

I wish I had those guys as my security. (Thanks for posting, Barack Obama.)

(in response to Batista’s outfit) It’s fun to stay at the Y—M—C—A!

Awesome video package for the Undertaker/Michaels rematch. Perfect music. (Really? I was hoping for something by Katy Perry personally.)

Let’s see… themes by Kevin Rudolf, AC/DC, and Johnny Cash… that’s like comparing horse manure, Michael Cole and Hershey chocolate.

Is that why Haas was released? Batista wanted his gimmick idea, new outfit/personality each week.

Has anyone ever told Batista that leather vests, charm necklaces and belly button tattoos all combined are the exact opposites of manly and intimidating? (No, but the ladies love it.)

Did you know: The US/Canada Gold Medal Game was watched by more people than Raw, Smackdown and NXT…combined! but we don’t want the WWE universe to know that. (thanks for posting Vince McMahon)

Did You Know?: Raw beat other cable tv shows because olympic hockey wasn’t on and nobody cares about NCAA Basketball unti the 3rd week of March. (I heart John Wall of Kentucky.)

Impressive…raw beat Olympic cross country skiing on cnbc…go wwe! Boo patriotism!!

Someone forgot to tell Cena that they played the ‘beat-down’ video recap already.

LOOK AT THAT HORRIBLE BLACK VEST CRAP BATISTA’S WEAR WEARING!! (thanks for posting Commentfest, YMCA, Biker’s, Austin, who else am I missing?) (You missed John Canton on a Saturday night. Once.)

WTF, I just realized Cena no sold that beating? WHAT THE HELL!

Mister Batista? Really?

Alright people, we are behind pace, we are at 712 comments before hour two… we need to pick up the pace…. (Ever heard the Adam Sandler song “At a Medium Pace?” It’s going to be my wedding song. Don’t tell MJC.)

Dammit, I was gonna wear my sleeveless leather jacket with no shirt tomorrow but now I’ll look like an ass if I do. (Same.)

Looks like Grandpa Dave’s been shopping at Hot Topic.

Ohhhh batista’s wristband is SHINY! looks like something my fiance’ would own.

He called him a PANSY? seriously… wow… cutting. (I’m offended by it.)

Oooh, “Pansy”. THAT’LL sting, Cena! (Thanks for posting, sarcastic Attitude Era fan who remembers when phrases like “asshole” and “son of a bitch” would still fly on live TV).

Pansy(pan-z);verb; WWE’s PG way of calling Batista a pussy…its in the dictionary..Google it.

Batista: They label YOU as the man…John Cena- the NAME AND FACE OF THE WWE…YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!!

I lost interest….. what the hell are they talking about again? (This is your WWE title match! Exciting, huh?)

The biggest star in this company is Michael Cole. (Crazy Cole Guy.)

Batista just gained massive heel heat comparin John Cena to Stone Cold.

Seriously, how the hell could Batista put on that outfit and think he looks good? He’s got a leather wristband with diamonds on it. Fucking diamonds! (That’s not even sarcasm. It’s to the point and I agree.)

Cena looked and sounded like he was about to cry…I typed that using serious typing.

Batista wonders why Cena is the man and not him… maybe that’s because Batista has been on the injurted list at least once a year!! Ah shit, srr Ive been thinking logically again!

Bad thing happen in the ring with Batista and Cena…it starts when the bell rings.

Batista : “You keep kissing babies and hugging fat girls!” Star of the Night for that line!

Easy Grandpa Dave nothing wrong with kissing fat girls…they taste like chicken! (The guy that posted this has a facebook last name of Straightedge. He’s better than you.)

This promo is the best mic work these 2 have done in quite some time. I love heel Batista.

I WALK ALONE….with security!!!!

Batista + awesome promo + stupid outfit = Cena win @ Wrestlemania. (And about 3 title switches between the two at the next few PPVs after WM.)

PRIMO SIGHTING AT 9:13 PM CENTRAL!! (We’d like to wish you the best on your future…wait I’m a few days early.)

I let all you amoeba tire your self out during the first hour as I sat in the corner observing, its like Royal Rumble on Commentfest!

KATIE LEE BURCHILL!!!!!!!!!! (YES I AM A KATIE MARK)

My God…the sad thing is, this horrifically racist display is the most dignified thing Chavo’s been involved in in weeks.

I feel so ashamed watching Raw tonight. (Thanks for posting, Vince McMahon.)

Zach Ryder sighting @ 8:13!

RYDER ON RAW!!!……Wait, I just realized I don’t care. (I’m convinced Jerry Lawler has never seen Ryder before. He was so confused by him.)

Even Batista thinks Ryder’s tights are gay.

The asian chick has Hello Kitty pajamas.

LOL, yea kelly kelly bite on that lollipop! (Just like she did at her job interview.)

PJ Party/Fight. Sorry I’m not 12, I dont get erections over crap. I’m a real man, I watch internet porn! (There’s porn on the internet? I only go on the internet for the articles.)

What the hell does a lollipop have to do with pajamas or pillow fights?

Sorry Whipped Guy… Go watch The Bachelor or something for the next 10 minutes… (He probably did.)

All these matches have been about a min. My gf is hoping the divas pillow fight will be about the same so i cant see them. (Poor Whipped Guy.)

Kelly Kelly!!!!!!! Thanks for posting on behalf of Crazy Crazy.

I agreed to see that stupid Bounty Hunter movie just so I can watch the divas match. Tough price to pay. (That’s a terrible deal, Whipped Guy.)

Wow, making jokes with the mic to smoke. And making voices. Look at this. This is just so PG.

I’m sure, it’s moments like this, where Gail Kim feels good about leaving TNA for WWE. (She gets paid more. Probably double. That makes her smile.)

Kelly kelly!!!!!!! Omg!!!!! Sexy!!!! Yess!!!!!!! (There’s Crazy Crazy.)

jilllian omg omg omg and stevie ray omg omg damn and i just changed the bed.

Crazy Crazy made it!!!! (Whipped Guy is a huge fan. Not that huge according to his girlfriend. Yes, she writes me.)

Omg!!!!! Kelly kelly!!!!! Omg!!!! (CC is such a wonderful wordsmith.)

Dear Michael Cole:

I hate you, you stupid fuck….
Fozzie & Nickname Guy (That was just mean, Fozzie Bear. I’m telling Kermit.)

Man I would love for Eve to summersault on me. Over and over and over and over again.

Would be amazing if Awesome Kong came out and put Hornswaggle through the announce table right now? That would make my dream come true. (Awesome.)

She’s soooo sexy!!!! Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly!!!! (Wow, 4 times for CC.)

VINTAGE HORNSWOGGLE!

VINTAGE HORNSWOGGLE @ 1028!

BEST PART OF NIGHT! COLE GETTING CRAP THROWN AT HIM!!!

omg words cant describe what i just saw. all i can say is thank god im stoned for real because it definitely would have been far worse sober. (Thanks for posting, Timbaland.)

It’s the Mad Dog! Dude always looked nuts.

Bret Hart’s had more farewell’s than Ric Flair! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

THE GREAT KHALI THINKS……..THIS IS A BIG WASTE…….OF………….TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmmmm……….there wasn’t enough Kelly Kelly (And that’s a wrap for Crazy Crazy this week. His observations are amazing aren’t they?)

That McMahon powerwalk is so cool, I would do that going to my own vasectomy.

VINCE… FORGET WHAT YOU DID TO BRET HART… NEVER INTERRUPT JUSTIN ROBERTS AGAIN! I OFFICIALLY CLAIM JUSTIN ROBERTS! (This is just wrong.)

Man, if the NFL ran their Hall of Fame like WWE does, Trent Dilfer would already be in. (And Rex Grossman when he retires. I think Billy Joe Tolliver is getting inducted soon.)

If anyone was wondering, Yoshi Tatsu said “What are you doing? You’re all weird.” (Now I can sleep tonight.)

Props to the cameraman for catching Vince in the reflection of Bret’s glasses. I laughed pretty hard.

That was a cool mirror shot of Vincent Kennedy mcmahon in mavericks aviators… (Top Gun reference? Sure.)

McMahon said Fans!! WTF??? I thought we were a universe. (I’m offended.)

I CAN’T WRESTLE, I GOT A BROKEN LEG, IDIOT!

He’s taking on brets biggest fan? John Canton? (No, I love Vince. We would never fight. I call him dad.)

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HART VS MCMAHON!!! (I’m pretty sure I told you this was happening three months ago. Thanks for reading.)

I AM READY TO GET READY!!! IT IS TIME FOR THE SKIPPING…FOR THE CROTCH CHOPPING…SUCK IT YELLING…WEARING NEON GREEN LIKE ITS KNOW ONES BUSINESS…AND MORE COCK JOKES THAN I HEARD IN HIGH SCHOOL….IT IS TIME FOR DX…DX IS HERE…DX IS HERE….ARE YOU READY???? (It’s the last we will see READY guy. He is going to off himself.)

Ok, I’m back. So what happened?? I see HBK w/ a new video, NICE! What happened w/ VKM/Hitman?

Hey maybe Chris Angel can make an illusion where everybody believes Cena actually sells injuries.

Those DX guys are so edgy. If I was their age, I’d dress up like a golfer and occasionally a lost member of the Village People.

I wanna see a Jerishow reunion!! I miss there theme song. (No. Jericho’s better on his own. World Champ.)

VINTAGE MICHAELS 11:02 PM EST~! (I swear No Nickname Needed aka Triple N is the first to get the vintage in every week.)

Vintage! ~ 4:02am GMT! (Drunken bits staying up til 4am amaze me.)

It would have been the funniest shit if that Undertaker image had turned into one of those superimposed mouth images from Conan O’Brien. (I miss Coco.)

SHEAMUS BOWT FN TIME (About is such a long word that you have to shorten it and spell it BOWT? I like that.)

OH MY GOD THIS ARENA IS HAUNTED- A GHOST JUST JUMPED TRIPS FROM BEHIND!!! LET’S GET OUT OF HERE, SCOOBS!

He’s Mr. Heat Miser! He’s Mr. Sun! He’s Mr. Heat Blister! He Mr. 101! Oh my bad, that was Sheamus.

What’s oranger, Sheamus’ hair or Triple H’s skin?

Sheamus went from Kissin Trips’ ass to kickin his ass. (And then he apologized backstage.)

Is Sheamus pissed cause HHH didnt spot for him in the gym?

How do you know a show is not very good? The recaps last longer than the actual wrestling.

Anyway, off to bed I go… maybe I will dream that Commentfest will be posted earlier than normal… by the way, Mickie James-Canton! (If you pay me more than my job pays me then it will get posted earlier. I’m like Gail Kim. I sell out for money.)

Mickie James should marry John Canton. There we go. I just made it into Commentfest. (Fine.)

First Commentfest! MJC! (And another one.)

WOW! I am going to Wrestlemania and there will be no Triple H in the main event. I got my money;s worth already!!!!

Good night all…Thank you yet AGAYYYN for Commentfest saving my Monday Night! (Suck that, Straight Edge Society. Commentfest has saved more people than you. Have a beer on me.)

But wait, there’s more! Here are the people that message me from Twitter at twitter.com/johnreport:

“I have no career….until DX reforms in 8 months”

“There is a buzz around the locker room…” (this serious HBK promo brought to you by Google Buzz) (I like it.)

Did he put Ecstasy in the Lucky Charms box!…Sneaky lil hobbit

wait cole said trademark and not vintage, who is he and what did he do with dou- uhh the real michael cole

I’m confused after that match. Who’s turning face: Orton, Rhodes, DiBiase, or none of the above?

A Jack Swagger appearance & victory on Raw?!?!?! Am I watching the wrong show??? (Yep.)

I really wish Batista would stop raiding Rob Halford’s closet.

Did he just admit the company decides on championships.. (I think so.)

Batista goes from old man golf outfit to gay steel mill duds? Where’s the bondage mask and gag ball to go with that vest? (That’s out of my realm of expertise, sorry.)

I hope to God Batista doesn’t dress himself.

Batista/cena one of the best promos in a while.

Holy fuckballs! Batista beat up one of the Village People and stole his vest!

I’m kind of a suit guy, and I wanna know two things…where and why do you get a suit with purple fucking pinstripes? Vince? (At least it’s not orange.)

ShoMiz??? they’re definitely doing it that way so you cant claim idea infringement. (Those bastards!)

Can we send someone to make sure crazycrazy is still conscious right about now? Maybe some oxygen? Giggity. (He has a week to rest.)

Congrats go to Popeye the Sailor Man on the HOF induction.

Just wanted2 say Vince never said STUPID ORANGE CRAP! His exact words were “Better than that ORANGE CRAP YOU WEAR!” ..K.U.T.G.W! (Yes, but I like STUPID ORANGE CRAP so I will continue to use it. Thanks for telling me to keep up the good work, dad. I mean Vince.)

That’s it for today. Have a good one.

John Canton

Live from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma this is the Raw Deal…

I miss Jim Ross. That’s what I think of when I see Raw’s in OKC. Oh, and Kevin Durant is absolutely disgusting. He’s one of the five best players in the NBA at the age of 21. Filthy.

Shawn & Hunter begin PromoMania
We start out Promomania with a promo from Shawn Michaels talking about WrestleMania. You have to love how the guy still gets these ridiculously huge pops even though he blatantly cost The Undertaker the World Title just eight days earlier. Goes to show how much people want to see Shawn/Undertaker and don’t really care about Undertaker losing the shiny belt. Shawn said Undertaker’s 17-0, but that nobody gave Taker a run for his money like Shawn did last year. He also talked about how the locker room (what, no catchy name for them Universe for the fans?) was full of people that doubted he could beat Undertaker at WM. He wanted somebody to meet him face to face to talk about it. Out came Triple H. Hey, I read a column about him today. Did you? Shawn was pissed off thinking that HHH doubted him. No Shawn, HHH loves you. He believes in you. He gave a nice pep talk saying that the fans and cameras don’t matter, he’s speaking to Shawn only. Shawn’s the best ever. This is true. I liked this. They got around to the point of the whole thing being that after HBK beats Undertaker he’ll still be in WWE, so the night after WM they can defend the tag titles they will win back as they get their rematch. That’s a clever way of saying they don’t really want to win the tag titles, but they might as well milk the DX thing for one more night. I liked the segment. Best part of the show. If it ended here 9/10. Too bad there was more to come.

