Home > The Raw Deal, wwe > The John Report: The Raw Deal for 12/21/09 (Little People’s Court)

The John Report: The Raw Deal for 12/21/09 (Little People’s Court)

Welcome to the Raw Deal. I’m in a rush this week, so what I’m going to do is write about Raw in about 20 minutes rather than the usual 45-60 minutes that I dedicate to it every week. I also got four volunteers to do the Commentfest part for me, so while this won’t be as thorough as my norm it is going to give you everything you’ve come to expect out of the Raw Deal.

Live from Tampa, Florida this is the Raw Deal…

I thought Johnny Damon looked nervous and uncomfortable as the guest host. The crowd wasn’t really into him either. Then, they recreated the Tiger’s wife chasing a Tiger with a golf club thing? Wow. I wonder if Vince just heard of the Tiger thing now and decided to run with this. Why do it now, a month after the initial news? Way to stay on top of current events. This was one of those, “I’m embarrassed to be watching this show” kind of moments, which was accentuated by the fact that Michael F’N Cole thought it was hilarious. Of course Vince thought it was great.

The divas segment was typical. Walk out, smile, do a move or two and have no semblance of a storyline. They spent most of the match trying to cover up because some kid might be offended if they saw some cleavage. Kelly pinned Maryse after a Melina drop kick to Maryse. I also miss the use of thongs in these types of matches. Damn you, PG. Damn you to hell.

Kofi pining Dibiase in the six man was okay. Problem is, most of the momentum that was on Kofi before the TLC loss to Orton is pretty much gone. Hopefully he gets a serious push going into the Rumble. As for Legacy, they’ve gone from looking like major players to being role players again. Weak.

How can I talk about the Little People’s Court segments without going into great detail about how bad they were? Hmmmm. Let’s try this. You know how Chris Rock is arguably the best standup comedian of the last 10-15 years, but any movie where he’s been the star has been pretty bad because the scripts usually suck? That’s what this reminded me of. I generally like the work that HBK and HHH do, but these things were time wasters. They had two segments that felt like 6 or 7 minutes each and then they had to recap it all later. By the way, the combined age of the two guys making midgets on this show? 84. I’m just saying. I wish I hit fast forward through this.

The Cena/Swagger match surprisingly went about 12 minutes before Cena won with the STF. I’d rate it at **3/4. Good effort by both guys. Hopefully this leads for some kind of push for Swagger although I have my doubts considering he was barely used for the past month.

Masters beat Carlito in a squash. Eve was sitting at ringside. Why can’t she stand? I have no idea. Post match, she pulled out a mistletoe and gave Masters a kiss reminiscent of what 12 year olds do. I guess they hit their target audience with that.

Sheamus beat MVP in under 3 minutes. Good booking. I laughed when they had MVP cut a promo about wanting to be a World Champion. I think he, along with Swagger, needs to start lifting weights with Triple H. Post match, Cena wanted his rematch with Sheamus only for the champ to walk away. They announced the match for next week later in the show.

They had Johnny Damon drop Bret Hart’s name this week while Vince sold it like it disgusted him. I think they should have announced him for January 4th on this show. I guess they will next week. Two weeks of hype is better than one.

The Miz beat Santino Claus in about two minutes. Get Miz a proper feud, please.

Big Show came out, he called out the real Santa (there were ex-wrestlers dressed as Santa all night) and out he came. It was pretty obvious it was Jericho. Everybody probably knew except Cole and Lawler, who acted like the biggest idiots alive when Hornswoggle revealed Chris. All the midgets came out, Jerishow beat them up and DX came out for the save after Show gave one of the midgets a sidewalk slam. Way to be prompt, boys. I thought HHH would tear up a quad running down the ramp. They beat up Jerishow of course, and then had a confrontation with Hornswoggle. To end the show, DX announced Hornswoggle is the new official mascot of DX. I guess this means more bad skits for everyone.

