Home > Columns, General Wrestling > Guest Column: Sports Entertainment Weekly by Andrew Johnson

Guest Column: Sports Entertainment Weekly by Andrew Johnson

Note from John: The guest columns start this week. This is the first one. I’ll have four regulars to start. There might be more in the future. I’m not really taking applications, though, so don’t waste time sending something in. Here’s the first contributor.


Hello John Report fans. My name is Andrew Johnson, and I’ve been a wrestling fan since Terry Taylor was strutting around the ring dressed as a chicken. I am a 26 year old married man with a job and responsibilities, but I still take time to watch and make light of a business that has entertained me for years. For the past month I’ve been doing a weekly segment on my blog, the JohnsonNation, where I comment on my favorite wrestling headlines of the week. So without further adieu, I bring you…

This week, in Sports Entertainment…

Kevin Nash Films “Sex” Scene with Wrestling Diva

TNA star Kevin Nash filmed a sex scene last week for indie filmmaker Shawn Cain’s Ultimate Death Match II with indie darling April Hunter. The film features a number of wrestlers, including Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Sabu, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Al Snow and Shane Douglas, but none of them were lucky enough to draw the “get to simulate sex with April Hunter” straw.

I guess if we are going to watch an over the hill wrestler have sex on screen, it might as well be Nash. He’s still reasonably in shape, and if it wasn’t him we could have gotten stuck with someone else in the cast. We’ve already seen Waltman’s sexual performance (1 Night in China), and I don’t think it would be fair to subject us to it again. I have no desire to see Tommy Dreamer or Scott Hall’s man boobs on screen, and I think Sabu requires at least one table spot in his love making. I’ll admit though, it would be funny to watch Al Snow scream “I’ve got head!” mid-fellatio.

Possible Change in RAW Timeslot

Dave Meltzer reported that there is talk within WWE of making RAW three-hours each week if TNA moves to Monday nights for good. It seems that the USA Network is high on RAW going to three-hours, but Vince and Stephanie McMahon are both said to be against it. Meltzer is a pretty reliable source in the wrestling world, but I don’t know how much weight this rumor holds. While a three-hour show might improve on the amount of actual wrestling seen on the show, it also leaves open the potential for more bad comedy sketches.

Since Vince isn’t on board I doubt it will happen, but you know all it will take is someone to suggest a full hour of Hornswoggle yucking around with the guest hosts and Vince will get so excited he’ll cum in his pants.

Changes Being Made to ECW

Looks like WWE is taking steps to get rid of the ECW brand a lot sooner than we all thought. There have been talks about giving the ECW franchise a reboot for several months, but most assumed it wouldn’t occur until after WrestleMania. This past Tuesday Vinnie Mac showed up on the C show to announce changes were coming, and since then it’s been rumored on the internet the show will be rebranded as WWE NXT.

WWE NXT will be what ECW has been for a while; a place for new talent to be showcased and developed. It will be like a developmental territory, but will also give them TV time to build their characters before they are brought up to one of the two main rosters.

This is all pretty predictable stuff, except for the sources that said SyFy has requested that WWE incorporate science-fiction and alternative elements into the Tuesday wrestling broadcast. I know that most fans will roll their eyes at this (anyone remember the ECW Zombie?) but I have to say I’m pretty excited for it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s going to be good by any stretch of the imagination. But, can you picture what they might come up with? This is the company that created Max Moon, Damien Demento, GTV and the freaking Boogeyman. Imagine what they will do now that they are being encouraged to be ridiculous.

It’s going to be a train wreck. A beautiful, exciting, and entertaining train wreck.

Beth Phoenix Takes a Shot at Former Diva

Beth Phoenix has become one of my favorite people ever after she destroyed Joanie “Chyna” Laurer in a recent interview:

Nodq.com reports Beth Phoenix said;

“I am WWE’s Glamazon. Chyna was WWE’s Ninth Wonder of the World … mostly called so because people wondered whether she was a man or a woman. I often wonder this, myself.”

It would be funny to see how Chyna responds to these comments. She can’t knock Beth for being ugly because she’s not. She couldn’t threaten to beat her up, because Beth is a well conditioned athlete, and Chyna looks like something that shows up after you’ve been cursed by a haunted video tape. I hope this isn’t a worked attempt to bring Chyna back into the fold for a potential feud with Phoenix, because don’t think a Chyna/Beth Phoenix match would be profitable. Maybe they could put Chyna on the new WWE NXT and mix in some of those new sci-fi aspects to her character. That way, at least it would make sense when a cosmetically enhanced monster shows up on screen.