It was time for the awkward backstage segment with the Bella twins talking to Cheech & Chong. Cheech walked away with the Bellas while Hornswoggle came in to give Chong some Lucky Charms that were actually Psychadellic and caused the room to spin for Chong. Yes, this actually happened. I’m sure Vince thought it was great. It wasn’t. Pass me the sugar.

Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase ended in a countout (*1/2)
This was something of a letdown. The crowd was dead for most of it with Orton getting the initial face pop, but not getting much the rest of the way. They worked about eight or nine minutes, no finishers were attempted and Rhodes interfered. Orton eventually fought them off as the heels went up the ramp like a couple of baby oil babies. We found out later it would be Orton vs. Rhodes & Dibiase next week. I’m going to assume we get a triple threat at WM although I’m not sure on that. Make no mistake about it, Orton’s the face in this feud. The turn is happening.

I don’t know how to recap the next Cheech & Chong segment. Let’s just say that Chong got him some of the sugar (the PG way of saying weed, I guess) and he was tripping out too. The comedy ensued as they thought Regal was really Eve while they thought titty dancing Masters was really Kelly. Once again, I’m sure Vince thought this was great. Is Austin the host yet? This was fucking brutal. I don’t know who this appeals to. I really don’t. And I have no beef with Cheech & Chong. It just didn’t work. This was so chuffing dumb. (Shout out to drunken Phil!)

I love the picture that said “Confrontation?” in front of images of Batista & Cena. Pass me the sugar.

Jack Swagger d. Santino to qualify for MITB (SQUASH)
It was over in 30 seconds with the Gutwrench Powerbomb. Poor Santino doesn’t even get to threaten with the Cobra. Congrats on making Money in the Bank, Jack. You’re not winning.

Batista walked from the dressing room with security. I wasn’t sure about Batista’s look tonight. The guy’s a weird dresser, isn’t he? He busted out the pink shirt at the Slammy’s, he’s dressed like a golfing grandpa numerous times and tonight he looked like somebody out of a biker gang. I think the Disciples of Apocalypse from 1997 are going to sue him for gimmick infringement. No, I’m not making fun of the Badass Grandpa. I’m just saying his look perplexes me.

Cena & Batista talked to continue PromoMania
Cena came out sporting his STUPID ORANGE CRAP to deliver a promo. He didn’t do his “talk real quiet before GETTING REALLY LOUD” thing. He kept it at an even level talking about how hard he’s worked to get where he’s at. Batista came out to explain his motivation for attacking Cena. He said he wanted Cena at WM, so he got DQ’d on purpose the week before and then sent a message to Cena afterwards. He bitched about how the WWE promotional machine picked Cena to be the face of WWE even though Batista’s done just as much. He went on this speech about how they have been the biggest stars in WWE since the Attitude Era ended (what’s this era called anyway?) noting that they each won major titles at WM21 (Batista beating HHH, Cena beating JBL). Batista said he doesn’t care about the fans like Cena does. He cares about the money (and the ladies – he didn’t say that last part). While Cena’s kissing babies and hugging fat girls, Batista will be in the gym thinking about beating Cena at WrestleMania. He ended it by saying Cena can’t beat him and he knows it. And I guess Batista won this Promomania showdown because his music played to end the segment. This was a good promo especially from Batista. Also, if you don’t think his heel persona is better than his babyface one then you’re as high as Cheech, Chong and crazy Vince McMahon combined. Heel Batista is excellent. The top three heels in WWE right now (Jericho, Punk, Batista) are as good as the company has had in a very long time.

More Cheech & Chong. Dear God. Chavo was dressed in a Mariachi outfit while Carlito & Primo also had getups even though they’re Puerto Rican and can’t stand eachother. Yeah, who can forget that epic feud? Then Katie, Yoshi and a chicken with Santino’s voice told us the pajamas pillow fight was coming up next. Brutal. Pass the sugar.

MVP d. Zach Ryder to qualify for MITB (SQUASH)
Got more time than the last MITB, but still only a minute long. Somebody asked me in an email if I’d rather see a house show or a Raw live. I pick a house show. Why? Because at least you get 2 hours of wrestling. With Raw, you get stuff like this.

The six guys in the Money in the Bank match are Christian, MVP, Jack Swagger, Kane, Dolph Ziggler and Shelton Benjamin. Two more spots left. At this point it seems like Christian is the pick to win. Not sure who will get added.

Cheech & Chong come out as the announcers put over their great job as guest hosts. Great job? What the hell did they even do? They were allegedly the guest ring announcers even though they announced nothing.

Eve won some ridiculous pajama pillow fight (I have no idea)
They were dressed in pajamas. Eve pinned Alicia the wedding planner. Match got more time than the two Money in the Bank matches combined. “I have no idea” is the greatest star rating I’ve given a match. Post match, Hornswoggle gave everybody Lucky Charms as Cole tried to prevent Lawler from eating it. That was exciting. Maybe the worst guest hosts ever. And that’s saying something.

Mad Dog Vachon will be the next inductee in the Hall of Fame. Way before my time. It’s not a great HOF class this year, that’s for sure.

Vince & Bret ended PromoMania
Vince came out first to suck up to Bret before introducing. Bret had a cast on his “broken leg” while Vince waited for him in the ring. During the promo, Vince talked about how this wasn’t going to be Bret’s goodbye. Vince had something else. He said Bret called him a World Champion liar so Vince admitted to lying, but that he was a champion at it. Or something. The best part of the segment was seeing Vince’s reflection in Bret’s shades. That was a cool shot. Vince talked about Bret challenging him at Mania, but Bret pointed out that his leg was broken. Vince ended up calling him a coward and kicked the crutch away. As Vince bailed from the ring, Bret said, “You want a match at WrestleMania? You got it!” Crowd popped, but not as loud as I would have hoped. This would have been great if Bret made up the injury, then attacked Vince after Vince wanted the match. Instead, we got a long segment that dragged on and on before ending with a whimper. The whole thing went about 12 minutes. The match is on at WrestleMania officially. Does this mean I’ll stop getting asked if they’re doing the match we’ve been saying would happen since the end of December? I hope so. The broken leg angle isn’t helping the feud.

Also, to end this segment Vince said he’ll be wrestling John Cena next week. How do you counter old guys like Hogan & Flair wrestling on TNA next week? By putting a 64 year old in a match! That’ll show them. I’m sure this one will be short although I’m not sure what will happen exactly.

They did a plug for the HBK DVD that comes out next week. Awesome. I’m getting an advanced copy that should be here by the end of the week. It’s nice having connections. Yes, I’m bragging. I’ll be writing a major HBK column in a couple weeks after watching the DVD and grabbing some quotes for it. I’m excited to see the feature interview even though Michael Cole’s in it. Can’t win ‘em all, ya know?

Next week’s guest host is Criss Angel. Not a huge fan. Also we get Crazy Vince vs. Cena plus Orton vs. Rhodes & Dibiase in a handicap match.

The Miz & Big Show d. DX (*1/4)
This DX’s chance to win back the tag titles they never gave a shit about in the first place. They were working fast here because the show was about to end and they only gave the match four minutes. They did a KO spot with Hunter eating a very gentle chokeslam from Show while HBK snuck in to give Show a superkick. Michaels and Miz each got in there with HBK cleaning house. He got the vintage kip up and top rope elbow when suddenly the Undertaker’s face appeared on screen. Barely moved. Just rolled his eyes into his head. Miz used that interference to roll Michaels up for the pinfall. At WrestleMania he’s going to kick out of finishers, but on Raw he loses clean to a rollup in four minutes. Remember that. Or don’t. Nobody’s going to remember it. By the way, this was the last time DX is going to team up for a while because when Shawn comes back from summer vacation Hunter will probably be a heel. Put your glowsticks in storage, I guess.

I can imagine Undertaker taking to one of his kids about this segment.
Kid: “So dad, how was your day?”
Taker: “Well, I got to stare at a video camera for a few seconds and I got to roll my eyes into my head.”
Kid: “You’re such a hard worker, daddy.”
Taker: “It’s a full day’s work. A tough job. Somebody has to do it.”

Post match, Shawn wanted nothing to do with Hunter. As HBK left, Sheamus hopped the rail and attacked Triple H from OUT OF NOWHERE~! Sheamus gave his bicycle kick to HHH twice on the floor to KNOCK HIM THE FUCK OUT~! as he stood on top of the announce table staring down at a fallen Triple H to end the show. There you have another WrestleMania match although I thought it would have been for the WWE Title. Obviously they’d rather have the belt in the Batista/Cena feud, which is fine. Looks like the top 8 matches I wrote about back on January 25th are all going to happen at WrestleMania.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Shawn Michaels – He’s #1 because I’m biased and when he’s on spring/summer vacation I’ll miss him.
2. Maryse – Her pajamas were fantastic.
3. Kelly Kelly – Her too.

4.5 out of 10
Last week: 7

I didn’t like the show very much. Last week’s promo heavy show was better because the promos were simply better and more memorable. This week? Not so much. The Michaels promo to open it was very strong as was Triple H’s speech to him. I thought the Batista/Cena and Hart/McMahon segments were okay although they each seemed to drag on too much. They were also very similar in that the babyface was made to look weak. The crowd also seemed very flat for the Orton/Dibiase match as they only seemed to care when Orton tried to fight off the post-match attack. The main event? I barely even noticed Miz in the match, yet he got the pin. In a two hour show, there was maybe 15 minutes of in-ring action. Not enough for my liking although if the promos were better I’d be fine with it.

The guest hosts were brutal too. I’m ready for Austin on March 15. After that, if I never see another guest host again I’ll be a happy Raw review. The Rock would be very welcome in the summer if that’s the plan. Other than that, call up JBL to make him Raw GM. I’d be fine with that.

Polls are back. Vote:
View This Poll

————

Commentfest goes here. I’ll put it up by 8pm ET on Tuesday.
————

Check me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport and I’ll make you a deal. When I reach 1000 followers (nearly at 800 right now) I will write a column called “The Top 100 WWE PPV matches from 2000 to 2009.” I wrote the top 50 from 2000 to 2004 and re-posted it on the blog, but I haven’t done the top 100 yet. If I get to 1000 twitter followers, I’ll get to work on that column. That’s a promise.

Keep checking out the blog at johnreport.wordpress.com for daily content. I’ve got a stable of guest writers there, I post retro columns and also exclusive content for the blog only. One of the exclusives last week was my post about the debut of WWE NXT, which I enjoyed a lot. That’s all for this week. Be back on the weekend with Talking Smack.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
Check out the petition to get me hired by WWE with over 600 signatures.
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

When you think about World Wrestling Entertainment over the last 15 years one of the first names that will pop in your mind is that of Hunter Hearst Helmsley or Triple H. The Game. The Cerebral Assassin. The King of Kings. Pick a name, you know who it is. There’s a good chance you have a strong opinion on him too. He’s been in WWE’s main event for over ten years now. At the past ten WrestleMania’s, he’s wrestled in the WWE or World Title match eight times and one of those times was due to injury. Some think he’s a great company guy while others think he’s selfish. Some think he’s still got it while others think he’s overrated. Either way, HHH is the kind of guy that draws attention good or bad among fans of all kind. In my decade of writing online, there’s no person in WWE that can either be as loved as he is by one side or as criticized as he is by the other side.

In preparation for this article I realized that despite writing online for ten years myself (on and off at various points, mind you) I have never really written a full column about the guy. Crazy huh? I’ve covered a lot of people before, but not him. I figure he’s due. While doing some digging, I found out that he’s been working for WWE for 15 years now. What better way to catch up on his career than by running through it year by year with some thoughts that come to mind? I’ll try to hit the highs and lows as best I can. I’m mostly going off the top of my head here with a few peaks at his Wikipedia page when I forget some of the details. And don’t worry no Chyna pics here. We don’t need to re-live that chapter of his life. Speaking of it/her, HHH deserves massive praise for going from a questionable looking female to marrying a beautiful and rich woman. No wonder some people hate him! He struck gold in the marriage department. Okay, I better get back on topic before I offend the female readers.

A Year by Year look at Triple H’s career
1995 – Debuted as the “Connecticut Blue Blood” Hunter Hearst Helmsley. He wore a robe, he did a bow and he was an arrogant heel that we were told came from a rich family. Not much happened for him that first year.

1996 – He had valets with him at ringside for his matches and he lost to the Ultimate Warrior in under two minutes at WM12. Later in the year, he was scheduled to win King of the Ring, but that changed when he took part in the MSG Incident (hugging Michaels, Diesel, Razor in ring while out of character). He bounced back by winning the Intercontinental Title later in the year.

1997 – This was a big year because Chyna debuted as his manager/bodyguard. She stood out because she basically looked like a dude. He went on to win King of the Ring, having his first good feud in the WWF with Mick Foley. Once the fall came, his gimmick changed. Gone was the blue blood stuff, replaced by the cocky, arrogant character known as Triple H – the buddy of Shawn Michaels. The best part about the change was we got to see how funny he really was. You could tell he was having fun too.

“What I can tell you about Triple H? There are few people in this business that have a real, honest commitment inside to this business and the company. But I can assure you there is no one in this busines today that has the commitment to this business that Triple H has. And it’s not because of belts or money; it’s because inside, in his heart, he loves this business. This business is what he lives and breathes about.” – Shawn Michaels

1998 – With the DX gimmick going strong and Shawn forcing to retire (or so we thought) due to back injury, he led the new DX with the New Age Outlaws & X-Pac joining him. They were hilarious. They did a lot of funny stuff, most memorably the WCW invasion and the parody sketch of The Nation of Domination. In-ring, he was starting to come into his own thanks to that memorable ****1/4 ladder match with The Rock at Summerslam of that year. A knee injury slowed him down to end the year, but there were rumblings that a main event push was coming in 1999.

