Home > Talking Smack, wwe > The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/29/10 (Plus Rumble Preview)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/29/10 (Plus Rumble Preview)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/29/10 (Plus Rumble Preview)
Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. This is going to be brief. Long story short, I was at a bachelor party in Niagara Falls. Started at about 4pm Friday. Ended at about 12pm Saturday. I slept two hours. Came home around 5pm, slept about 5 hours and now it’s past midnight Saturday night. I can’t sleep. I’m wired like never before. I’m on such a high. It was a great party and then I got some incredible news too (more on that later). At the end of the Smackdown review, which will be brief, I’m throwing in a link to my quickie Royal Rumble preview as well. It was already posted on my blog on Wednesday, but I’m putting it in here too in case you missed it. Let’s get to it.

Taped from Cincinnati, Ohio let’s talk some smack…

DX started the show off. They were about to cut their typical promo when Rey Mysterio interrupted. He told Shawn he’s not going to face Undertaker for the belt because he (Mysterio) was going to win the belt at the Rumble. Punk, Gallows and the newly named Serena Mancini interrupted. There was some dialogue exchanged between HHH and Punk that was pretty good although Hunter did get his gay joke/insult in there of course. Hunter did great by referencing Amy Winehouse’s crack binge and the Britney Spears bald look that Serena is sporting. Teddy Long came out. He said the tag title match was off. Instead we’d get HHH vs. Punk and Michaels vs. Mysterio. Fine with me in terms of being good matches. I guess they’re going to wait a week or two to drop the titles.

By the way, I think it’s a mistake to do Michaels vs. Mysterio unadvertised. Mysterio’s a top draw on Smackdown especially with Latino viewers while more casual fans are going to tune to see a dream match like that for only the second time (happened at the Eddie tribute show). I’m assuming it went unadvertised because they decided on the match on Tuesday, after they promoted the tag on Raw. Or maybe I’m thinking too much. And we all know that thinking too much is not a good thing when it comes to WWE.

Triple H d. CM Punk via DQ (**1/4)
They got about 12 minutes. It was a solid TV match. I’d like to see a feud with them in these roles because the chemistry looked good. I thought for sure HHH was winning, but I’m happy with the DQ. Serena did a really good job of attacking HHH and the beatdown ensued. Michaels came out for the save, Punk put Serena in front of him and took off as Michaels nearly kicked her. He loves kicking females like that young girl back in his chef days. I thought Serena fit in very well in the group. She might quickly become a new favorite of mine. Oh, and the idea that somebody would cut HHH’s hair with a razor in a ring was unintentionally hilarious. That man loves his hair, people. Not gonna happen.

R-Truth d. Chris Jericho (**1/2)
Yes, Truth pinned Jericho clean on a counter jackknife pin to the Codebreaker in about 10 minutes. Jericho’s the most unselfish main eventer in the company. He probably suggests to lose these matches and then convinces Vince that they were his idea. It wouldn’t shock me. He sees the big picture. Not everybody does. The win doesn’t matter that much in the long run although I’d expect Jericho throw Truth out of the Rumble now. It would make sense. Also, Matt Striker singing R-Truth’s song was pretty great. It is a catchy tune, I have to admit.

Backstage, Josh talked to a golfer. Oh wait, it’s Batista wearing a pullover and a golfing hat. Who told him this was a good outfit? Weird. Typical heel promo from him.

Did You Know? At the end of this column I’ll be sharing the greatest picture ever.

Drew McIntyre d. John Morrison in a No DQ IC Title Match (***1/4)
They got about twelve minutes, plus the top of the hour spot in a loaded show. That’s a good sign. I wasn’t that impressed with McIntyre in the tag match last week. This week he impressed me again. He really busted his ass to keep up with Morrison while doing a good job of having realistic offensive moves. They’re calling his double arm DDT the “Future Shock” now, which is a good name. Works for me. The only thing that bugged me here was when Striker made it a point to say it was no countout along with no DQ. Of course it is. Why would there be a countout in a no DQ? And why not just call it a street fight? Oops, I’m asking questions again. Better stop. I assume the feud is over now with McIntyre moving onto a new opponent while Morrison hopefully moves up the card. Nobody in WWE deserves it more based on performance.