To end the show, the 23 year old playing the midget that behaves like a 3 year old said “SUCK IT!” as his first words. Ponder that. Savor that. Contemplate that. Now, keep that in mind as you remember that Vince McMahon said WWE is a more sophisticated product these days compared to their past. I guess he’s right. Nobody tried having sex with a mannequin this year.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Chavo Guerrero – For being spared this week at least. Nobody should ever be happier for not being used on a show.
2. Jack Swagger
3. John Cena

In fourth place was the fan with the “Troglodyte” sign. Yes, I saw it. That was fantastic.

Rating: 3 (out of 10)
Last week: 3

Brutal show. Maybe the worst of the year although I’ve given it the same as last week’s debacle, so it’s right there with the worst of the year. At least two of the matches got decent time for a change. Did they write this show after being drunk at a Christmas party or something? It was awful. While I’m sure that Vince, HHH and Shawn think all the Hornswoggle bits were hilarious they really were not. It’s just that nobody in the company is going to have the guts to tell them they were not funny.

Next week’s show might be okay with a Sheamus/Cena title match, but all I’m looking forward to is January 4th with Bret Hart.

No polls. They are on holiday. Back next week, I promise.


Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFest
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport) after I asked for some comments about the show. The comments in green are from the commentfesters while the four volunteers that subbed in for me this week (one time only due to lack of time). These gracious gentlemen are David K. (who provided by far the most comments), Bryan Kirchoff (a good man that’s been a reader of mine for as long as anybody), Omar Miller (who didn’t provide the most comments although it’s understandable because this week was “short” on comments) and John Raughley (who seemed to enjoy my “thanks for posting” gimmick quite a bit!). They’re all good guys who I appreciate for stepping up.

First up was David K. with his contribution, which was the lengthiest of the four.

Welcome To Commentfest is JERICHOOOOOO!!!!!!

Welcome To Comentfest is CANTONNNNN!!! (Actually, it’s neither, it’s Commentfest is the FOUR HORSEMEN!!!, good try though)

COMMENTFEST is NOT CANTON this week….the BAR IS CANTON this week….and if me & my girl weren’t sick, we would be the bar too lol (Only this week?)

I call dibs on being Tully minus the Coke problem

Tully without Coke is like CM Punk without Pepsi (From lines to straight edge …)

Alright, I got my Mountain Dew, I got my pizza, and I got the remote control with the mute button in case we hear that screaming girl again… (I think Kelly Kelly is still scheduled for tonight)

was just thinking, should we have a name followers of mr john canton in general, are we the cantonation?

What’s the over/under on the length of Raw’s matches tonight? I’m taking the under no matter what.

We are the nation, of Cantonation!

I wonder who the Secret Santas are tonight… probably the vintage free agents of the MLB…

Let the festivus of commentivus begin. That’s “Let the commentfest begin” for all you Troglodytes.

Ok, I will be the first to say it.. Johnny Damon with the Bellas during Christmas = Ho’s Ho’s Ho’s (Unfortunately, Damon’s used to stretching for doubles, lucky bastard.)

People’s Court theme for the win!

Yay, Swagger gets to job to Cena. (Job? No way. There’s a legitimate chance that Cena will not win every match until he wins his championship. I mean, it’s not like he’s Superman.)

Swagger in a match? Are both of their guarantees on the line for undefeated seasons?

Why does Johnny Damon look like the HonkyTonk Man?

Michael Cole actually knows something other than VINTAGE wrestling stats? Somebody slap him!

hold on is this just my television or can you guys not hear any commentary? strange!! (Sounded like a complaint for a minute there, I’ll file that under not a problem)

He’s hosting rawrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Johnny Damon….what Jon Gosselin strives to be….

Damon is as enthusiastic as watching a slinky on the stairs…

Damon – beard/hair = FAIL. He was better as the caveman in Boston. (Hosting Raw: So easy a caveman can do it?)

IT’S PETE ROSE!!! I’M CALLING IT! (I was hoping it would be more Maryse playing dress up)

Vintage Tiger Woods getting chased by a hot blonde with a golf club

VINTAGE tiger woods spoofing!!! gotta love the family friendly raw right!!! (They love their spoofs … at least this one is slightly more relevant than Kanye)

Did you see that!, because his name is Tiger, like the animal, and she had a gold club, DID YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE JOHN!?

Wow Kelly squared with all those curves and me with no brakes.