1999 – He turned heel at WrestleMania, joining The Corporation and his push up the ladder began. He also became noticeably bigger this year. I always joked, calling it the “HHH Diet” because if you look at him in late 1999 he looks like a different guy compared to the skinny frame he sported the year before. I’m not saying he used something. I don’t care. Just saying you could really notice it. You could also notice his work in the ring improved. He really found his niche as an overpowering heel. The year ended with his first WWF World Title and that legendary angle where he married a passed out Stephanie McMahon (the sweetheart daughter of Vince) on her wedding day to Test. At the last PPV that year, Armageddon, Stephanie turned on her dad and the McMahon-Helmsley era began.

2000 – This was by far his best year. He was amazing in 2000. He had the two best feuds of the year (with Cactus Jack and with The Rock), he had three of the best matches of the year (Cactus, Rock, Jericho) and he was the best overall performer in a year that I feel was the best in the history of WWE. On top of that, he had great matches with everybody. There’s even a match from Raw with Taka Michinoku – a good worker who was nearly a jobber by this point – that got a lot of praise on the internet because of how much offense HHH gave him. You know how in sports there’s a Most Valuable Player trophy given to the guy that makes everybody around him better? In 2000, HHH defined what it meant to be the MVP. Any time he had a match it was better for him being in it. His promos were fantastic because his main event heel persona was still fresh. In terms of angles, he made them work. Remember the Angle/Stephanie/HHH love triangle in the summer of 2000? That was a HUGE deal. He was at the center of everything in 2000 and he delivered the goods in every possible way. I’ll go so far as to say that Triple H in 2000 had as good a year as anybody in the history of the company.

“One thing that comes to mind with Triple H: He’s our generation’s version of Ric Flair. A guy who can lead in the ring and have tremendous performances with everyone, from the biggest of the big, to the smallest of the small, and everyone in between. He always gives his 100%. In our Last Man Standing match he could barley walk before it- and he couldn’t walk real well after it, either – but he never thought twice about going out there and giving a great match. You have to respect a guy like that.” – Chris Jericho

2001 – The year picked up where his awesome 2000 ended thanks to a hot feud with Steve Austin. Their 2/3 falls match at No Way Out 2001 is one of my 10 favorite matches ever (I gave it five stars). A couple months later, he formed the two man Power Trip alliance with Austin that had so much potential. They ended up winning the tag titles and then in the match where they dropped the tag belts to Jericho & Benoit (maybe the best Raw match ever), Hunter tore his quad muscle in the ring. Amazingly, though, HHH continued working AFTER tearing his left quad and went to the planned finish where he had to take the Walls of Jericho on the announce table. He didn’t have to do that. Nobody would criticize him if he laid in a heap in pain. The guy earned so much respect that night. Sadly, though, he would miss the rest of the year due to the major injury. A lot of people ask about what caused the WCW Invasion to fail. To me, missing HHH for that entire angle was a huge blow. I’m not sure if he would have turned face against Austin or if they would have continued to dominate, but he was as good as anybody in the WWF at that time. His presence would have made it better, I’m sure of it.

2002 – His return to Raw in MSG in January of 2002 was huge. Maybe the biggest pop I’ve ever heard for a returning superstar. The other thing was he looked bigger. Too big. It seemed to hurt his mobility although obviously the major quad surgery hurt that too. It was also known by smart fans at this point that he was dating Stephanie in real life, so when they did the on screen divorce angle it garnered a lot of attention (the vow renewal segment where HHH dumped her was fantastic, by the way). His WMX8 return and World Title win over Jericho was weak. It focused too much on the HHH/Stephanie story while burying Jericho big time. He dropped the Undisputed World Title to Hulk Hogan at Backlash a month later. After a good, but not great Hell in a Cell match with Jericho while he was on Smackdown, the wheels were in motion to get him back on Raw. Shawn Michaels was back as a regular on camera, so they reunited DX for one night and HHH turned on him. After seven months as a face, Hunter was back to his preferred role as a heel. At Summerslam, Michaels made his in ring return in a street fight to defeat HHH in a match that I said was ****1/2 (out of five stars) and was clearly the best match Hunter had since returning from the quad injury. A month after that, Hunter was given the World Heavyweight Title by Eric Bischoff. All seemed right in the world of HHH again. Wrong. His feud with Kane revolved around the infamous Katie Vick storyline that saw HHH simulate having sex with the corpse of Katie, which was a mannequin. I swear to God, if I ever met Vince McMahon and he let me ask him one question I would ask what he was thinking with regards to Katie Vick. One of the worst angles ever, if not the worst. Maybe it was HHH’s punishment for dating Vince’s daughter? I don’t know. I guess he passed that test. He ended up dropping the World Title to Michaels at Survivor Series only to get it back a month later to end the year.

“He doesn’t try to be somebody else. He’s Triple H, and all he’s doing is being himself. And he turns the volume all the way up to 5 or 10 depending on where he’s at. All he’s doing is being himself and that’s what’s made him successful. It’s Triple H.” – Steve Austin

2003 – His title feud with Scott Steiner at the start of the year was a huge flop. The posedown on Raw was one of the worst ways to hype a title match I’ve ever seen. They had a brutal match at the Rumble and then a rematch at No Way Out that was also bad, but better than the first. At WrestleMania he defended against Booker T. in a match that a lot of people thought Booker would win. Didn’t happen. This was around the time when some internet fans were starting to get on HHH due to the fact that he was engaged to Stephanie by this point, so people thought he was using his power to avoid putting people over. Triple H and Stephanie got married in October of 2003, so he officially became his boss Vince McMahon’s son in law at that point. Later in the year, he dropped the belt to Goldberg, but after he flopped as champion they put the belt on HHH again. Personally, I always thought Goldberg was a very overrated talent. He drew in WCW, but he wasn’t that talented. There wasn’t much depth to him. Some will complain about him being poorly booked. He was in some ways. Ultimately, though, the lack of talent is what hurt him in my eyes. It wasn’t a good year for Hunter in terms of feuds or quality matches although I’d recommend checking out the match against HBK on Raw to end 2003. On the bright side, seeds were planted for a bright future because the Evolution stable with Orton, Batista & Flair had begun and that led to good things.

2004 – This was a good year for him. His feud with Michaels picked up again while Chris Benoit won the Royal Rumble, setting up a showdown for HHH. In other words, after having a year full of poor matches with poor opponents, Hunter was all set to feud with two of the three best workers in the company (Angle being the other). The result? A great year for Hunter, probably the second best of his career after 2000. The HHH/Michaels/Benoit trio had two matches at the five star level at WM20 and Backlash while Hunter had individual feuds with both guys. I loved the Hell in a Cell match with Michaels at Bad Blood while the Benoit feud led to a very good Ironman match with HHH on Raw. Somewhere in there, Eugene got involved too and Hunter went over him at Summerslam that year. The night after Summerslam (at a Raw I was at actually), Evolution turned on new World Champion Randy Orton. The deal was Hunter was jealous that somebody else got the belt from Benoit instead of him, so they attacked him viciously and Hunter won the title back at Unforgiven a month later in cheap fashion. They ended up making the World Title vacant to end the year, which led to the beginning of the great HHH/Batista storyline. As we ended 2004, though, one thing seemed clear to me. The quality wrestler that was HHH was back. He looked healthy, he was having great matches with a lot of different people and the future was bright.

2005 – The Batista feud that started the year was fantastic. The fans really bought into how Triple H tried to screw Batista over by avoiding him. Batista ended up winning the Rumble while also learning of HHH’s heel tactics. That led to a very good match at WrestleMania where HHH dropped the title to him. It was the second year in a row where HHH put over a first time World Champion. They followed that up with a couple more really good matches, including a ****1/4 Hell in a Cell match at Vengeance that made me marvel at how good it was. He took some time off to rest injuries, then came back and had a mini feud with Ric Flair that ended with HHH ultimately winning it as the heel. The Batista feud was huge for Batista while also proving that HHH had a lot of value as the veteran wrestler that could put over the fresh main eventers.

“He’s a classy guy. He’s a leader. He’s always willing to help, and that’s unusual when you’re on top of this business. He’s a ring general, so he’s able to change the tide in the ring in the middle of a match. He just knows what he’s doing.” – Ric Flair

2006 – The heel version of Triple H was prominent in the early part of the year as he earned a championship match at WrestleMania 22 against John Cena. Cena was already the title holder, so HHH didn’t have to drop the belt this year. He simply tapped clean to the STF in the center of the ring making it the third year in a row where he put over the babyface choice of that year. Following WM, he kept coming up short in title matches and he started to do crotch chops, which was a sign that DX was coming back. It led to him teaming up with Shawn Michaels again as well as a feud with the McMahon family that was very tongue in cheek. The DX/McMahons feud was campy. Match quality didn’t really matter. Later in the year, after they ended the McMahons feud, DX moved on to feud with Rated RKO, which was made up of Orton and Edge. They had a few good matches. Nothing special, though. I’d say 2006 was a big step back for HHH in terms of in-ring action, but you could see he was having a lot of fun doing the DX comedy.

2007 – The year started out in a bad way for him since he tore his right quad muscle in January. It was the same way he tore his left quad in 2001. He was out of action for seven months, returning at Summerslam. He quickly had another feud with Orton, winning and losing the WWE Title at No Mercy. He looked good in his return from his second major leg injury although in his late 30s with two torn quad injuries behind him it was unlikely that he would regain the quality form he had earlier in the decade.

2008 – He was back in the title picture after returning from injury, taking on Orton and Cena in a triple threat match at WrestleMania. The match seemed pretty flat because we’ve seen these guys wrestle a lot by this point, so doing a triple threat at Mania wasn’t that big of a deal. Plus, HHH’s face character was pretty bland because if he doesn’t have DX jokes to make there’s not much to him. After Mania, he won the belt from Orton and successfully defended it against him after WM. Realizing he was starting to get bland on Raw, they moved him to Smackdown in the draft lottery. This was huge because he had been on Raw for so long and the running joke that “HHH doesn’t want to work Tuesdays” that Paul Heyman made at the 2005 ECW PPV had gained a lot of steam. The idea was he would help the ratings on MyNetworkTV where Smackdown was now airing. Did it happen? Not really. Ratings didn’t really move with him. The move to Smackdown led to better matches from HHH because Smackdown was more of the wrestling show. I really enjoyed the matches he had with Jeff Hardy while the Kozlov feud wasn’t good at all.

2009 – It was time for another feud with Randy Orton. Yawn. They feuded so many times over the years that it wasn’t met with a lot of buzz. Orton won the Rumble while HHH brought the title from Smackdown with him. This time they had Orton attack Shane, Stephanie and Vince. It was revealed that HHH is actually married to Stephanie. Shocking! I loved how they made a big deal out of that considering they were married for 6 years. No idea what percentage of the audience knew or not, but they acted like nobody knew. This led to many hilariously bad Orton/HHH segments including the awful one in Orton’s “house” where HHH attacked him. My name for HHH became “Hunter the McMahon Family Avenger” as he did his promos while puffing his cheeks out. Remember too that a couple years before this he feuded with Vince and Shane for a long time. And they wonder why nobody cared when they had a boring match in the WM25 main event? That should have told them that the feud was dead. But no! They feuded for three more months. It was one of the worst feuds of the year, at least to me. A huge letdown. When they did the draft lottery, HHH was moved to Raw again even though he was on Raw for months before. To prove that he was a very smart man, he dumped the Avenger gimmick to go back to doing DX with Shawn. They had some fun, did some good segments (Vince’s birthday), did some really bad ones (Little People’s Court) and then as we got into 2010 it just ended.

2010 – Looks like no Triple in a title match at WrestleMania. Crazy huh? I’m not sure what the future holds for him, but there’s talk of a heel turn later in the year. I’m in favor of it because his babyface act has really become stale. The guy’s better as a heel. I think he knows it. We know it. Let’s see it happen.

There’s no question that the best period of his career came between 1998 to early 2001 when he tore his quad. After that there have been a lot of ups and downs, but as I wrote I’d put the 2000 version of HHH up against any wrestler in any calendar year in terms of having great matches. That was his best year. He really came back strong in 2004 and 2005 before getting hurt again in 2007. It’s a shame that injuries have slowed him down as much as they have because there’s no telling how much better his career would have been. It comes with the business, though.

The Other Side of Triple H
It’s not fair to talk about Triple H without looking into his life outside the ring a little. That’s what society does to people in the public eye. As we all know Triple H has been married to Vince McMahon’s daughter Stephanie since 2003 (as WWE finally acknowledged in early 2009) and he has two daughters with his wife. There are those that think that’s not a big deal. There are others that think it’s a big deal. What does HHH think?

“I haven’t read a dirt sheet in 10 years. And that’s the damn truth. Yes I’m in a top position. Yes I’m married to the boss’s daughter. Yes I sit in production meetings. But, at the end of the day, there is only one person with stroke in this business. And that’s Vince McMahon. If he doesn’t like something, whether it’s my idea or not, it’s not going to happen. I want guys like John Cena around. I want to bring new guys up and help make them. People always accuse me of not wanting to drop the belt to a guy. That’s complete crap. I didn’t drop the belt to RVD because no one asked me to drop it to RVD. I’ve yet to see Hulk Hogan lose to anybody. He wrestles once every 6 months, and it doesn’t matter if you’re the biggest name in active competition today, he’s not going to lose to you. There was supposed to be a Hogan/Michaels II, and Hogan was supposed to lose. All of a sudden his knee started bugging him.” – Triple H in 2006

I can totally see where he’s coming from in terms of saying he was never asked to put over a guy like RVD, but people will blame him for that. I get that. It comes with the territory, though. He works for a company, he marries the boss’ daughter and he becomes part of the family that runs this company. There are those that will shrug their shoulders, say “no big deal” and move on. Others will think of conspiracy theories to somehow put the blame on Triple H. Just last week I made a joke that the answer to every WWE question is that either “Vince is crazy” or “blame Triple H.” It’s a joke, though. I don’t really think he holds people down or refuses to put people over. Maybe I’m naïve. Maybe I just want to see the good in people.

There are other instances, though, that his detractors will point to. When the Montreal Screwjob happened at Survivor Series 1997 the idea to screw Bret over was Hunter’s idea. I don’t know how true that is, but enough people involved have said it to make me believe it. That’s another thing where some are going to say that WWE was in the wrong, but others believe it was the right move because they thought Bret might take the World Title to WCW. You know what this probably did, though? It earned him the trust of Vince McMahon. It let him know that of all the people that Vince had on the roster, a guy like HHH was somebody he could turn to as a loyal WWE employee.