Michelle McCool came out. Her voice is pretty annoying. I think she went heel with it though, so that’s okay. They replayed the great segment from the week prior. She called out Mickie (more on her later). No sign of her until the music played and it was Layla dressed in a fat suit complete with a pig nose. This bombed. I didn’t laugh. It’s not just because Mickie’s a friend, either. It was a poor segment. Last week was a homerun. This was a strike out where the batter didn’t even swing his bat. (That’s a baseball analogy for you non North Americans). It was poor and the crowd shit all over it too. If Mickie came out to attack one of them at the end it would have made it worthwhile. Instead, we got nothing. It just ended. Weak. Oh well, the match will still be hot.

Batista the golfer bumped into Michaels. They talked about their tee time. Actually, they talked about the Rumble with Batista making threats. Hunter the DX Family Avenger showed up, he snarled a bit at Batista and the golfer walked off. It was just a quick promo for the Rumble.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio ended in a No Contest (****)
It’s right at four stars (out of five) for me, which is still great. They were given about 16 minutes. When was the last time any match on Raw was given something close to that? I have no idea. They really worked hard during the match with Michaels enjoying being the bigger guy for once. He chopped Rey a lot here. Mysterio came back with the speed quite a bit while Michaels did a lot of smart counters. The ending was fantastic with Mysterio hitting the 619 and then going for the springboard. This next sequence was a flashback to when Michaels superkicked Shelton Benjamin out of the sky for the win. He did it to Rey too, who sold it perfect. The timing was magnificent. I know people will say the Benjamin one was better because it was first and that’s true, but his was awesome as well. I would love to see this match on PPV. It would be a draw just because of who they are. As good as this match was, imagine if it happened in 1997 before both guys had multiple surgeries especially on their knees. After the superkick happened, Batista ran in for the no contest/dq/whatever you want to call it. No golfing hat in the ring, though. He means business.

Post match, Batista continued his attack when HHH saved. He clotheslined him so that he also went over the top and with Michaels & Mysterio laying the lights went out. They came on with Undertaker standing in the ring.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Shawn Michaels
2. Rey Mysterio
3. CM Punk

8 out of 10
Last week: 7

Awesome show. Four good matches that were given time is a success in my book. I don’t really care that HHH/Punk and Mysterio/HBK didn’t have finishes. They’re not necessary. They told the story in their matches. They worked hard. That’s what I want to see. The Morrison/McIntyre match was a very solid brawl. The only thing I didn’t like was the McCool/Layla bit because it was too over the top and didn’t really come off as funny to me. I’m not going up to the 9 because of the non-finishes. They were still good matches and not putting somebody over is fine. I just can’t give it a 9.

I don’t reach 8’s very much. This show deserved it, though. I love Smackdown and this week’s episode was a perfect example as to why.

I’m not really sure why my girl Mickie James wasn’t used on the show. All I know is this is the best sign ever.

Yes, it says “Hi John James-Canton” on the sign. See that? It’s visual proof that she approves of the name. Thanks to my boy David Kleber for the sign and the photo. What a guy. Best. Picture. Ever.


I’ll add Commentfest Sunday in the AM. Too beat right now.

To read the quickie Rumble preview with poll results from Wednesday click RIGHT HERE.

I’ll likely have some kind of live post on my blog Sunday night during the show. I might update it throughout the night or post it immediately after it’s over. Either way, I will be covering the Royal Rumble exclusively on The John Report blog. Be there.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
Check out the petition to get me hired by WWE with nearly 600 signatures.
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com

Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

Categories: Talking Smack, wwe
  1. Jon
    January 31, 2010 at 3:15 AM

    The only thing funnier than commentfest is how this Canton Universe (suck on those apples, Vince) is getting a bunch of pictures of their signs of late.