Howard Finkel Bashes Current WWE Ring Announcer

During a live chat prior Monday’s RAW, Howard Finkel criticized ECW ring announcer Savannah’s performance during the previous night’s Royal Rumble. He spent time ridiculing her for a couple of mistakes she made while announcing Ezekiel Jackson’s entrance.

Nodq.com reports that Finkel said;

“Did anyone catch Savannah’s two goofs last night announcing Ezekiel Jackson? Well, she did not announce Zeke as the challenger. Furthermore, she announced him as weighing 209 pounds.” Finkel continued, “Folks, I might be a little tough on the announcers, but let’s face it… You are on a WWE PPV, you DO NOT screw up.”

Wow, I didn’t realize the 59 year-old Finkel had the same ethics as a thirteen year-old girl with a twitter account. She’s pretty new Howard, can’t you cut her a little slack? This is a business where a bunch of men roll around a canvas in their underwear. If she can keep herself from laughing like a hyena over the utter ridiculousness that’s going on before her, I’d consider it a job well done.

That’s it for me this week. If you’d like to share your thoughts on today’s entry you can email me at johnsonator62@yahoo.com or look me up on facebook. I’m always open to constructive criticism, so don’t be afraid to tell me what you really think. I promise I won’t take it personal. Also, if you want to see some other articles I’ve written, check out my blog at http://thejohnsonation.blogspot.com/. It’s a comedy blog where I waste time making fun of several different topics, including country music, comic books, and Twilight. I usually update weekly, so if you want check it out and tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading, and see you next week.


Categories: Columns, General Wrestling
  1. JCITY617
    February 5, 2010 at 12:12 AM

    WHAT DOES EVRYBODY WANT……………..HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Andre
      February 5, 2010 at 2:17 AM

      What does everybody need?

  2. Ryan
    February 5, 2010 at 2:32 AM

    What does everybody love??????

    • Anonymous
      February 6, 2010 at 10:51 PM


  3. JCITY617
    February 5, 2010 at 4:11 AM


  4. Yaz
    February 5, 2010 at 8:18 AM

    I heart the Job Squad.

  5. Daniel
    February 5, 2010 at 8:52 AM

    Well, Savannah’s pretty new to the announcing bit, not so much to the business though. But Finkel is severely overreacting nonetheless.

  6. Aaron
    February 5, 2010 at 8:55 AM

    A nice article… and all response thus far? Al Snow references. (Thanks for posting Mick Foley). Al’s still over apprently.

    I’m thrilled at ECW finally closing it’s doors so to speak. You really have to seperate ECW history from the WWE’s version. I think for the 2006 PPV on, it’s been “WWECW” and I don’t respect any history it has made at all. It’s not ECW. I don’t think the show itself will change much (Other than moving Regal and Christian PLEASE) so it’s going to be better for what it is. No more acting like it’s a third major brand. This is the minor leagues, literally. Kudos to WWE for aknowledging it. However, big thumbs down to not aknowledging the guys who made ECW the real ECW. But I’d never expect Vince to aknowledge anyone elses hard work (Here Verne Gagne, you can be inducted into our BS hall of fame.)

    And also, I ten to agree with Finkel. Howard appears to be a prefectionist, and I LIKE that. Hey the chick is new, I’ll give you that, but she needs to perfect her craft. She’s paid to speak, nothing else. I’ll give her time though. I remember when Lilian Garcia first started. She flubbed a few intro’s herself her first few times out, and I turned out to really like her.

    Course, Fink is the greatest announcer of all time. I would get chills hearing “NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW” for any title change as a kid. I miss that.

  7. Jacob
    February 5, 2010 at 9:31 AM

    “Since Vince isn’t on board I doubt it will happen, but you know all it will take is someone to suggest a full hour of Hornswoggle yucking around with the guest hosts and Vince will get so excited he’ll cum in his pants.”

    Note to John: We get plenty of comments like this from you in every blog you make. It’s pretty much your M.O.. So, if you’re going to have guest columnists on your blog, I hope they at least have something new to bring to the table. I have no interest in reading a guest columnist’s writing if they pretty much have the exact same outlook on the wrestling business as you do.