To deny that HHH has backstage influence would be wrong too. He definitely has some influence. When Sheamus shot up the card to become the WWE Champion it came out that he was one of HHH’s “boys” meaning he was somebody HHH liked among the newer wrestlers. Next thing you know the guy goes from wrestling Goldust in ECW to WWE Champion in a couple of months. Coincidence? Or proof that the influence exists? It’s all up to you and your personal feelings on the guy. Personally, I like Sheamus. I’m glad they pushed somebody new. People want to blame HHH? Fine, I can’t stop them. Everybody’s entitled to their own opinion, after all.

One of the best things about Triple H is his sense of humor. Sometimes he’ll try to do something to make us laugh and he’ll fail miserably, but he’ll be the first guy to make fun of himself for that too. I like that. If you can’t make fun of yourself, who can you make fun of? I think a lot of wrestling fans have a sense of humor because if you can’t laugh when you watch wrestling you might be watching for the wrong reasons. Maybe he’d be upset at me for making jokes about how if you want to get a push in WWE you should find out what gym HHH trains at because it worked for Sheamus (HHH told us that he works out with Sheamus on the road). It’s a joke. When I say that if a WWE performer is in an interview they should always say HHH is the best wrestler ever and that they want to work with him I’m only joking. It’s funny, though; the diehard HHH fans will get on me for stuff like that. And I ask why? Hunter’s a joker. There has never been a performer in the history of WWE that has made more dick jokes than this guy. I can still remember him doing guest commentary one time saying “testes testes…1…2…3″ and it made me laugh. How about all the sausages over the years? The guy has a sense of humor. That’s what makes him appealing to his fans. He comes off like a regular guy living the dream, having fun and enjoying life.

I don’t know how much longer Triple H is going to wrestle. He’ll be 41 years old this year. He’s got two torn quads, he’s got bad knees and I’m sure other pains that we don’t know about just from being a pro wrestler for twenty years. That’s what happens. He’s also got a tremendous weight on his shoulders because in all likelihood when his father in law Vince, who will be 65 years old this year, decides to step down it will be Triple H running the company from a creative standpoint along with his wife. Stephanie’s already second in command while Triple H has been sitting in creative meetings for many years. Does he have say in booking plans? Probably. How much? I don’t know. I’ll never know. Doesn’t matter. Point is, aside from his father in law, the future of the WWE will be in his hands. Whether you like him or you don’t like him, one thing’s for sure. He’s not going away.

Through the years I’ve read, seen and heard a lot of things about HHH. However, it’s this quote that I feel best summarizes the man:

“I watch wrestling tapes all the time from the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s-whatever I can get. I don’t watch for moves; I watch for the story they’re telling, why they did things at a particular time. A lot of our guys today don’t understand the business. We all grew up as huge wrestling fans, and we need to understand why we liked it so much. It was because back then, they told stories, as opposed to just flip, flopping, and flying. The guys that make the most money in our business have never been the guys that do moonsaults and jump off the top rope and do big dropkicks. It’s the guys that tell the best stories that are in the main events, that are on top.” – Triple H

What that tells me is that he’s a fan. He’s not a guy like Lesnar that went into WWE because he had nothing else or Goldberg going into wrestling because he failed at football. Hunter wanted to be a wrestler and he became one. Deep down, at his core, despite all the success he’s had and all the power he has now as well as going forward, the guy loves the business. He grew up wanting to be a wrestler, he pursued that dream and then when he accomplished it he didn’t rest on his laurels. He continued working as hard as he possibly could to achieve that dream.

Ultimately, Triple H is a fan of pro wrestling that’s living his dream. I think wrestling fans are always going to be on the fence with him. Some are going to always like what he does while some will always criticize. It comes with the territory of being who he is. You can call him what you want, good or bad, but I think one thing’s for sure. The man has earned our respect through 15 years of hard work and for years to come both on screen and off.

The one thing all wrestling fans should agree on is that HHH deserves at least one thing: Respect.

* * *

Big thanks to triplehunleashed.com for the quotes used in this article. They have a really awesome HHH interview archive there.

Later in the week I might post a top 20 match list of HHH on my blog. It won’t be that detailed, but I’ll make sure to list the matches that I like the best from his career. Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
Check out the petition to get me hired by WWE with over 600 signatures.
AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

So lemme get this straight. Sheamus shows up, gets to be dull, and he’s the WWE Champion *snaps* like that while Bryan Danielson gets to be unused then forced to work his way through NXT while being coached by The Miz. What is the world coming to?

Sheamus is 6’5″ and 250 pounds. Danielson is 6’0″ 200 maybe. Vince loves big guys. Shouldn’t surprise you by this point. If WWE was based on talent instead of size first then things would be different. Nothing against Sheamus, who I like. It’s just harder for the smaller guys.

What do you think was WCW’s best year or years for the time you watched it?

I’d say 1996 and 1997. Those were pretty good years in terms of angles as well as quality matches. It started to go downhill a bit in 1998.

Rumour has it the bull on RAW only asked Kelly for directions, but she assumed it was a superstar and thought she better ride it. Your opinions?

Bwahahaha. This made me legit LOL. Awesome.

How much better would WWE be if Angle & Jeff Hardy had stayed there?

It would definitely be better. They’d both be among the top five performers in the company. I really like watching both of those guys perform.

Were you a fan of the original ECW?

Yes. I never saw it “live” but I did in the tape trading days in the late 90s, early 00s. Do young people know what video tapes are?

Ok, where do you stand on WWE’s “no blood” policy? Personally I feel, even though it detracts from the spectacle of some events, it is important to also show kids that if you chairshot someone, this is what happens, you don’t just bounce up again…

I agree. I think blood is needed to try to tell a story of pain in the confines of a match. I miss seeing it in WWE because it’s effective when done right. Think of Austin/Hart or Taker/Michaels in the cell. Both of those matches were enhanced by the blood use.

You see Michael Cole in a bar. What do you do? A) Buy him a drink. B) Come…from out of nowhere with a vintage surprise attack to ask a question in SERIOUS VOICES~! C) Shake your head at him. D) Ask him if he’s talked to Heidenreich lately.

Haha, what a question! I’d go with B. That would be epic.

I just love Dynamite Kid’s Snap Suplex. What’s your favourite non-finisher move? Any particular person’s version?

Love this question. I’ll list a bunch:
- Bret Hart’s ring post figure four.
- Angle’s pop up to the top rope to deliver a belly to belly suplex.
- Mr. Perfect’s drop kick.
- HBK’s top rope elbow.
- Austin’s Thesz Press.
- Vince McMahon’s torn quad. Oh wait.
- Benoit’s rolling Germans.

Favourite Green Day songs from the newest album? Mine are East Jesus Nowhere, American Eulogy and then Peacemaker.

I would say 21 Guns and East Jesus Nowhere are the two I like the most. I really like 21 Guns.

What’s your take on heavy metal? Your type of thing or do you just find it screaming down a mic? (Which it isn’t. Not that I’m biased or anything, oh gods no.)

I don’t think it’s screaming down a mic. I don’t listen to it that often, but I like it enough.

Who do you think would win in a survior series type of match the Simpsons or the griffins?

Simpsons. Homer’s a beast. Peter’s not as much.

Does it ever bother you that most of your Facebook friends are people you’ve never actually met before?

Not really. It’s a way for me to get to know people, for me to get to know them and for all of us to interact about a common interest like pro wrestling. I enjoy it.

Favorite food? Favorite meal? Favorite “tailgate” item?

Favorite food is chicken. Favorite meal is Chicken Parmesan. Favorite tailgate item would be ribs.

This is a silly question, but do you think the WWE are keeping Sheamus that white skinned? I know us Irish guys are pale at times, but that’s RIDICULOUS . He’s whiter than Michael Jackson. Thoughts?

He probably can’t tan. If he can tan, they probably want him to stay that way because it’s instant heel heat. People react to it like: “Man, that guy’s really white!” And they laugh. It’s part of his gimmick now.

Are your parents proud of you?

Yes, but they want me to get married and have kids soon. I’m trying!

Favourite Mick Foley match?

Royal Rumble 2000 vs. HHH. Wrote a full column about it here: http://johnreport.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/retro-greatest-matches-hhh-vs-cactus-jack-royal-rumble-2000/

If Scott Steiner approached you and called you a fatass, what would your reply be? HUH?!

I would say: “You have a nice beard, sir. Please don’t hurt me.”

What’s the best ever Summerslam PPV?

I’ll go with 2002. Also like 2000 and 1998.

Maryse in the bathtub or Mickie James-Canton in bed, but you have to makeout with Vickie Gurerreo for 10 seconds first, and you have to marry which ever option you pick. Tough, huh.

I pick Mickie. And making out with Vickie for 10 seconds would be fine. I’ve had worse. The prize is worth it in the end. I’d be fine with the marriage too.

I think St Louis, Mo deserves a Wrestlemania. They have an adequate facility, the city is centrally located, and it is rich in wrestling tradition. What city would you like see host Mania that has yet to do so?

I agree with St. Louis. I said Dallas before, but St. Louis too. Both have a lot of great wrestling history. Go Rams.

Because HBK and Taker are both taking time off for WM, do you think it would make more sense to have them turn up for the post-Mania shows for a couple weeks and get ‘taken out’ by someone to have a readymade feud for their return?

Yes it would make more sense. Don’t think it’ll happen. They’ll probably just disappear from our TV screens again just like last year.

Do u think andre vs. big show would be a good match and if so who u think would go over?

Don’t think it would be a good match, but would be fun to see. Andre would probably go over. He didn’t lose that much.

What kind of church do u go to?

Greek Orthodox.

Who do you think the best wrestler to never win a world title is/was?

Curt Henning, Owen Hart, Ted Dibiase.

WWE superstars wrestle a much safer style than say tna wrestlers and roh wrestlers. However, there always seem to be more frequent injuries on the wee roster than in other companies. Why do you think this is?

They wrestle more matches in a calendar year. Also, the bigger the body the more likely for an injury. WWE has more bigger guys than other companies.

Do you think Kobe or Lebron can surpass Jordan? Did u ever think Jordan was a little overrated? What were your thoughts on Jordan comong back to play for the Wizards?

I don’t think anybody can surpass Jordan. Bryant’s 2nd best shooting guard in the history of the NBA, though, and I think there’s nothing wrong with that. He might have the most points ever too. He’s not going to have as many MVPs, though. He may end up with as many titles (needs two more), but I don’t think he can top Mike. I love LeBron. It’s hard, though. Depends on where he ends up. If he gets a superstar teammate like Wade or Bosh (doubt it) he could roll through with a couple titles. That’s what he would need to do. I’m not sure he can, though.

I don’t think Jordan was overrated. He’s the best ever. He earned it. Did it at both ends. Hit clutch shots, made key defensive plays and he made his teammates better. He absolutely earned everything including his reputation.

I enjoyed him on the Wizards just because it allowed us to see more of the GOAT. I don’t think we’re supposed to remember it, though. Just like some WWE history!

In terms of wrestling ability where do you rate Brock Lesnar? I thought he was excellent in the ring and as far as I’m aware growing up he was never a wrestling fan which makes his talent even more remarkable.

I agree. Great in the ring. Hate that he’s not in WWE anymore. He was really coming into his own in 2003 and into 2004. Even as a character he was developing too. I miss watching him in WWE.

Does anyone honestly find dwarfs funny?

I’m sure Vince McMahon does.

Triple H = the best seller and the best story teller in the ring, not even HBK matches up to him psychology wise. Sure he’s not quick anymore, he’s blown two quads, but he’s the 2nd/3rd most over guy around. Stop the blind hatred, you mark.

I don’t hate him at all. I just dislike some of the storylines he’s taken part in. I don’t think he’s better than HBK. Of course he’s going to be over. He’s been in main events for 10 years and he almost never loses.

What makes Canada a great country?

Nothing in particular. The people are nice and easygoing. It’s pretty easy to fit in amongst Canadians. We’re generally understanding people about everything. That’s just how it is.

Putting on the virtual booking cap, what would be the best direction to go with Kane at this point?

Fine where he is. He’s probably going to retire soon.

If you had sole control of the WWE Draft, who would you move to which shows?

That’s a future fantasy booking column. In March, I promise.

Do you ever wonder why the rest of the world can’t be more like Canada? Also, do you think it’s stupid that America refuses to go metric?

I think metric is the way to go. It’s weird that the US is the only place that doesn’t use it. Thing is, in Canada we go by inches rather than centimeters and pounds rather grams a lot of the time.

Rocky or Rambo?

Rocky for sure. I love Rocky. I don’t like Rambo as much.

John why is there a picture of the queen on a 20 Canadian dollar bill? Does Canada not have any important historical figures of its own so it decided to steal ours?

That’s pretty much it. We don’t have anybody.

Is there a movie that received high praise from everyone and yet open viewing left you feeling very underwhelmed? Mine would be Benjamin Button

I agree with that choice. That movie took so long and I left it wondering where there was so much praise. This year’s movie that I didn’t like was District 9. It was boring to me.

Not sure if you’ve been asked this previously, but if you didn’t live in Canada, which City, anywhere in the world, would you like to live in?

I haven’t travelled that much, but from where I’ve been I’d say Chicago would be a good pick. Loved it there. Lots of good people.

Which version of the undertaker did you like the most the deadman or the american badass’

I really liked the American Badass especially as a heel. The Deadman has had a lot of highlights, but it’s been too over the top at times too.

In your opinion what was the single greatest moment in WWE/F history for you? How about the absolute worst?

Hard to say. For worst I’ll go with Katie Vick. For best there a lot to pick from, but I’ll say Hogan slamming Andre was pretty huge.

Which city, that has yet to host a Wrestlemania, deserves it the most? Also, what criteria is (i.e. wrestling history, past draws, location) involved in the decision of city?

They like big cities typically. Good for tourists. I think Dallas probably deserves. Lots of history there. I’m sure they’ll get it soon now that they have the big dome.

We’ve seen Emmy nods go LOST’s way for portayals of Benjamin Linus and John Locke. After last night’s demonstration by Josh Halloway, do you think this final season could afford him an Emmy to go with Terry and Michael’s?