  2. JCITY617
    January 31, 2010 at 3:22 AM


    • Jon
      January 31, 2010 at 11:30 AM

      Thanks for posting, Vince McMahon

      • JCITY617
        January 31, 2010 at 4:09 PM


        • Michael Ryne
          January 31, 2010 at 6:45 PM

          Next to the ‘A’ key on your keyboard, there’s a key called ‘Caps Lock,’ you should try pressing it.

          • JCITY617
            January 31, 2010 at 7:30 PM


          • JCITY617
            January 31, 2010 at 7:51 PM


            • Cypher
              February 1, 2010 at 7:29 PM

              You’re the only guy I know that wants people to get off his dick.

              • JCITY617
                February 3, 2010 at 5:17 AM


  3. JIM
    January 31, 2010 at 3:25 AM

    I’ve been timing the amount of in ring wrestling for about a month for RAW, Smackdown! and Impact. It’s usually around 20-25 minutes. This week Smackdown! had just about 50 minutes. That’s nice to see. Is it too much to ask that RAW does the same?

  4. Conrad42
    January 31, 2010 at 3:37 AM

    I don’t know if you missed it John, but you didn’t mention it. There was a pretty cool moment after the Undertaker appeared in the ring. He stared at Shawn and Rey for a bit before slapping his hands around their throats.

    The cool part is that he looked back and forth between the two like he couldn’t decide who he wanted to chokeslam for a while, before finally chockslamming both.

  5. Conrad42
    January 31, 2010 at 3:47 AM

    Oh, and BTW…I’m not a huge Mickie fan, but I didn’t find the Layla skit to be funny either. Just stupid really.

    I’m more of a Natalya guy, or THE Natalya guy. I tune into Smackdown for the first time in a while and guess what? No Natalya…total B.S. Your rating should’ve been at least 2 stars less because of that, lol.

  6. Y4J
    January 31, 2010 at 5:34 AM

    i’m actually really surprised you didn’t mention the Sheamus/Drew Mac/HHH stuff Morrison was saying. Unless he’s been sayin it, but either way, it was cool.

  7. Dangerzone
    January 31, 2010 at 6:04 AM

    I’m glad Punk didn’t have to job to HHH. This set up the upcoming title match nicely. And I didn’t think I would say it, but Serena looked great (she has great charisma)!

  8. kris Karcher
    January 31, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    john you are mistaken. i laughed my ass off at Layla in the fat suit. one of the funniest things I’ve seen in the WWE in a while. ( the exception of course being santino.) but other than that i agree… great show. i would go 8.5 maybe 9. all around a perfect show.

  9. Jon
    January 31, 2010 at 8:57 AM

    Just throwing it out there… Jeff Hardy is going to win the Royal Rumble. All of the TNA stuff was to make it even more unexpected. Imagine the roar of the crowd if he came out #30.

    • RKO
      January 31, 2010 at 6:40 PM

      Might be wishful thinking, but there’s no doubt this would be epic. Gotta think HBK or Y2J might be getting the nod tonight, anyone but Hunter Herst-McMahon

  10. Mr.ken
    January 31, 2010 at 9:39 AM

    awesome show. Wow it feels good too see something where the wrestlers work for a change. Raws looking like a b show maybe the c show (jerichos beed on superstars) i realy dont expect hardy to show up at the rumble. But there are only 25? At last count advertised superstars. Ill tell you something ill mark out if i hear CAN YOU DIGG IT SUCKA!