Cue Crazy Crazy…

And just to think, only 2 years ago, those would be thongs under those short, short skirts….*sigh* (And it’d be in Egg Nog)

Wow, Maryse looks AMAZING in that (What hasn’t she looked amazing in?)

Everyone got their earmuffs? Chances are Jillian’s gonna do some carolling (sic?).

What…Melina is Divas Champion? When did this happen… (In between a midget segment, a Cole “Vintage” moment, Cena being seriously mad, and DX selling some merch from WWE.com)

What a treat! Opening RAW with the Divas. Sure beats an opening with Triple H, HBK, Cena or Orton.

I miss the Godfather and his ho ho hoes.

ok, any body in the uk watching this on sky sports? anybody experiencing sound problems, i can hear everything except for the commentary!! bizzaro-ville central this!!! i shouldn be complaining to not being able to hear cole!! (Still not sure why we’re complaining about this)

divas match. over in like 2 mins. nice. (Official Times: Entrance (1min 23sec) Match (2min 6sec) Celebration (25sec) Moments Missing Mickie James-countless)

Maryse’s top came off thats why she got pinned I think (With those outfits, We, the fans, deserved a sexy Maryse pin!)

Wait, did that match really get 5 minutes? A DIVAS match gets 5 minutes?! (Nope, close though. The extra time was probably spent fantasizing about Maryse)

OH MY GOD JILLIAN MY BABY ARE YOU OK COME HERE ITS OK JUST WAIT YOU WILL NOT BE A JOBBER FOR EVER (Not at all! She’ll have one more run at *snicker*, who am I kidding. Next stop: Future Endeavored)

I can only hope that Santa gets beat up by Stone Cold again.

THANK GOD my half hour doesn’t include the DX court segment. I didn’t want to have to sort through all of those comments. Good luck Bryan.

I’m claiming Alicia fox. (Not sure who’s left now, we’ll have to compile a list!)


ARE YOU READY????? NO I SAID…. ARE YOU READYYYYYYYY????? – Me: “Yes HHH ready for the worst segment which you have been delaying for 3 weeks only to watch DX get taken to court on “Short Notice” ala HBK… at least I can watch the Giants game instead!!!” (Midget Court or pathetic football …)

I’m calling it right now, even though he hasn’t been on yet, Evan Bourne and/or Chavo Guerrero will lose their match, I’m calling it ;P (Bad night for gambling)

wasn’t that the lsu tiger (thanks for posting SEC board members)

Ladies and Gentlemen- the abbreviated version of Commentfest. I give you… Midgetfest.

Cole needs his Tom Tucker Mustache back- WHO’S WITH ME?! (Manly facial hair contest between him and Santino)

HHH making fun of the visually impaired…vintage rebel HHH (He shouldn’t, they’re his biggest fans)

VINTAGE ECHO under the ring

get ready for vintage cole laughing his anus off when this skit ends!!!

It’s like the DX version of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe (The Game, The Leprechaun, and The Ring)

LOL @ going under the ring to a whole different world… it’s like the Never Ending Story. (Dear Lord, lets hope this story ends …)

The DX glowsticks save the day….wow. (What can’t those glowing rods of joy do?)

Vintage DX glowsticks to light the way!

Man, this is worse than sparking vampires ala twilight. (Careful what you wish for, WWE is always looking for new material. Haha, who am I kidding)

I would rather watch a dream match between Giant Gonzalez and Mark Henry than watch another minute of this.

Aren’t you supposed to knock before entering Oz?

Hold up, I thought they had a courtroom for this skit… were they on a short budget? (ok that’s my bad pun for the night) (I’ll finish the bad puns – “Hopefully this sketch is cut a bit short” – “Put it on the Raw that lands on the shortest day of the year” – and – “Raw’s creative have sunk to a new low to write this one”)

The one in the middle looks like randy orton

That midget looks like Shawn had a kid with Steve Buscemi

This isn’t even a *little* funny…. get it? (Guess there were more puns to go around)

Look at that jury. Even little Michael Cole is sitting on the end!