He could get it, but I think Locke & Ben are the best actors on the show. I like Sawyer a lot. His character has shown a lot of depth over the years.

What’s your favorite or most memorable superstar entrance at any Wrestlemania?

Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania 12.

Is improvement in WWE programming lately because of good numbers pulled in by TNA on 4th January?

Could be, but I think it’s more because they plan further ahead for WrestleMania, so they know what stories they want to tell. The rest of the year the booking is all over the place.

What do you think about WWE getting rid of Survivor Series?

I wrote about it here: http://wp.me/pHDn7-9F Basically last year’s show sucked and that’s what killed. Vince saying the “name” isn’t a draw anymore is bullshit.

Short or long hair on girls?

I like longer hair. Not too long, but down to the shoulder blades or a little below that. Shoulder length hair is okay too. I’m not that picky.

Do you believe Mickie James has passed Trish Stratus, Sunny, and Lita for most popular diva of all time?

I think Trish is first. Mickie’s pretty close, though.

Home Alone 1,2,3 or 4?

Has to be #1 by far. A classic. I liked Home Alone 2 a lot though. I don’t think I ever saw 3 or 4. No interest in them.

I have asked this question on many websites but never got satisfactory answer. Hope you can? Q: Why do fans hate Vince McMahon so much?

I assume you don’t mean the character. I don’t think fans hate Vince. If you’re watching the show regularly then you have to like him to some extent.

If you could go back in time and change just one thing about the Monday night wars, what would it be? I am guessing the whole invasion storyline?

Yep. That’s it. They should have brought in WCW’s big guns right away rather than waiting a year or two to slowly bring Flair, Bischoff, Hogan, Nash, Hall, Goldberg, Steiner, etc. in there.

How would you handle a 19yr old girl who acts like wrestling is real and thinks CM Punk really did end Jeff Hardys career? I mentioned that Hardy was on impact on Jan 4th and she’s started crying whilst yelling STOP! I’m not even kidding :|

I don’t know what to do with that one. Most of my solutions involve “getting her drunk” but in this situation that might be a bad idea. Maybe it would be a good time to educate her about the business at least a little bit. Couldn’t hurt.

Do you think at 5ft 11 i am too short to make it in wwe?

Yes. If you work your ass off, though, maybe you can make it. You have to work harder.

Who are you most excited to see in the new Heroes vs. Villains Survivor? I can’t wait to see Rupert again.

Russell. He’s the best person in the history of that show. I also really like Boston Rob and Parvati a lot. They know how to play the game.

What is an example of an inappropriate question?

I’m pretty lenient, but don’t ask anything too personal or insulting. That’s all.

Do you think that Nathan Jones damaged the credibility and reputation of Australian wrestlers, enough so it is hard for them to get a job in the big leagues??

Maybe. It’s weird that there aren’t any Aussies in the big leagues. I’m sure the talent is there. Jones was one of the worst wrestlers I’ve ever seen in person.

Do you like the U.K version of The Office? Do you Like Ricky Gervais?

I like it. I don’t love it. I’ve tried to invest time into it, but it’s not the same. I dunno why. I like Gervais though.

You are sharing a cab with Luther Reigns. He asks you how pissed you were that Luther Reigns Vs Mark Jindrak didn’t make Wrestlemania in 2005. You can’t run, and he has a gun. What do you say?

I would tell him that it is one of the greatest injustices in the history of Western civilization the likes of which we may never see again. I would also compliment him on his performance in the movie “The Girl Next Door” and would ask him if he tapped Elisha Cuthbert’s ass. That would let me free, right?

Multiple Parter… What is the worst finisher in the wwe today? ever? Also, do you watch ncaa basketball? Any thoughts on Kentucky?

I dislike MVP’s finisher. It’s too fake. Ever? Hogan’s legdrop. Road Dogg’s pumphandle slam too.

I love NCAA basketball, but this year it’s not as appealing. Kentucky is the exception. I’m a huge fan of John Wall. I think he’s going to be one of the five best players in the NBA over the next decade. He will turn a franchise around.

What would u rather have a Robocop or a Terminator? Do u see the world in the future as robots being our protectors like that movie by Will Smith “I Robot”?

I’d like a Terminator for sure. Robocop is lame. Terminator is cool and he comes with cooler catchphrases. Who doesn’t love catchphrases, right?

Haha no I don’t see the world being like I Robot. I hope not.

Do you think Vince McMahon paid Hogan to join TNA and drive it to the ground? I do.

No. I think Hogan sucks on his own. He doesn’t need to get paid to do that.

What is your favorite baseball team?

The Toronto Blue Jays, but since they sold Roy Halladay off I guess I’ll be rooting for the Phillies a bit now too. I hate MLB. Can we move to the NL please?

When it is said that PPV did 1.5 buyrate What does 1.5 signifies?

1.0 roughly equals 400,000 homes, so a 1.5 would be about 600,000 homes. Most of the time they say buyrates by giving the numbers in the hundreds of thousands or in the millions. It’s easier that way.

Who do you think is the best technical wrestler theres ever been?

Chris Benoit, but since we can’t talk about him I’ll go Kurt Angle or Bret Hart.

Ok, most questions on here are kind of goofy, but this is a serious, legit question. I’ve heard alot of good things about the Canadian Health Care system. Is it really as good as people make it out to be, or is it too good to be true?

It has its pluses and minuses. I guess there are more pluses. We take it for granted, I think. It’s very convenient to know you can just go to the hospital and know you’re going to be taken care of without thinking about if you have insurance. I know people who abuse it, though, which sucks for the rest of us. I hope that the US has a better health care system soon because what they have isn’t working.

You could turn heel by turning on the wwe superstars you talk to and tell us all, perfect heel turn!

It’s Vince, Triple H and Undertaker. They love me.

In regards to NXT, why has Vinny Mac paired someone like Bryan Dan….ehh Daniel Bryan, with someone like the Miz, surely the miz should is the rookie in that pairing?

Because they know it’ll get people talking and it has. I’ve got no problem with it if Bryan wins the show and then feuds with Miz upon his debut.

I’ve often thought of Cody Rhodes as the weaker member of legacy, what do you see him doing once the split becomes official?

Probably go on the show opposite of Ted in the draft and he’ll probably float around in the midcard.

Funniest Adam Sandler Movie?

Tough call. I’ll go with The Waterboy. Love it. Happy Gilmore in second.

Do you think that orlando jordan’s bisexual gimmick is appropriate for tna, or will it offend some viewers?

I think it’s going to piss off and turn off viewers rather than attract viewers. Plus he’s not a good wrestler.

Ted Dibiase or The Miz?

The Miz. More personality, getting better in the ring. Ted has done nothing to stand out.

Why are some people ashamed to like wrestling and not talk about it freely and try and hide the fact they watch it

Because it’s considered low brow and not as classy a form of entertainment as pro sports. I’m ashamed when men tell me they watch figure skating, personally.

If you could dedicat 3 songs of your choosing to any 3 wrestlers (sorry vince) or diva’s who and what would it be?

“Because I got high” to RVD and Jeff Hardy
“Asshole” to Vince McMahon
“Big Pimpin’” to Batista

Why did the Simpsons start to go downhill?

Ran out of ideas. Characters stayed the same so long that it’s hard after 20 years.

Overall who do you think is better T-MAc or Vinsanity? Forget that they want to get the hell out of that horrible franchise Toronto but if you start your own Franchise out of those two who would you have on your team?

McGrady’s the better of the two because he was better on the defensive end, better ball handler and a better teammate although neither were good teammates. Vince is one of the worst teammates in the history of sports. I’m using the past tense because they’re both done. I have a strong dislike for both guys. At least it seems like they’ve grown up a bit these days, though.

At the time, do you think it was a surprise when Y2J became undisputed champ? Was that the moment he became the real deal for WWF/E in the fans eyes?

Yes. I was shocked. I’m glad it happened. Thought it was Rock or Austin for sure.

John, I’m guessing you weren’t too pleased to find out about Christian going to Raw instead of Smackdown. Do you think, however, with HBK’s hiatus after WMXXVI that there may be room for him in the main event scene?

I’d love to say yes, but Vince has never been inclined to push Christian that much before. I have no idea. I hope he gets the big push, though.

What do you think about the Bucs wanting to trade their 3rd round draft pick and Josh Johnson for the Rams’ #1 Draft pick so they can take Suh?

I think it’s a stupid rumor that doesn’t have many legs to it. I’d try to avoid draft rumors. They almost never come true.

Daniel Bryan versus World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho in its 1st main event. NXT is already my favorite brand. Agree?

Smackdown’s the best, but I loved that match even though I wish it was longer.

Do you believe in the madden curse?

Fuck yeah. And I was especially pissed when it cursed my boy Marshall Faulk when he was on the cover. Screw you, Madden curse.

Your top 5 matches in tna history

1. Danielson vs. Joe vs. Styles from 2005
2. Angle vs. Joe the first time.
3. XXX vs. America’s Most Wanted in the cage when Elix Skipper scaled it. I don’t remember the PPV.

That’s my top three. I can’t do five.

How do you grade the matches?? Is it based on length, quality, etc.??

Both. A combination of things. How they work, how long the match is and things of that nature. All personal opinion, of course. My match of the year could be a shitty match in your opinion.

The top 50 matches 00-04 was great, understandably you don’t have near enough time to do 05-09 in the same vain, but can you at least list your top 10 matches?

I’ll write a top 100 of the decade in April most likely. If I give myself months to write it then it can be done.

Your top five favorite Athletes of all time?

1. Magic Johnson – My sports idol.
2. Marshall Faulk – Rams
3. Kurt Warner – Rams
4. Kobe Bryant – I still like the Lakers.
5. Mario Lemieux – My favorite hockey player ever.

What was ur favorite Dave Chappelle Skit? I like the slow motion skit and the R-kelly version of ignition/piss on you?

Clayton Bigsby
Wayne Brady out with Dave
Prince playing basketball

Those are my top three.

Do you ever wish that the original ECW was still around?

Not really. It had a nice run. It was hard to sustain that.

What did you think of that Hulk Hogan celeberity wrestling show?

Terrible.

Have you ever heard that Konan introduced Bret Hart to the Sharpshooter?

Yes I have. It’s true.

Thoughts on the bWo? not a typo

Fun while it lasted. Glad that it didn’t run too long.

Will wrestling ever see Paul Heyman again?

I sure hope so. I’ll guess and say no, though. I think he’s moved on.

Do u play video games? What genre?

Used to play a lot. Sports was my genre. I played the NFL (Madden), NBA (2K series), NHL (NHL series) and FIFA all the time. I suck at shooters. I liked games like Grand Theft Auto a lot too.

Do you have a catchphrase?

I used to end every column with Smell ya later. Stole it from Nelson of the Simpsons and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

Well all know triple h (13) will pass ric flairs 16 championship reigns but do you see edge (9) cena (7) or randy orton (6) passing flair by too?

No. HHH will win the most ever.

Theoretical stable- Jericho the veteran, hart dynasty the tag team. Who would be the up and comer? Who else could you see as stables?

Daniel Bryan as the young guy that Jericho mentors. What a great stable. I’d be in heaven watching that.

Favorite food?

Chicken. Anything chicken.

Ever listen to rap music?

All the time. Lots of Jay Z, Kanye, Eminem and more of the mainstream stuff. I like a lot of 90s rap too since I grew up on it.

How can Edge be rated r in a PG wwe universe? Is that itself rhetorical?

The nickname isn’t really fitting now, is it? They also call Shawn Michaels the Heartbreak Kid when he’s 45 years old.

Is Awesome Kong more awesome than The Miz?? What if Mike Awesome was still around? Who would be the awesome-est? If Edge & Christian were still a tag team, throw them in the mix, Who would totally reek of awesomeness the most??

Wow, that’s an awesome overload. Edge and Christian are my favorite of the awesome users. For sure.

If you were a wrestler, what would your finisher be?

A cradle piledriver like Jerry Lynn in ECW did.

What do u think was the most useless title belt between wwf/e, and wcw?

The WWF Light Heavyweight Title in 1997/98 because Vince never cared for cruisers.

At the time, I thought “Gillberg” was one of the funniest characters that I had seen, from the entrance to his actions. What did you think?

Yeah, I loved it. Made me laugh.

Best royal rumble moment, in the actual rumble match?

The Angle/Michaels stuff from 2005. I was going nuts. A dream pairing come true.

John, sometimes those Divas of the WWE just can’t help themselves from pinning their opponents in a sexy and sensual manner. Surely you’ve noticed this: Do you have a favorite sexy pin instance?

Mickie’s attempt on Trish at WM22 was fantastic. I like all of Maryse’s pins too.

Why was Colt Cabana future endeavored?

Guess they weren’t impressed with him for whatever reason. Plus Vince hates Jewish people. I’m kidding!

Should Tiger Woods turn heel and stun his caddy?

He already is a heel. His caddy’s a douche. Stunning him would suck. Stun Jack Nicklaus.

This might have been asked before but do you see any one part of the wwe improving when trips and steph take over?

It could. No idea how their booking style would differ from Vince. We’ve had Vince at the helm for 30 years. We don’t know how anybody else would do it.

Did you know that your fellow Canadian Ryan Reynolds beat Triple H up in Blade: Trinity? And if you saw the movie was there a point where you thought Triple H wouldn’t actually let RR beat him?- Johnny

Yeah, I’m with ya. I am shocked any time HHH loses even in a movie.

What is your favorite match from the 80′s, 90′s and 2000′s so far?

80s: Steamboat/Savage from WM3
90s: Hart/Austin from WM13
00s: Austin/Rock from WM17

Do you think that if TNA went under WWE would pick up some of their talent, and if they did do you think that they would bury them like with the invasion storyline?

Wouldn’t be an invasion. I think they’d pick up 10-15 guys somehow. Not sure, though.

Something that makes me angry is how Chris Benoit is handled. I don’t think that you can strike someone from history, he did win royal rumble 2004 and headlined WrestleMania. I am only taking history here. Your thoughts?

He killed two innocent people and himself in a very brutal manner. I don’t blame WWE for refusing to acknowledge him.