  11. Brian W.
    January 31, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    Congrats on the Mickie James Canton sign, John. It would have been even better had she held up the sign just a bit higher, so that it would obscure the top of her blouse, and we could imagine Mick nekkid behind it…;)

    Y4J- I also noticed and loved the commentary by Morrison vis-a-vis McIntyre and Sheamus’ respective “backstage boosters”. One could argue JoMo was referring to Vince McMahon’s very public endorsement of Drew, but the “Pedigree” comment sort of puts paid to that…

  12. Brandon
    January 31, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    Actually, I agree with John in regards to the fat suit Mickie segment. I didn’t find it funny at all. I have no idea what will happen at the Rumble but I’m afraid Triple H is gonna win it. Hopefully they have some kinda curveball to throw at us.

  13. CJ H
    January 31, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    The Lay-Cool promo match, while well done by Layla wasn’t funny overall and I was shocked that there was no retaliation. The show was excellent as stated by everyone else. Things can change on the way to Wrestlemania so I’m hoping they really do throw a curveball in the Rumble match. It will be very interesting tonight.

    BTW check this out: http://regularguy87.wordpress.com/

  14. Jay
    January 31, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    Take a look at Batista’s wardrobe choices for backstage segments over the last 6 months. They are hilarious. Do you think they are lost bets with Jericho, elaborate ribs, or he has enough hand to dress like a buffoon on TV? There has to be some back story. At least the Monster wasn’t wearing pink this week.

    This was the best WWE show in ages. I would give it an 8.5. It was the first time in ages that I did not change the channel during a WWE show. The matches were great and ones that I was curious to watch. The promos were all right. If only H3 would develop laryngitis permanently. This MJC stuff has gone way to far. It offends me in a bad way much like Roddy Piper breaking a coconut over Jimmy Snukas head. But McTaker will get it in the end when the old dead guy dumps her for a younger model and the company fires her.

    In reality, it was an 8.0 show. I gave it a 8.5 just to point out how much better this weeks show was than anything recent. If judged against stuff from 10 years ago, it is a solid 8. Nice job WWE…. Use this show as a blueprint, and fire the person who invented the _ James angle. (Note, I have decided not to dignify the “P” word in writing, and neither should anyone else.)

  15. JIM
    January 31, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    I hope they don’t waste any spots in the rumble. By this I mean giving one to Hornswoggle, a celebrity (Drew Carey) or an old veteran like Piper, Slaughter, or Steamboat. We all know they won’t win, so why waste our time. All 30 slots should go to actual wrestlers on the main roster. I know Evan Bourne isn’t winning but it’s more believable than the others, except for Sgt. Slaughter. He’s my pick. Sheamus vs. Slaughter, WrestleMania’s greatest match, EVER!

  16. ANDY
    January 31, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    Wow just shows you what happens when they let the top guys wrestle and please could you do a special blog on Chris Jericho on how many matches he has lost to push other wrestlers over the last 14 months,and are we getting a HHHBatista match

  17. Sam
    February 1, 2010 at 9:48 AM

    “Backstage, Josh talked to a golfer. Oh wait, it’s Batista wearing a pullover and a golfing hat. Who told him this was a good outfit? Weird. Typical heel promo from him.”

    Of course he is dressing like that he IS a grandpa, right?

  18. Aaron
    February 1, 2010 at 1:46 PM

    The thing that worries me about a guy as good as Jericho is that if he continues to put guys over clean, the guys he puts over in the future will be less credible in the eyes of the fans. You can only put so many guys over before you start to look like an enhancement worker or “JOBBER”.

    It would not Batista, HHH, Cena to put the right guy over once in a while.. even once a year maybe? But I know this loss, as well as others in the recent past hasn’t hurt Jericho too much, but I think it’s starting to a little bit.

    Edge is going to for the title.. logical solution is to put it on Jericho, but will they? Why would I guy who has been losing matches left and right be in any position to win the title at THIS time? And could they possibly move Edge to Raw? I doubt it, but it’d be a curveball we would not expect.

    Lots of possibilities. Good for Edge, he does deserve it..

  1. February 3, 2010 at 5:26 PM

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