Now, Now….Little People jokes are beneath us. (…)

i didnt know they also had a lashley midget. (They kept him around in case Michael Hayes needed to feel like a bigger man)

Anyone know what channel pro wrestling is on? This lame midget show keeps coming on..


OH NO! IT’S GOING TO KEEP GOING! I’M GOING TO GET STUCK WITH THE WORST PART! (I don’t know … I think the best part is where it ends)

I never thought i’d say this, but this court trial has made me long for Katie Vick and body parts coming from Mae Young’s area. Please GM Bret!

The Baby Oil Brigade! All extra oiled up for us people who are stuck in the snow…

It was so bad, even cole had nothing to say after it.

Another 6-man tag? Is this WWE or EMLL? (6 people, 5 minute matches, keeps them at an average 50 seconds of ring time for every person, totally logical)

Randy will be sued by the voices in his head next.

Well, we know Kofi/Kool Aid and Braun aren’t winning. Evan Braun is this generation’s Barry Horowitz. (For all you youngin’s out there, WWE.com features him in a Where are they now? Page)

No pyro for Kofi/Kobe?

Vince has officially completely mastered the art of getting viewers to stop watching after the first 5 minutes of his show… start out with a celebrity who doesn’t know what they are doing, insert some lame comedy that nobody laughs at and then have a diva match with women who can’t wrestle…

The only thing that’ll make Part 2 worse than possibly imaginable is that if Mae Young’s baby’s hand gets called for testimony….it’s been a decade…don’t know how long that is in “hand years”

The Koolaid Kofi Koalition… hold up… how did Evan Braun get into this lineup? He’s not black and Damon didn’t make him a designated hitter…

Remember John, I called Evan losing earlier! (Oh, it was noted)

What’s the only thing worse than coal in your stocking?
Michael Cole in your stocking.

am I the only one who was hoping that ‘little HBK’ would have blown out HHH’s quad??? (I twinged when he said he was bending down to go under the ring)

Kofi with the black trunks on… it’s official, he’s a typical black man now…

Wait, commercial mid-match WITHOUT a floor spot? Somebody tell me what this program is? (Production was not on top of its game tonight as you could see, too busy laughing at the LPC)

What?!! No commercial spot to the floor?!! The writers must be tied up with the Little People’s Court script… (I rest my case)

Ohh God Don’t tell me that WWE us is gonna put MJC vs MCT in a hog pen match like Santina and Vickie! (Umm …)

Would it be wrong to call Kobe, Braun, Koolaid Team Oreo? (No. Would it be wrong to love it? Possibly.)

Now for the second half hour, here is Bryan Kirchoff’s contribution to the festival of comments…

I’d actually like to see bourne given 15 minutes against mysterio or morrison! yup that will never happen (yes it will, in the wonderful world of make believe)

All I want for Christmas is not to lose a match…(Thanks for posting, Evan Braun) (wish come true, no stilts for you Evan)

Dibiase looks like a steroid version of Richie Rich. (does that make Cody his faithful dog Dollar???)

Is Orton shouting instructions or is it the Voices coming out of his head???

Santa and his Hos… I know I can’t stop making jokes like that… (at least it wasn’t a Tiger Woods reference)

CARLITO?! FOR A MONTH?! What the hell is this?! (didn’t you hear…he works out with HHH now)

WOW. Making fun of “don’t ask, don’t tell” with the Sarge.

Gay jokes=vintage sophistication, and midget court is next. (WWE a place for only the classiest people)

Commercial break with no floor spot? Vince must of drank too much holiday nog.

Well, let me see if this works, John….


Isn’t that top hand a bit HIGH to be a little person? (they were stacking up on top of one another. Obviously you have never been attacked by a mob of little people)

I actually miss Chavoswoggle. (tell me he did not just say that)

I don’t know what’s redder right now- my face or my palm….

I need to start making funnier comments…

Boys and Girls Sylvester The Cat & Daffy Duck’s Favorite Wrestler: Jack Thwagger (don’t forget Mike Tyson)

“The biggest win of his career.” Nice cole. I guess beating cena on raw is bigger then winning the ECW championship. (technically it is)

We’re at the top of hour two, so here is Omar Miller’s part. Let’s just say he was selective.