When Legacy splits, who will go face and heel? Do you see WWE burying Rhodes? I think he has improved in and out of the ring alot in the last year.

I guess Orton goes face while the other two stay heel. I’m not sure, though.

Do you think that TNA going to Mon nights starting 3/8 is a bad idea, considering that WWE programming is usually strongest right before WM? Wouldn’t it have been a better idea to start in Apr, or even in May after Backlash? It all feels so rushed.

It’s a fine idea. Wrestling fans like wrestling on Mondays. The other nights never do as well. They should be on Mondays. I wish them the best of luck.

Can you please praise me for being straightedge?

You’re better than me, congrats.

How long do you think it will be before Danielson will be in the title picture/main eventer. With whom could he have great matches? I’d love to see him v CM Punk.

2015. I’m not kidding. I hope I’m wrong by 4 years.

Will you marry me?

If you’re a woman, you’re cute, you have a lot of money and don’t bother me when I’m watching NFL games then I will think about it.

What would be your all time WORST Pay-per-view card?

That ECW December to Dismember one did it pretty well.

Best ever Raw match?

Jim Ross over HHH. That’s a tough call. I’ll go with Benoit & Jericho over HHH & Austin on Raw in 2001. Love that.

I hear flair is wrestling in TNA on march 8….your thoughts?

He should stop wrestling. I worry about the guy.

On this season’s NXT, Christian–Christian Cage (a name sprung from Christian Slater and Nicholas Cage)–is mentoring Heath Slater (a name seemingly sprung from Heath Ledger and Christian Slater). Coincidence?

That’s clever. Good work. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

Do you expect that the 8 wrestlers mentoring the rookies on NXT will be featured less on their respective programs? It seems unlikely, given Jericho, CM Punk, and Christian are all taking part.

I don’t think so. They won’t be on the NXT show that much. The guys get to the arenas at like 2pm. They have lots of time to tape stuff.

Did the original ECW have the best chants or what?

They did. So did the crowds in Toronto that I’ve been to, though.

Will Natalya ever lock the sharpshooter on someone? If not on a diva, then who would you like to see in it?

That would be nice. I hope she gets to wrestle in singles this year. She’d have good matches with Mickie.

If you were to meet Vince McMahon face to face for the first time, how do you think he’d react to you? Let’s assume that he knows how you feel about him (e.g. “Crazy Vince”, loves midgets, thinks that things like the Springer segment are great TV, etc.).

I have a lot of respect for him, honestly. Been watching his company for over 20 years. Sure I make jokes, but I’m a fan first and will continue to be. I’d hope that he knows that and if not I’d prove it by having conversations about things. And if he was pissed at me, I’d wear THAT STUPID ORANGE CRAP, kick him in the quads and run away.

You can invite 5 people, living or dead, fictional or real, to dinner. Who are the 5 people you invite?

Jesus, Homer Simpson, Kelly Kapowski, Al Bundy and Batman.

Do you think if hogan’s wife didn’t leave him and take all his money that he’d be in TNA right now?

I don’t think he’d be there.

Would you agree with this statement; Even though the ‘Attitude Era’ was a boom period for WWF, the in ring product that we get, especially on SmackDown is much better today.

I agree, but in the year 2000 they had great angles and great matches. That’s why it’s my favorite year.

I read ur a pearl jam fan SO AM I!!! Top 5 pearl jam songs?

1. Even Flow
2. Better Man
3. Alive
4. Black
5. Jeremy

Did u ever see Evan Braun, oops, I mean Evan Bourne in Wrestling Society X as Matt Sydal? Crazy ability. Why would Vince now make him use less than half of his athleticism?

Nope, didn’t see him. Vince taking away athleticism is stupid. That’s what he does, though.

Worst wwe and world heavyweight title reigns¿¿?

Great Khali and Sid.

Do you know how JR is doing?

He updates his blog all the time. He’s getting closer to coming back to WWE in some capacity. I’m not sure when, but would love to see him back at WrestleMania.

Favourite type of suplex? Mine are snap suplex, german suplex, and the gutwresnch suplex. Saw a great double underhook suplex on youtube by, I think it was Harley Race.

Probably the German and the Dragon suplexes. The Dragon one is pretty dangerous, though.

Hey John, I think this angle with Hogan giving Abyss his Hall-of-fame ring is so damn stupid. Abyss will never even be close to the star Hogan is or was. Or do you think it was just to piss off Vinnie Mac?

I don’t think Vince cares. And yes, it’s stupid. The “power of the ring” is lame. Then again, the Undertaker had the power of the urn for many years too.

John, Captain Anonymous here. I heard on the radio yesterday that a poll said Canadians, on average, love bacon more than sex. This can’t be true…can it?

I was not asked. I would not pick bacon. Maybe I should move to America.

BASEketball, South Park B,L,U, Cannibal the Musical, Team America.. do you like the Trey PArker/Matt Stone brand of comedy, and if so which was your favorite movie? I’m parital to BASEketball, but Cannibal the Musical is a close second.

Love Parker & Stone. Gotta go with Team America. The sex scene is amazing.

What happen to the Gladiators show that Hogan and Ali was hosting?

Did shitty ratings. Got cancelled.

Crazy over the top Mr.McMahon or cheesy 1..2..3…oh almost had em commentary vince?

I love both, but I will go with Crazy Vince.

When wrestlers hide under the ring, do they stay there from the beginning of the show? If so are they entitled to snacks or a gameboy?

Usually they’ll run a video package. The crowd will be watching that while the arena lights are off. Then they’ll run the guy out there with refs or officials and get the guy under the ring or wherever he has to be. That’s what they did with HBK at Eliminaton Chamber.

In the “stable” i use that term loosely, what did J.O.B. stand for jugs on b*tches was my guess lol

Found it on Wiki: The acronym “J.O.B.” was said to stand for “Just Over Broke”, a reference to wrestlers’ penchant for appearing in preliminary matches and, therefore, being on the low end of the payscale.

Should Kurt Warner make the Hall of Fame?

Yes absolutely. His numbers are comparable to a lot of other guys in the HOF already. Plus, being a really nice guy that everybody loves is going to help him a lot. He might not be first ballot, but he’ll get in. And if Mike Martz wasn’t such a moron (run the ball in Super Bowl 36 against a dime defense!) he’d have two rings.

Have you seen the movie Boondock Saints and if you have what did you think of it?

Yes. I liked it. Very violent at times, but I like those kinds of movies. Better than I thought it was going to be. I liked how it was filmed.

After reading the top 50 matches 00-04, I was wondering where you’d put the Trish-Victoria hardcore match from Survivor Series 2002 on your list. That is one of the best diva matches I’ve seen.

Good match, one of the better women matches in WWE. I’d call it *** out of 5, so it’s not going to make a top 50. Still good, though.

Best super hero movie ever?

The Dark Knight.

Did the Rock and HHH get along?

In the early days, not so much. I think they’re cool. Don’t think they were ever that close, though.

Are you a fan of Family Guy?

Yes, although I’m not a hardcore viewer. Mostly watch reruns.

Whatever happened to HHH being “the king of kings”?

He’s been a family avenger and degenerate lately. He likes nicknames.

Reaction to the Austin/Beertruck moment?

Awesome, spontaneous, legendary and fun. Loved it. One of those things that happened on Raw that made you feel lucky you were watching live.

There’s been a lot of girls on Lost, who’s the one night stand, who’s the marry, and who’s the one you’d wanna stay away from the most?

Love this question! Even though she’s my favorite I’d go with Kate for the one night stand because the rest of the shit in her life would drive me nuts if we got married. The sex would be amazing, though. She is slutty. Marry Juliet. I think she’s pretty, she’s smart and she’d put up with the eventual shit I would cause her. She’s a little boring at times, but that’s okay. I’ll keep her busy. Stay away from Rousseau.

Remember the original best of 7 series between Booker T and Benoit back in WCW?

Yeah good shit. Never had a match of the year, but a lot of good three star matches.

R U a fan of reality shows?

Survivor, Amazing Race and sometimes Big Brother. I even watched a little bit of Jersey Shore to make myself feel smarter.

The 1 moment in wrestling that you marked out on the hardest?

Probably Chris Benoit winning the World Title at WM20. In my youth it was Owen being Bret at WM10. Also loved Angle/Michaels at WM21 especially the finishing sequence.

The better ankle lock, Shamrock or Angle?

Probably Angle. I love the heel hook when he takes it to the mat.

Have you ever watched Lucha Libre, AAA, CMLL?

A little bit. I like Mistico. Don’t watch it often.

Lemon or Lime?

Lemon. Don’t like lime in much of anything

is lita’s ddt cooler than mickie’s? and is it me or is trish stratusfaction and chick kick is just not that fancy like the other diva’s finisher? last question mickie face or heel, cause she is quite boring sometimes until the mccool segment

Lita’s is probably cooler, yeah. I like Trish’s Stratusfaction move although it’s a little far fetched when the person receiving the move is doing the lifting. I prefer Mickie more as a heel. She was so great in that role. Would love to see her as a heel again.

As Smackdown is your favourite show (mine too), what do you think of the commentary team? Striker is doing a good heel commentary on occasion and I think Todd Grisham is holding his own well in the absence of JR.

I like them. The Grish is fine in the role. He doesn’t say stupid shit and he keeps things going smoothly. Striker talks too much at times. However, you can tell he really is a lifelong fan of the business while being a true ass kisser of Vince, so he’s the right combo. I like the pair. I miss JR, though. A lot.

What is your favourite Simpsons Character?

Homer’s the best. After that I’d go Krusty, Moe, Apu, Bart, Ralph Wiggum and the greatest one episode character is Hank Scorpio with Frank Grimes in a close second.

Let’s jump in to the Delorian again. How would the 2010 WWE be if Shawn Michaels hadn’t done his back and Steve Austin hadn’t suffered his career ending injury?

I doubt Austin would still be wrestling because he’d be in his mid 40s. He started in his early 20s. It’s hard to go 20+ years at a high level. HBK missed four years with the back injury. He probably would have worked straight through until now. He’s close to stopping, but it’ll be another 3-4 years probably for him.

Are you aware I’ve asked you about 50 questions?

I am now. Thanks for asking, Captain Anonymous.

Do you watch Lost? If so, how do you think it will end?

Yes been watching from the beginning. My theory is the writers are heavy drug users that randomly make up shit thinking, “I wonder if people will believe this stuff!” And we do! We’re really believing that John Locke is dead, but a “smoke monster” that looks, walks and talks like John Locke is wreaking havoc. Yes, a monster. Or an island God. Something like that.

Whatever they decide for the finish can’t make sense. It won’t make sense. People can theorize and say it makes sense, but really it’s just random stuff happening all the time.

This is probably why I don’t watch sci-fi much. Can’t wrap my head around it. Maybe if I was on drugs.

Why does anyone care what you think? I really can’ get my head around it.

Well, there have been over 1000 answers now, so obviously some care. I can’t get my head around somebody asking me why others care.

Does Bryan Danielson–whoops! Daniel Bryan–know his “Tap or Snap” catch phrase, which he delivered with the gusto of a square 1950s surf film antagonist, is already used by Kurt Angle?

I’m not sure. I don’t think WWE cares. They’ve got Michelle McTaker stealing AJ Styles’ finisher (Styles Clash) and don’t seem to care.

What the hell was the deal with Undertakers orange face on Raw? I assume it was to do with his burns

Nothing to do with burns. Tanning bed, I assume.

JBL to be permanent general manager of raw. Such a good talker. Fantastic heel. Great commentator and above all a WRESTLING GOD.

I agree. He’d be awesome at it.

I’m so sick of your comments about who Triple H works out with receiving a push, when in reality, he’s scouting main event talent. Sheamus works hard, and yet you discredit him and make your stupid jokes. You couldn’t lace his jock strap, idiot!

Thanks for commenting, Triple H. I’ll be writing a column about HHH soon. A very complimentary fun. Learn to take a joke. Hunter can. You should be able to as well.

Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Jack Thwagger…who’s the most misused/disappointing of the 3?

Benjamin’s the most misused. Swagger’s disappointing because he has all the physical gifts. Don’t think he tries hard enough or wants it enough. Suck up to Triple H more, you dummy! (That’ll piss off the guy that asked the question above huh?)

What kind of pie do you like?

Poontang? I’d say apple and pumpkin are my favorites.

Do you or ever had watched any soap operas?

No. A little bit of Beverly Hills 90210 in the 90s, though. My girl Tiffani Thiessen was on. Had to watch for her.

At the time of OJ trial what were ur thoughts when he pled not guilty?

I thought for sure he was going to jail because all the evidence was against. The lawyers against him were complete morons, though.

Coffee, tea or me?

Coffee. Double double.

What are your stress relievers?

Playing basketball, playing soccer or working out. Sometimes it’s writing too.

What do you think of former WCW/ current TNA knockout Daffney? I think she’s amazing, and one of the best women ever at playing her gimmick to full potential. I claim her in the John Canton Universe. What’s your thoughts on her?

She’s all yours, Captain Anonymous. I’ve been impressed by her. She really does a great job of playing a psycho.

Ur Favorite wrestling catchphrases?

Bret Hart, Steve Austin and The Rock. Those are my faves.

Are you tired of being asked what you think of the Miz mentoring Bryan on NXT?

Yes. Thanks for not asking.

That’s it for now. More during the week. Maybe Wednesday. Keep asking the questions at the link at http://www.formspring.me/johnreport and I will do my best to reply.

———–

Taped from Milwaukee, Wisconsin let’s talk some smack…

The new WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION Chris Jericho comes out with the title bragging about how after over a year of fighting he’s back on top as champion. I love this man. I loved this promo. Asking the camera to zoom in on the title to see his name and “World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion” on it was great. Hey, he said wrestling. That should say sports entertainment. Quick, call the belt maker guy. We need a new one. Edge came out talking about how Jericho may have won, but he also gets speared by Edge a lot. They even got the crowd into chanting “spear” which is good because I’ve never heard that before. Jericho got pissed, attacked him with the mic and then went for the Codebreaker only to receive a spear from Edge. Good opening segment. Love this feud already. Looking forward to the next month of build.