    Let’s leave the Vince McMahon and Triple H bashing to you and you alone. You don’t want to put yourself out of work.

    • Aaron
      February 5, 2010 at 9:43 AM

      I think 80% of the wrestling internet community bash Vince and his avenger… John does it well, but it’s hard to find someone with a different view than that…

      I still like the article. Tackling some subject matter than John wouldn’t cover. No problems here.

      • Jacob
        February 5, 2010 at 3:02 PM

        Exactly. John does it well, we don’t need any more of it. Find someone from the 20% that has a different opinion and we’ll all be better off. Or just don’t touch the subject. It’s tired. It’s cliche. Much of it is based entirely on hearsay. It’s to the point now where it’s just pandering; you’re telling internet wrestling fans what they want to hear to endear yourself to them. I think it would be awesome to read a column that, for once, gave Triple H the benefit of the doubt, even if I didn’t agree with the columnist. At least it would be different.

        • Aaron
          February 5, 2010 at 3:41 PM

          We may need an 11 year old columnist, because I just don’t know of any qrestling fans older than that that respect the guy.

          I imagine it’s hard to book one’s self and not try to put yourself over, but I just feel it’s at the expense of so many others.. We know HHH has power, and we know we hate the product for so many reasons..

          Hey, I’m all for opposing views. I’ll read anything written well with some intelligence and reasoning to back it up.

          • Hystub
            February 5, 2010 at 6:23 PM

            19 years old. Big fan of Triple H. And I respect Vince McMahon a lot.
            Triple H may use his backstage power, nobody really knows for sure unless you’re in the business. I don’t really care if he does or not.
            Triple H is a great wrestler, a great talker, and if he’s got anything to do with some storylines we see on Raw, then he’s ok at that too.
            I don’t really like what’s been going on with Raw, but they’re still pulling in ratings and they’re appealing to kids, which is what they want to do.
            Lastly, Triple H loses a lot more than people give him credit for. I don’t even remember when Triple H held the world title last.

            • ROCK SHOCK
              February 5, 2010 at 6:32 PM

              At WrestleMania last year. Did you just start watching wrestling? I remember my first beer…

            • jay
              February 7, 2010 at 7:54 AM

              It sounds like someone lost his Glow Sticks.

          • Jacob
            February 5, 2010 at 11:18 PM

            “We may need an 11 year old columnist, because I just don’t know of any qrestling fans older than that that respect the guy.”

            Been a fan of wrestling for 16 years. I neither like nor dislike Triple H because I DON”T FUCKING KNOW HIM. I don’t know what he does backstage. And guess what? NEITHER DO YOU!? You just think you fucking do, dude. See, you’re the type of internet wrestling fan who actually believes the speculation of fucking bloggers and columnists. Here’s a fucking tip, John Canton doesn’t fucking work for the WWE. He’s just a fucking fan with an opinion.

            The reason most internet fans take, at face value, everything they hear about Triple H on sites such as this, is that most internet wrestling fans are fucking stupid.

            Maybe Triple H is a huge dickwad. Or maybe he’s actually good at his job and has certain ideas that work. The problem is, you have no way of knowing which ideas came from which person. You just fucking think you do. You have no fucking clue what is going on, you just think you do.

            Sorry for the rant, but I find it absolutely hilarious when internet wrestling fans actually think they know something.

            • ROCK SHOCK
              February 5, 2010 at 11:39 PM

              Haha dude you need to chill out.

            • February 6, 2010 at 10:32 AM

              I absolutely see your point. I’d like to think when I make HHH jokes that people know that I respect the hell out of the guy and I do it for a laugh. I feel like I should write a column on him because I get so many comments about him. He’s a very polarizing figure among internet fans. I have respect for the guy, but I will criticize him too just like I do everybody else.

              The thing is, he’s a celebrity. In the public eye. As a society, we do it with everybody. Think of people like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan or Tiger Woods getting ripped all the time. We don’t know them. We never will, but we do it because it’s funny. That’s part of being in the public eye. It’s wrong to say something like “I know HHH is a selfish jerk” because we don’t know that. We may think that, but it’s an opinion only.