Um… ok…. I don’t get that.. (Don’t worry nobody else did either.)

Hey Michael Cole, what’s the longest running weekly episodic show? I can’t remember.

(as the count from Sesame street) how many moves does john cena perform before he tries the attitude adjustment. 1! 2! 3! 4! 4 moves! HAHAHAHA! (Frankly any Sesame Street Reference is gold in my book.)

Even Taz got in the fun making fun of Vintage Cole last nite during PPV (This came from a commenter by the name of Jackmeat Whippo. The rest is well … you know.)

Heading into the final thirty minutes plus the overrun here is John Raughley’s part. It was a festival of “Thanks for posting…” style John Canton jokes. I’m flattered.

I’d rather live with Crohns disease than watch another installment of Little People’s Court

So tonight we get the Creamsicle vs MVP…. Did I just hear someone say 3 Minutes????? (thanks for posting Eric Bischoff)

If Sheamus was any whiter, he would be transparent….(no i won’t say that to his face) (thanks for posting Greatest Name EVAR)

Sheamus is as white as the WWE Logo on the title belt (thanks for posting “Sheamus is as white as…” guy)

Cole: Sheamus is DEVELOPING Confidence every week – I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE THE GOD-DAMN WWE CHAMP HAS CONFIDENCE, NUMNUTS! (thanks for posting disgruntled viewer)

Anytime Sheamus takes a shot to his body, he turns an entirely different color. (thanks for posting color spectrum)

Hey Yo…Did anyone else hear the fan that yelled “Razor’s Edge” during Sheamus’ finisher? Epic! (thanks for posting Scott Hall)

Troglodyte sign in the audience!

its a good thing WWE is in florida tonight, because if they were in the northeast, they would probably lose sheamus in the snow


Must say… 20 minutes in to my portion and the commenting slowed down. Where’s DX/Little People when I NEED THEM?! (thanks for posting left out Commentfest Host)

Miz is stomping Santa’s sack! I said sack. (thanks for posting Beavis & Butt-Head)

I heard someone yell “TNA” lol

ooo, please let michael cole get in show’s way, then all the members of the commentfest will get one of their xmas wishes when he gets KTFO’d (thanks for posting wishful Commentfester)

<—-Sees the Big Show and already missing Jericho… (thanks for posting Troglodyte)


Yes! Jericho is a great Christmas present haha (thanks for posting John Canton)

Best moment in Raw history… Show slammin a midgy.

DX Vs. Jeri-show in a midget squashing contest for the WWE Tag Team Championship ……….You heard it here first (thanks for posting anonymous creative team member)

It’s sweet shin music!

He can’t speak anything but Leprechaun, but can actually speak and say SUCK IT????? (thanks for posting Common Sense)

Thanks again to David, Bryan, Omar and John for helping me out. Good job, fellas.


Next week’s Raw Deal will be back to normal. This weekend’s Talking Smack will get posted on Saturday (Boxing Day here in Canada) at some point that afternoon and should be about the normal length too. Christmas Day is going to be nuts, but at this point Saturday’s a day of relaxation until the evening. I should be coherent enough to write out a review of that show. I’ve read the spoilers already. A rant will be coming during that one, I promise you.

You can check out my blog located at johnreport.wordpress.com for updated daily content. I post things like shorter commentaries, news & notes, random videos and whatever else is on my mind. In 2010 the blog will grow. I’ll wait until the new year to give you the details.

Finally, since this is my last post before Christmas I want to share with you an image of something that, to me, is the greatest Christmas moment in the history of the wrestling business. I’m far from a graphic expert (I know nothing), so don’t rip me for the poor graphic. For the record, I still don’t know who I’m more jealous of in this photo. I love both. Consider this to be my Christmas card from me to you.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Check out the blog at: johnreport.wordpress.com
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

  1. MIchael
    December 22, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    Best Christmas card ever :) Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Germany

  2. robyn
    December 22, 2009 at 1:54 PM

    Just watched Raw on the DVR…they must’ve replayed that godawful DX skit three separate times–ok, I get it, Vince! Midgets = comedy to you. Ugh!