Dolph Ziggler d. R-Truth & John Morrison to enter the Money in the Bank match (***)
Very strong match at about 12 minutes. They really did a good job with the nearfalls and timed their sports well. I didn’t read spoilers, so I thought going in that Morrison would win for sure. Wrong. He was my pick to win MITB. Wrong. They definitely love that “one guy hits the finisher, the other throws him out and gets the pin” ending to these triple threats, don’t they? I’m really surprised Ziggler won. I’m fine that he did because I think the de-push he got the last three or four months was unwarranted. Let’s just hope he doesn’t bust out the dreaded sleeper at WM in the ladder match.

Michelle McCool d. Mickie James to win the Women’s Title (*1/4)
Vickie Guerrero was referee. They only got about four minutes with some good action. I liked the match at TLC in December more. The finish saw Vickie fall out of the ring only to have Layla rub her butt to make it feel better (not visually appealing, trust me). In ring, Mickie James-Canton had McCool in a rollup, but Vickie slapped Mickie and Michelle finished her with a hard kick to the head for the win. Question is, if Vickie is only a consultant then couldn’t Teddy Long reverse this decision because she clearly interfered in the outcome of a match? Oh wait, there I go asking questions. Let’s just hope they mention it next week at least a little bit. Disappointed that MJC only had a 3 week run. I assume it’s to set up Mickie/Michelle/Beth @ WM. They deserve it.

Kane d. Drew McIntyre to qualify for MITB (3/4*)
Again? Apparently so. In only five minutes Kane won with a kick to the face. Clean. Yes, that was the finish. Huh? I really don’t like Kane going over McIntrye. The way WWE does these “even steven” bookings bugs me. McIntyre wins clean at the PPV, let it end. He doesn’t have to lose on the next show. Nobody gets elevated when this kind of thing happens all the time. Plus, the undefeated future World Champion lost in five minutes to a kick to the face? Not a fan of this booking. I also thought McIntyre would be in MITB. It looks like an IC title defense at WrestleMania this year.

Post match, they had McIntyre all angry after his first pinfall loss. I guess this will make him meaner. Hopefully he doesn’t get the whiner gimmick after losses. Remember that with Christian and DDP? Not a great feud.

I like the WM songs so far. That “I Made It” song by Kevin Rudolph is good while “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC is very old, but very popular. Good to mix some old with new.

I don’t know what the hell The Miz was wearing with that shirt/vest combo thing, but he came out to mention that he can be on any show now that he’s the unified tag champ. He forgot to say that HHH and HBK had no interest in working on Tuesdays, though. He asked Teddy Long to find a tag team for Showmiz to face at WM. Sorry Miz, no tag teams. Long came out to say Show wasn’t there, but if Miz wants action he gets Edge later in the night. Works for me.

Shelton Benjamin d. CM Punk to qualify for MITB (**)
Benjamin’s officially on Smackdown now. Good to know. Always been a fan of his. This was a fun match although I wish they got more time since it was only about five minutes long. These two could put on a wrestling clinic if they get 15 minutes for a match. Plus, Punk’s such a strong heel that it would do wonders for Benjamin to be in the ring against him. Mysterio came out to distract Punk, which led to Benjamin hitting Paydirt for the win. Now Shelton qualifies for Money in the Bank so that he can steal the show with some incredible athletic moves like he does every year only for WWE to forget about it the next show.

As rumored, Mysterio vs. Punk is going to happen at WrestleMania. It’s not official yet, but you can expect it to be. I think Mysterio will be in a MITB match next week only for Punk to cost him. That could be the show stealing match on the card.

The four people in the Money in the Bank match so far are Christian, Kane, Benjamin & Ziggler with four spots left. With no McIntyre, Morrison, Miz (I assume), Big Show (I assume), Punk (I assume) and Mysterio (I assume) in the match it’ll be interesting to see who’s in it. Could we see HHH and Sheamus in the match rather than having a rumored singles match? Could happen. My preference of winner is definitely Christian. He’s an elite worker in WWE that deserves a main event run. I have my doubts that it will actually happen, though.

We got the Raw Rebound. Why don’t they do a Smackdown Rebound on Raw considering Raw gets about 5.5 million viewers per week in the US while SD gets about 3.5 million viewers? Shouldn’t you try to put over the better show that you’ve got buried on Friday nights? I don’t get it.

Edge d. The Miz (**1/2)
This was a good TV main event. It’s a very fresh match (they said it was their first match together), so that was good to see. The outcome wasn’t much of a surprise with Edge scoring the pinfall via the spear after about 12 minutes. This is the kind of thing I want to see out of Miz, though. His promos are very strong, but if he’s really going to get over and become a huge star they need to put him in big TV matches to get the crowd used to his style. Otherwise, they’re going to be asleep when he gets the big push.

The show ended with Edge celebrating. No Jericho. Nothing extraordinary to end it. Don’t see that very often on Raw or Smackdown.

Three Stars of the Show
1. The Miz – Really did a great job. Continues to impress me.
2. Edge – Looked smooth in the ring. Ankle has passed the test two weeks in a row.
3. Dolph Ziggler – Like the guy. He deserves the break.

7 out of 10
Last week: 6.5

It was a typically strong wrestling edition of Smackdown. It was weird not seeing Jericho attacking Edge after the main event. Kept waiting for it, but we got nothing. Also, a good night for anybody that delivers a kick to the face apparently. It was the WWE Finisher of the Night. I just made that up.

No sign of Undertaker at all. I guess they realized how orange his face was on Raw after he probably slept in a tanning bed, so they kept him off the show. We all know Vince hates that STUPID ORANGE CRAP right? Or is STUPID ORANGE CRAP exclusive to shirts? I don’t know. Wish I did.

I’m bringing back the weekly polls. Vote:

————

In case you missed it, lots of content on my blog this week:

- Posted some quick thoughts on the debut of WWE NXT from Tuesday night. Loved the show for the most part. Miz vs. Bryan will be a great feud.

- Thoughts on Helms, Maria, Paul Burchill getting released is here. None of them are that surprising although I thought they’d keep Maria around.

- In honor of the great HBK/Taker video on Raw, I shared with you videos of what I think are the five greatest video packages in WWE history with explanations for each.

- With WrestleMania coming up soon, I thought it would be a good idea to re-post some of my WrestleMania recaps through the years. First one up is WrestleMania X-7, which I feel is the best WM ever and the best PPV in WWE history.

Check me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport and I’ll make you a deal. When I reach 1000 followers (at 753 right now) I will write a column called “The Top 100 WWE PPV matches from 2000 to 2009.” I wrote the top 50 from 2000 to 2004 and re-posted it on the blog, but I haven’t done the top 100 yet. If I get to 1000 twitter followers, I’ll get to work on that column. That’s a promise.

You can ask me anything at Formspring.com where I’ve now answered 1,150 questions in the last month with another 100 or so sitting in my inbox. I haven’t had time to post my answers on the blog, but if you go there and sift through it you’ll see a lot of answers to a lot of different questions.

Finally, I’ll have a column on Triple H coming soon. It will probably be Monday. Mostly good things. You’ll see.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
Check out the petition to get me hired by WWE with over 600 signatures.
AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

WrestleMania X7 Recap
Originally written April 2, 2001. The show took place in the Houston Astrodome and the announcers were Jim Ross and Paul Heyman.

This was undoubtedly the greatest WrestleMania of all time. After seeing it live I also think that it is the best PPV I have ever seen. Why? Let’s get to it. This is not a full play by play recap of what happened; it is basically just my thoughts on each match. I’ll use the standard five star rating system to rate the matches. Without further Apu, here she blows…

(That’s an old school TJR banner. Vintage even!)

X-Pac & Justin Credible defeated Steve Blackman & Grandmaster Sexay
How long did this match last? Three minutes? I saw about thirty seconds of it and that was the end. The double superkick is a nice finishing move and I’m guessing that the X-Factor (bad name by the way) team will be getting a tag title shot soon. They need another team in the tag title mix and these guys seem like the next challengers. I didn’t see enough to give it a rating so I’ll just go with the easy choice.
Rating: DUD

IC Title Match: Chris Jericho defeated William Regal
First of all, the crowd shots at the start of the show were just awesome to see. I was a little surprised that this match was chosen as the opener but it made sense because both guys are over fairly well. I thought the work in this match was okay although I expected more. Jericho going over makes little sense to me because he needs to go past this level while Regal would be better suited as the IC champion. I hope Jericho drops the belt on TV in the coming weeks so that he can move up the card somewhere although I’m not sure who he would feud with now. I think the Lionsault is a bad choice for a finisher too. The way he landed it last night was better than usual but the fact that he sits up on his knees, grabs his chest and then covers is not a good way to finish a match. The Walls of Jericho finisher would have worked fine because Regal wouldn’t lose much heat with a tapout. I’m surprised it only got seven minutes too. This was below my expectations.
Rating: **

Tazz & Acolytes defeated Right to Censor
This should have been the main event on Heat rather than a match on WrestleMania. It makes sense though since Vince likes to reward his talent for their work over the year by putting them on the ‘Mania card. Not everybody got to be a part of it but by having this match they got eight people on the show in a four-minute match so it worked out. Bradshaw getting the pin made sense since it was in Texas. Still though, this was a regular TV match that provided nothing for me just like I thought. Oh yeah and Tazz marks, I still haven’t seen him do anything to impress me.
Rating: 1/4*

Hardcore Title: Kane defeated The Big Show and Raven
Kane has the belt now but does anybody really care? This was the usual hardcore match with a few more comedy spots thrown in than normal. Okay, maybe they weren’t comedy spots but they were so bad that they made me laugh. The gimmicked window, Big Show & Kane breaking through the wall and of course the golf carts were just lame. The ending was decent where they fell off the stage although it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. The Hardcore genre is getting so old that I’d be a happy man if I never saw another hardcore match again. Good effort by Raven though and the big guys did a decent job too. Too bad there was no Pete Rose. I guess he was too busy gambling on the Major League Baseball season which started on Sunday. Pete Rose gambling jokes rule! Yeah!
Rating: *1/2

European Title: Eddy Guerrero defeated Test
I missed the first few minutes of this match because I put my friend’s son to bed but I was told that it was nothing extraordinary. It seemed to me that Eddy was not his usual awesome self and was just going through the motions. He is good enough that he can do that every once in a while but this is WrestleMania so I expected more of him. Even though Test lost, they put him over pretty well because it took three guys and a belt shot to give Eddy the win. I guess Eddy’s CHEAT TO WIN days are back so that is great to see. I wonder though, where does Eddy go from here? I think a feud with Raven would be great because it would help Raven get more over as a face as well as get him free of the dying Hardcore division. As for Test, I don’t know where he should go but he is getting better slowly. It would be nice to see him show more emotion though. Usual stuff here.
Rating: **1/2

Kurt Angle defeated Chris Benoit
“Lose the freaking cowboy hats. You’re not seven years old anymore. Please!” That was a hilarious comment made by Kurt Angle before the match. This match was sheer beauty and it’s the type of wrestling I will never get tired of watching. If I could compare it to anything it would probably be Hart vs. Hart @ WM10 but this was different than that. As Paul Heyman said, the counter wrestling in this match was just brilliant. I loved how they told a story from the opening minutes of freestyle wrestling to the point where Angle decked Benoit because he was frustrated. That’s great booking. I also enjoyed the parts where Benoit put the anklelock on Angle and Angle put the crossface on Benoit. While the ending with the ref bump leading to the crossface was disappointing to see, I can understand now because this feud will probably continue for another month. Angle rolling up Benoit while holding the tights was an old school finish to an old school match. The crowd responded well to it too. We’ll probably see a rematch at Backlash, likely a submission match, and I’m guessing that it will be even better than this one. I love both of these guys and I look forward to seeing this feud continue. Now, if only those Texans would lose the freaking cowboy hats! Haha, I love that line.
Rating: ****1/2

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory
Yes! One woman’s dream has become a reality! She finally has the Women’s Championship! This is better than sex! WOW! Chyna rules dude! In case you are wondering, I am being VERY sarcastic. If you read the preview you’ll be interested to know that I had pizza for dinner and I spent my time releasing that pizza from my system during this match. In translation, this match was crap so I took a crap. I’d give it a DUD but since Chyna was involved I will penalize it even more. Sorry, I don’t like bad actresses made out of plastic. Sue me, I’m biased.
Rating -**

Shane McMahon defeated Vince McMahon
Excellent work by everybody involved in this match especially Shane McMahon. Outside of the main event, this match had the most heat and the crowd responded to it perfectly. The booking was beautiful here with Shane annihilating his father leading to the awesome bump off the top rope onto the Spanish announce table. Following that came Trish turning on Vince, a catfight between Trish & Stephanie, Vince’s attack on Foley and then Vince putting Linda in the ring. The setup was perfect and even though you could see it coming a mile away the kick to the groin that Linda did to Vince was awesome. I never thought Linda McMahon could generate such a pop but they did it. Seeing Foley attack Vince was pretty cool and of course the ending was fantastic. When Shane put the trash can in front of Vince I knew the Van Terminator was coming but didn’t know if he could pull it off. He did it though and it was excellent. Once again Shane McMahon proves to me that if he really wanted to be a wrestler full time he could easily become one. I don’t think he will but I know he could be great at it if he ever attempted to. The right man won here. Magnificent storytelling to cap off a very satisfying match.
Rating: ***1/4

Tag Titles: Edge & Christian defeated The Dudley Boyz & The Hardy Boyz
Wow! What else can you say about this match? It lived up to expectations for the third consecutive time. I don’t know how some people can say that it was not better than the original TLC match from Summerslam because I think this topped it. Of course, that was a five star match and I think this one close so when you take that in mind it’s tough to say which is better. The spots in this match were once again awesome as all six guys, plus their three friends, busted their asses to put on a great show. As usual, Jeff Hardy took the most insane bumps with the Swanton onto two people as well as the biggest bump of the night which was the spear he took from Edge while hanging onto the belts. It was one of the sickest bumps I have ever seen and quite frankly I’m surprised he could walk after that one. My favourite wrestler in the match, Christian, took some crazy bumps as well. While all six guys were climbing to get the belts Christian fell all the way to floor when he was pushed. I’m guessing he overjumped the ropes or he just felt insane and decided to go for the sicker bump. Two minutes later when Spike Dudley came down Christian took the Acid Drop through a table in what was a very cool visual. I really like the Acid Drop and it was even better looking because he went from inside the ring all the way to the floor and through the table. Then of course there was the bump by Matt Hardy & Buh Buh Ray Dudley off the giant ladder through the stacked tables on the floor. That was just sick. The only person not to take a really big bump was D’Von Dudley but I read a while ago that he was pretty scared of heights so you can’t blame him for that. He did a good job, I just thought I’d point that out. The ending was not as good as the original TLC match ending but it was still very unique. It was pretty cool seeing Rhyno carrying Christian on his shoulders as they beat D’Von up the ladder. It’s a little surprising that E&C came away with the belts again although I won’t complain to much because I love those guys. I wonder if they’ll feud with some other team now because there really is nobody else out there. I’m not going to give this one the full five stars because I didn’t like all the interference, even though it did make sense, and because the ending could have been better. Still, it was an epic match and one that I will never get tired of viewing.
Rating: ****3/4

The Iron Shiek won the gimmick battle royal
After seeing all the combatants my friend Nate said, “The Iron Shiek will win the battle royal because he’s too fat to take a bump.” Well, it turns out that Nate’s expertise came in handy as The Shiek pulled the win out. It was hilarious seeing Kamala earlier in the show standing on William Regal’s desk. That was gold. The introductions for this match were hilarious especially the Repo Man’s because I love that music. A low voice saying “Repo Man” and then the techno music kicks in. This was everything you could expect from dozens of wrestlers in their 40s, 50s and even 60s. I guess The Iron Shiek won because he was the only guy, to my knowledge at least, in the battle royal that has actually won the world title. Either that or like my buddy Nate said, he was just too fat to go over the top. If the Berzerker had shown up and Kamala attempted to pin somebody I would have felt as though this was heaven but my wish was left unfulfilled. Maybe next year.
Rating: * for the moon and stars on Kamala’s torso. Excellent paint job!