              • Jacob
                February 6, 2010 at 7:07 PM

                I get that it’s a joke. You get that it’s a joke. But a lot of people think it’s fucking news (hence their idiocy). What I was trying to point out was illustrated precisely by the analogy you drew between Trips and Lindsay Lohan. The issue is that many fans don’t see the connection. They don’t see opinion columns as gossip, they see it as news.

                And my original point from the beginning is not that we shouldn’t criticize Triple H, just that it’s really unoriginal to do so at this point. I’m not criticizing you, John. I think your jokes on Triple H are funny most of the time. And your manner of joking is distinct and pleasurable to read. The problem I had with that part of the guest columnist’s writing is that it sounded almost exactly like you. It was a joke you would make. As a reader of your blog (a happy one at that), I am just voicing my desire to see more diversity in opinion between columnists.

                In any case, thanks for taking the time to respond to my rant. I meant no disrespect by it of any kind.

                • Sargon
                  February 25, 2010 at 2:07 PM

                  I think Trips has done well recently. I really don’t think (at least at this point) having the strap around his waist is at the top of the totem pole of goals. All that means is another day or two of work a week and having to do all the house shows. Why bother? Unlike, say, Hogan, I think he’s realized he’s one of the top dogs and you don’t need a strap around his waist to prove it.

  8. kris Karcher
    February 5, 2010 at 10:13 AM

    hahah i already follow you johnson. so this is great now i don’t even have to leave johns page ever…. hey john can you add an emial feature… then ill really never have to leave.. haha.

  9. Evan
    February 5, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    good stuff man, glad to read it!

    I am for the RAW being 3 hours. With ECW shutting down, most of the talent will be spread around to the big 2 shows and at least we might see an extra match or two with the likes of Archer, Tatsu, Christian or someone else.

  10. Derek
    February 5, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    Hi John, first time commenter, long time reader. Just wanted to say good job on selecting your guest columnist. If all the other writers are this good the site is going to blow up. Just a quick suggestion for Andrew; maybe you can have other articles aside from just reviews throughout the week? I checked out your blog and that Twilight comic was great. Any chance you can do something like that only wrestling related here?

  11. Chris Greene
    February 5, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    I enjoyed this a great deal. “It’s going to be a train wreck. A beautiful, exciting, and entertaining train wreck.” I lulzed~! or whatever the kids are saying these days.

  12. CJ H
    February 6, 2010 at 1:09 PM

    I personally don’t think that Raw should move to 3 hours. That’s how long PPVs are and they should keep it that way. Two two hour shows and one one hour show is enough (I don’t watch Superstars).

    Obviously the ECW switch is long overdue but please don’t go crazy with the characters for WWE NXT. Just b/c it’s on SyFy doesn’t mean you need aliens, ghosts, crazies, etc. They made that mistake once, don’t do it again. If SyFy is pushing it then go to another network, there are plenty that would broadcast wrestling.

    • Oxide
      February 6, 2010 at 3:02 PM

      Well, leave out the commercials and 3 hour Raw would be shorter than a PPV; plus, PPVs are commercial free, so there’s another difference.
      Anyways, I agree that Raw should not move to 3 hours. I mean, what will they do if they want to have a special? 4 HOUR RAW?!

      • rob
        February 7, 2010 at 12:34 PM

        Here’s what I usually do during the current “special” 3Hour Raws.


  13. Sargon
    February 25, 2010 at 2:04 PM

    “The film features a number of wrestlers, including Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Sabu, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, Al Snow and Shane Douglas.”

    Let’s play the “Who is still employed in the industry?” game.

    3 hour RAW? Best o’ luck with that one. Even in NITRO’s prime I felt like the audience was always dead that last hour. Overexposure. I know they have matches going on before RAW, but that’s my ‘show up late and buy a beer’ time. It’s like the ‘warm up’ band.

    Beth Phoenix is the most enjoyable to watch work, out of the women, for me. Her power and athleticism tend to grant her spots/opportunities the others can’t create.

    As for the Fink, I think he’s spot on. He wouldn’t have posted critique of a co-worker unless those grumblings had been going on in the back for awhile. And if she’s the same girl doing NXT she’s frigging terrible. I mean terrible. Poor voice inflection, etc. Not a hard job, hell, you could pull a fat drunk from the front row to do it most nights. And while on the subject, does anyone else get depressed with Lillian Garcia? Either ask for your job back or put your stuff in the drawers – quit trying to make money off of the industry you left!

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