    I give Big Show credit for asking “Santa” for Jericho back on Raw, but I’m not sure even Y2J could save us from a show this bad. =P

  3. Jacob
    December 22, 2009 at 2:34 PM

    I don’t think the show was as bad as you made it out to be. Yes, the Midget comedy bits are awful, but I thought there was some decent wrestling on this show: 6 man tag match was one of the better 6 man tag matches on RAW in a long time, the Jack Swagger vs. John Cena match was much better than expected, and I thought the bit at the end with Jericho as Santa and Show was pretty hilarious.

    • robyn
      December 22, 2009 at 4:31 PM

      The matches were sandwiched in the stupidity…it just left a sour taste, so to speak. Is it too much to ask for less stupidity and more wrestling? Even *bad* matches would be better than watching midget court.

    • Aaron
      December 23, 2009 at 1:07 PM

      The matches were not that good.. the Swagger Cena match was decent (I agree with John’s rating) but a predictible finish has me just saying “end it”. The 6 man tag wasn’t average at best, and I don’t feel Kofi gets any steam from it. Would it be ok for Kofi to win the feud and to elevate from there?

      The comedy bits, ALL OF THEM, were terrible. Santino wasn’t even funny, and hasn’t been for a while. These last two weeks? Ouch.

      Jericho and Show we’re ok, I’ll give you that, but when you bring in Swoggle, and then Dx to make the save and end the show with that garbage… yesh, it’s a bad Raw. A wrestling show SHOULD have good matches, and I can’t praise them for Cena/Swagger with a predictible finish. Good for Swagger to display some talent.. good for Cena to do waht Cena always does. When I have to pull a needle out of a stack of shit to find something good, it’s a bad show.

  4. j to the r-o-c
    December 22, 2009 at 4:06 PM

    the second i see a midget jan 4th, the channel is being turned to TNA…

  5. Jamie C
    December 22, 2009 at 5:04 PM

    I’ll always defend – and watch – the WWE until the day I (or the company) die(s), but the last two weeks have been pretty awful. I suppose they’ve literally got nothing to aim for in the last weeks of the year, but these have still been pretty brutal.

    The shining light in all this though is that from January till April-ish, there’s no better place to watch a good wrestling show than the WWE. I have no interest in TNA as why should I care about Hulk Hogan in 2009? It’ll be the same shit, just on a different show. ROH is a good alternative but I still feel as though many of those guys are just going out there doing the same things. The WWE CAN do it right, I’m sure they’ll prove me right from Jan 4th onwards.

    There’s potential for this to be one of the best Wrestlemanias ever (in my mind I’m hoping they go with Bret/Vince, HBK/HHH, Edge/Jericho, Cena/Taker) so it’d be silly for people to think that the ‘quality’ of these shows are what’ll be in store in 2010. Mark my words, WWE will prove us all wrong in our criticism and show they can do things right.


    – Jamie

    • Aaron
      December 23, 2009 at 1:17 PM

      I think most wrestling fans around the age of 21 and older are looking forward to this show as well… but Bret needs to re-establish himself. The WWE has to re-introduce him toa new audience of 10 year old wrestling fans (and around that age). I have a 9 year old, and explained that Bret coming back will be exciting. “Who’s Bret Hart?” is the response I get. I show him my DVD, he looks at it and it’s “He wears pink!?!”

      Poitn being, he’ll need to be alomost rebranded for the audience. One name drop on two shows still is not getting the attention it deserves, other than from us smart marks. And with the new WWE, I don’t think they want to dwell on the screwjob becuase WWE is back in kay fabe mode and pulling the wool over our eyes again. Explaining a screwjob for what it was is not what WWe wants to display.

      I wait patiently for Jan 4th.. and am fearful of disappointment from both shows, but I have confidence that WWE can have a great “road to Wrestlemania” if we featured the above matches you mentioned (I really don’t want ‘Taker/HBK, despite the quality of a Mania match they had last year) coupled with a surprise Rumble winner going for a title, MITB is always quality, and all the glitz that comes with the show, if done correctly, WWE could indeed make this a big Wrestlemania.

      But I don’t book this crap, noone with a brain seems to book this crap. WWE has been botching their product for the last 3 weeks or so… I can’t trust that Wrestlemania will appeal to me with the direction WWE is going in at this time.