The Undertaker defeated Triple H
The introduction here with Motorhead singing Triple H’s theme song live was great to see. I would like to see that sort of stuff happen more often although in some cases, like with Kane’s music, it would just be with some nerd playing an organ. Okay, so it’s not the greatest idea ever. What do you want from me? Anyway, this match pretty much lived up to my expectations although I have to give credit to the Undertaker for putting in a great effort. You know Triple H will bust his ass for us every time he is in the ring and it was good to see that ‘Taker was up to the challenge. Had this been the Undertaker of three years ago this match could have been even better. Still, I have a lot of respect for the WWF’s locker room leader who does a magnificent job of leading by example. Hulk Hogan and Kevin Nash are you taking notes? The only problem with this match was the excessive brawling that took place after the ref bump that lasted for ten minutes. I understand that the refs are about as strong as a piece of grass, and that may be stretching it, but it was far too absurd to have the guy laying face first in the ring for ten minutes without moving. Also, the brawling in the crowd by the technical area was, how do I say this, too contrived for my liking. The chokeslam was obviously onto a padded area and while some people may complain about that, I think it’s better than taking a bump flat on the concrete. I don’t want Triple H going into retirement like HBK & Foley did, do you? All in all, this was a very solid match that, as I said earlier, met my expectations. It was made even better because both guys were over so much and it was nice to see ‘Taker going over in his home state. The finish of the match was awesome with Triple H cracking Taker with the sledgehammer and then Taker gaining advantage with the Last Ride while Hunter was pounding him in the turnbuckle. Imagine if ‘Taker busted out a Liger bomb there? I know I’m dreaming but it would have been sweet. Solid match here and the best effort by the Undertaker since he returned last May.
Rating: ***3/4

World Title: Steve Austin defeated The Rock
The match that I have wanted to see for months finally happened and it did not disappoint. I can easily say that this match was BY FAR the best match that these two ever had against eachother. There is so much that I loved about this match that I am sure I will miss something. First of all, I think this was the best effort The Rock has put into any of his matches. He really has come into his own and he is always getting better. I have said it before and I will say it again, The Rock is everything that is good about the wrestling business. He deserves everything he has earned, yes earned, and one day when it’s all said and done I hope he gets the respect he rightfully deserves.

As for Austin, well, what can I say that I haven’t already said? If he wasn’t at God status before then he is definitely there now. For the second event in a row he participated in a match of the year candidate that captivated its audience for thirty minutes. He is wrestling better now than he has since the summer of ’97 when he originally hurt his neck injury and most importantly, he seems to be having fun again. I could tell he enjoyed this match a whole heck of a lot because he was wrestling as a heel for the first time in a long time. The chokeholds, the unbuckling of the turnbuckle pad, the extra time he put The Rock in the Sharpshooter and all the other little cheapshots were signs of the heel. Plus, he was swearing even more than normal. Gotta like that.

The parts I enjoyed the most were probably obvious to those of you who know what my favourite feud of all time is. First of all, when Austin was in the Sharpshooter with the blood dripping off his face it reminded me of the greatest match ever, Austin/Bret Hart from WM13, so I was marking out there. Then, when he put on the Million Dollar Dream and Rock reversed it ala Bret Hart at Survivor Series ’96 I had a near heart attack when Rock almost got the three. When I saw that stuff I knew Austin was turning heel. I had my intuitions about it before but that behaviour sealed it. Then of course there was the interaction with Vinny Mac that pretty much sealed it. The last ten minutes of this match was beautiful with Rocky nailing the People’s Elbow followed up by Vince stopping the three. Austin hits the Rock Bottom for two, a chair shot for two, a stunner for two and then the end where he lets out his frustration with sixteen (I counted) chairshots to the Rock’s body. As the ref counted to three I smiled because the Austin everybody fell in love with four years ago is back.

I don’t think Austin will have trouble getting over as a heel. He’s a legend and if anybody knows how to stay over with a crowd it is Steve Austin. I look forward to his heel run because it gives us something fresh that the WWF has needed for months now. You may disagree with me but I’m going the full monty on this one. I can watch it a million times and I’ll like it just as much as I did after the first viewing. When you can say that about a match it deserves five stars.
Rating: *****

In Closing…
This was undoubtedly the greatest WrestleMania of all time. Not only did it feature two matches that were close to or at the five star level but it also featured a technical masterpiece with Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit. The Angle/Benoit match was a workrate fans dream as they did, as Paul Heyman said, some of the best form of mat wrestling he has ever seen. A rematch at Backlash? I’d pay to see that one. The TLC 2 match was even better than the last one which is a credit to the six men who put their bodies on the line for us again. The Shane/Vince match was predictable but what mattered was that they gave us the finish we wanted. When Linda stood up the pop was just insane and Shane-O-Mac impressed me yet again. He is boy wonder indeed. Triple H was awesome as well giving ‘Taker his best match since his feud with HBK. The rest of it was either good or decent but nothing was really unwatchable.

The show ended with the two most popular wrestlers in the business having a match of the year candidate at the biggest show of the year. What more could a wrestling fan hope for? Nothing and that’s why this is the best PPV ever.

9.5/10 – I don’t give out 10s. Not yet anyway.

John C.
oratoryjohn@gmail.com

World Wrestling Entertainment has released Shane “Hurricane” Helms, Maria and Paul Burchill. Katie Lea Burchill is still in WWE although they barely use her. Neither release is much of a surprise because WWE’s roster is very big right now and with ECW evaporating there was word that some releases would happen. I’m not about to guess who might be next. If you look at the roster and notice who’s not being used you can obviously tell who the likely next releases might be.

EDIT at 2:45pmET: “WWE has come to terms on the release of WWE diva Maria as of today February 26, 2010. We wish Maria the best in all future endeavors.” Diva of the year! Wow. Was her birthday yesterday too. Some quick thoughts:

- I don’t think WWE is happy about her music career. It is shocking that they would axe her before the Celebrity Apprentice airs. My guess is she didn’t fare well on the show. Clearly if she won the show or made it far they’d have kept her on because of all the press that would get. I don’t like the concept of the show although I liked the original idea of The Apprentice with regular people.

- Her inability to learn how to really work in the ring probably hurt. It’s WWE’s own fault, though. They want to hire models who they think they can train to wrestle, but a girl like Maria wasn’t built for that. She never seemed to be able to work even a five minute match on her own. As a valet she got passed around a lot. Did okay. Nothing special.

I liked her as a person. As a performer I never thought she added that much. Stay tuned to WWE.com all day as I guess more releases will be coming. I will be out for the rest of the day and night, but when I get back home Saturday morning I will write about whatever other news is coming.

Here’s what else I wrote on Helms/Burchill.

I’ve always liked Helms since I first saw him in his WCW days as “Sugar” Shane starting out with Three Count. He was clearly a good worker in his mid 20s. Later, when WCW broke up the group and he worked singles matches as the cruiserweight champ he had very good matches on a consistent basis. I can remember multiple quality matches with Chavo Guerrero in that time period. When he got to WWE they gave him the Hurricane gimmick and it worked. Part of the reason is because Helms is a funny guy who was able to pull it off. My favorite moments as the Hurricane involved him with The Rock (I’ll post a video at the bottom of this post). They were classic segments that I’ll never forget. They dumped the gimmick a few years back, gave him a more serious role as a cruiser wrestler on Smackdown, but once they got tired of booking cruisers he went back to Hurricane and also the Gregory Helms backstage reporter character. Problem was, he never really had a serious or meaningful feud. WWE didn’t really care that he was a good worker because his gimmick was a joke and he’s short. If used right, he could have been more of an asset. Of course, a lot of people are going to point to the drunken cab incident from a few weeks ago as a possible reason to be fired. I don’t know if that’s true. They were barely using the guy even on house shows in the last few months. It obviously didn’t help, though.

Paul Burchill never really got a chance. Started out with that pirate gimmick a few years back. Didn’t work. I bet somebody told Vince that Pirates of the Caribbean was a popular movie and that they should create a pirate. I also bet that Vince never saw the movie. Wish I could get verification on that! It was too silly even for WWE. The gimmick with his “sister” Katie Lea was supposed to be some kind of incest type of deal, but with WWE going PG there was no way they were going to roll with that. I always heard good things about him as a worker especially from UK readers that saw more of him than those of us in North America. Never seemed to click in WWE, though.

Now the obvious question is will both guys end up in TNA? It’s likely. Helms will be 36 this year, so he’s still got a lot left in him. He has close friends there, especially the newly signed Shannon Moore and Jeff Hardy will be there when his trial is done later in March. As far as I know, Hardy to TNA is a done deal. Helms also has an ex-girlfriend there (Velvet Sky), but I don’t know if that’s something that will be a hindrance to him or not. Not sure about Burchill to TNA. He’ll be 31 this year, so he’s got a lot of years left in the business.

Of course, WWE wished both guys the best in their future endeavors. I recommend the future endeavors line to all of you as well. Use it. And do it with a smile. It can be very funny when used at the right time.

****

There’s a good interview with Daniel Bryan up at WWE.com right here where he talks about his debut as well as some general thoughts on the company. I read in the Wrestling Observer this week that Vince McMahon was very impressed with his performance on NXT, so that’s a good sign. It’s expected that Bryan will “win” the show and whatever competition they have because he’s by far the most polished worker. Maybe that’s why I love this show so much already. (This is the first paragraph where I’ve written his name without writing “Bryan Danielson.” Pat myself on the back for that.)

The interview’s good, but there is one problem. He didn’t suck up to HHH when asked who he wants to work with. He should have said this: “The one person I really want to work with is HHH. I think he’s the best wrestler ever. When I was a kid I watched his matches all the time and marveled at how good he was. It would be an honor to wrestle him.” It doesn’t matter if it’s true, that’s what you say! To the HHH apologists, I’m only kidding. Relax. He can take a joke. You should be able to as well. My HHH column will likely be posted on Sunday. Maybe Monday.

****

As promised, here’s a classic Hurricane clip. There are several Rock/Hurricane clips that are great. Here’s one of the better ones:

If you look to the right of that you’ll see more backstage clips plus the match they had. Lots of fun memories there.

1. Austin/Rock WrestleMania X7 “My Way” from 2001
This is the video package hyping up what was the main event at the PPV that I feel is the best in company history. I don’t even like Limp Bizkit that much, but this song fit perfectly because it was a battle of ego between the two top guys in the business. I have seen it so many times. I still love it. Always and forever.

2. Ric Flair “Leave The Memories Alone” from 2008
“I’m sorry, I love you.” Oh, and the wife he has here is now his third ex-wife. Nature Boy! Woo! Love this retirement video. So the retirement didn’t stick. Who cares? It’s wrestling. Nobody retires. Enjoy it.

3. Eddie Guerrero from Smackdown’s 10th Anniversary from 2009
This is from last year. When I think of Eddie Guerrero I smile. He always made me smile. I never knew the man, but I think like a lot of fans there was a connection with him. I miss him, but this video does a great job in showing the things that made him special.

4. Kurt Angle “Clocks” from 2003
We’re all biased to our favorites. Kurt is one of mine. I was very emotional in 2003 when Angle left after WM19 for neck surgery because we didn’t know long he’d be out. Turns out it was only about four months because the guy’s a freak. When he was close to his return, they played this video. I watched it many times. I don’t even like Coldplay, but like with all WWE video packages the song seems to work.

5. The WWF History Desire video
There are a lot of good “Desire” videos that WWE did in 2001/2002, but this one looks at the company as a whole. I like it a lot. The quality of this vid isn’t the greatest. Best I could find, though. As far as individual wrestlers go, the Steve Austin one would have to be my favorite.

Oh and here’s HBK/Undertaker from Monday’s Raw one more time:

After seeing it four or five times now all I can say is wow, that REALLY is something special. It’s hard for me to rank it yet, though. It’s too fresh.

Hopefully the videos stay up. I know WWE people read this, but hopefully they don’t get taken down. If they do, seek them out. They’re good.

There are so many others I like off the top of my head: The Owen Hart tribute, the Rock/Lesnar promo for Summerslam 2002, Michaels/Hart for WM12, Austin/Taker for Summerslam 1998 (Highway to Hell) and of course “Stand Back” by Vince McMahon although that’s more of a performance. Lots to love. Kudos to the WWE production team. Maybe the best part of the company.

Got favorites of your own? Share them.