  6. Rated R
    December 22, 2009 at 6:07 PM

    Honeslty, if this show continues like this, you should reconsider making a report for it. It’s just not worth it at all. I really hope Bret Hart changes all this lame crap. Last night I turned it off at the beginning of the mainevent. I just had it. But just in the beginning, seeing that girl run around out of nowhere made me feel embarrassed being a wrestling fan. I feel sorry for not only those who bought tickets to go through that horseshit for 2 hours, but also for those wrestlers being on the show.

  7. Tyson
    December 22, 2009 at 7:19 PM

    In early October, Jack Swagger declared that he wouldn’t lose a match for the rest of the year. Five weeks later, Bourne beat him clean in the center of the ring because…(scratches head) ummm….

    Last week, Cena declared that he would not lose a match until he regained the WWE title. Two weeks later, he gets a title shot. So, either Cena regains the title, begging the question why he bothered with the pledge last week, not to mention why they put the title on Sheamus in the first place, or Sheamus beats Cena deeming the whole promise invalid after a miniscule amount of time. Unless Cena wins by DQ because Sheamus goes ballistic on him, there’s no good way for this to play out. I swear I sincerely wonder if the creative team actually remembers what is going on from week to week.

  8. Darrell Hempel
    December 23, 2009 at 10:23 AM

    John, thanks for the graphic at the end of your column. Mmmmmmmm

    What? Where was I? Oh, yeah – that wasn’t my real comment. What I really wanted to know is – did anyone else think that Santa Chris (was gonna write Santicho but that looks like a corn chip or a Mexican food or something)sounded more like Stewie Griffin than Santa Claus?

  9. Tabitha
    December 23, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    This week was the first time in a long time that I turned off the TV and just went to bed. The Little People’s Court did it for me. After reading this I’m glad I did.

  10. rob
    December 23, 2009 at 4:33 PM

    After reading TJR, all I can say is Im glad I missed the show this week.

    • December 23, 2009 at 7:04 PM

      The John Report: Keeping people from watching shitty Raw’s since 2009.

  11. Lloyd Braun
    December 23, 2009 at 10:34 PM

    Actually, that may be the point. Nobody says that a wrestler has to make good on a promised winning streak. The bad thing about Swagger’s ‘streak’ is that nothing good whatsoever came out of his failure… no story line. In Cena’s case, a defeat could allow for another of those awful “I let the fans down” speeches, and a Cena who’s motivated by trying to prove to himself and to the world that he still has it. It could be a good thing…

    That being said, no way Cena loses clean. As well as the whole thing could work, it’s hard to imagine Hulk Cena losing two straight title matches to someone as green as Sheamus.

  12. December 24, 2009 at 2:19 AM

    FYI, got the thumbs up from Mickie on the card.

  13. Tyson
    December 24, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    Yeah, I’m in agreement that a wrestler doesn’t have to dominate the federation just because he made a promise that he wouldn’t lose again. The point I was trying to make is that it’s ridiculous to add that kind of stipulation if the creative team has no plans to do anything with it. The writers are becoming Russo-like in their tendency to just throw stipulations and guarantees at the audience and then disregard said stipulations whenever they want. I’m not arguing that just because a wrestler promises not to lose that he should be entitled to a victory. I’m saying it would be nice if they built up these angles and let them “catch fire” before the wrestler either attains his goal or fails.

    If Cena would continue having good matches with a variety of opponents, like he had on Raw with Swagger, every week leading to the Rumble only to fall victim to Sheamus and fail on his promise then at least the guarantee meant something. It would lend even more importance to that match and the fans would understand what’s at stake. It’s hard to get that excited about Cena getting his shot when he’s only won two matches since his “I will not lose” speech. I just think it needs to be built up more.

    • Jacob,
      December 24, 2009 at 9:08 PM


      Calm down. You don’t know what’s going to happen yet. What would make the most sense is for Sheamus to get in trouble, resort to cheating, and get DQed, thus having the dual effect of stoking the heat Sheamus is building as a heel and maintaining Cena’s streak for their eventual PPV rematch.

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