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The John Report: Talking Smack for 02/05/10 (Elim. Chamber Qualifying)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 02/05/10 (Elim. Chamber Qualifying)
Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. This is going up Friday night after the show because it’s a rare Friday night where I’m staying in. I have a wedding to attend tomorrow where I’m an usher, so I stayed on my best behavior this evening. Usually this is a Saturday morning/after column. Not this week.

I need to make a plug first. I’ve discovered something via a friend of mine (hello Laura!) called Formspring that allows people to send in questions on anything they want. I opened it up to my friends on Facebook and Twitter earlier in the week. I’ve since answered over 200 questions in the past four days. To view the first batch of answers to the first 100+ questions you can click right here to read “Your Questions, My Answers – Volume I” exclusively on The John Report blog. I’ll be posting answers exclusively on my blog on a regular basis. It will probably be once a week, but for this first week of doing it I’ll extend it to twice in the week with a second post on Sunday before the Super Bowl when I’m waiting for the game to start. To ask me your questions you can go to http://www.formspring.me/johnreport and fill them out in that little box there. I’d love some non-wrestling questions. Ask me anything you want because I’m not picky. If it’s too stupid or too personal I’ll delete it, but I’ve answered 98% of the questions including ranging from Family Guy or South Park, my favorite season of 24, the worst gimmick in wrestling history and the very difficult Mickie or Trish question. That was not easy! It’s a lot of fun for me to do and it helped me kill time at work too. I think it’s a cool read. Plus you can do it anonymously so be as stupid as you want. I have no way of knowing. (If you want to see what I’ve answered, just follow that link and click on the “more” button at the bottom of the page to see the archives of answers.)

Now let’s get to Smackdown.


Taped from Memphis, TN let’s talk some smack…

We start with a Chris Jericho in ring promo. 10 out of 10 already. “While Edge has been recovering from an injury for 7 months, I have carried this company.” True. This promo was great in usual Jericho fashion. He wants repercussions against Edge for sneaking into the Rumble and winning. He said something about how he had meticulous planned to win the Rumble, spending his entire year working to winning that one match and Edge took it away. It’s delivered so greatly that you want to believe it to be true. That’s what makes a great heel. They have to make the viewer believe that they believe they’re speaking the truth. Does that make sense? I hope so. He walked backstage looking for Teddy Long to get him to remove him from the qualifying tourney thing they got going. Hey, the Hart Dynasty! Oh wait, they’re just standing backstage. Use them! When he got backstage to where he thought it was Teddy Long, it was actually Edge. They talked some smack (hey!) back and forth, then Edge plugged his Cutting Edge segment for later in the night where he’ll call out the Undertaker…his possible WM26 opponent. Jericho was pissed off and walked away. I liked this. I like anything my fellow Canadians do together. They rule.

I like the Elimination Chamber video package. Really puts over the brutality of the match. I still remember RVD crushing HHH’s throat in 2002 when he jumped off one of the pod’s and nailed HHH by accident. Does this mean we have to forget in October when they told us Hell in a Cell is the most brutal match? I guess so.

John Morrison d. Kane & Drew McIntyre to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match (**1/4)
They got about eight minutes and they used it wisely. It was very solid. Can’t remember liking too many Kane matches of late, but this was fun. Of course that was mostly in part because the Morrison/McIntyre feud has been so good. They did the typical triple threat spots with high spot, pin, save over and over. It worked well, though. McIntyre attacked Kane with a belt shot to the gut (no DQ in triple threats), then hit the Future Shock DDT only for Morrison to knee him in the head and pin Kane himself after Starship Pain. The question is, if it’s no DQ why not just grab a chair and blast the guys with it? That’s what bugs me about when they say no DQ. Try to make a story out of it. That’s all. Good match, though. It’s nice to see Morrison getting the win while moving onto the World Title match that he has no chance of winning. He gets to play the “young, talented guy gets to carry the first half of the match” role.

Main event is Edge talking to Undertaker in the Cutting Edge segment as WWE remembers they do talk shows once in a while.

R-Truth d. Mike Knox to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match (SQUASH)
Knox hit his flying crossbody that I love. Then he lost about a minute later to a flying forearm. Good for R-Truth. He’s been getting a decent push of late. Will he win the title? Of course not. Nice to see hard work paying off, though.

They showed “exclusive footage” of the post match Raw beatdown where Batista gave Cena the Batista Bomb onto the ring steps in the center of the ring. I’m sure we’ll see the video again on Raw if you missed it. If you didn’t know, they’re going with Cena vs. Batista at Mania although it could be with Hart & McMahon involved as partners, or maybe just standing at ringside.

Backstage, Punk got Serena and Gallows to admit that without him they wouldn’t be what they are today. They said they’d do anything to help Punk. I’m finding Serena to be pretty hot. She’s got a nice body, but I like the outfits. I might even like the hair. I don’t know. I like her.

CM Punk d. Batista via count out to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match (NR)
Did you see the looks Batista was giving Serena? And you think what I say about him are jokes? They are truths, people. And good for him! Anyway, Batista walked out and lost the match via countout. I’m assuming the story is that Vince is paying him money to take care of Bret, but with Cena in the way that leads to their match. I don’t know, though. Something like that. I’d expect to see Batista on Raw this Monday. This was their way of writing him out of the title picture now. By the way, the over the top celebration by Punk & the Straight Edge Society was pretty great. They rule. Tag champs on Monday.

Backstage, Matt Hardy wished Maria lucked on Celebrity Apprentice and she wished him luck for his match. Hey, at least she got more air time then she wished Mysterio luck a few weeks ago. She “earned” Diva of the Year, remember? Doing what exactly? I still don’t know and I like her!

Chris Jericho d. Matt Hardy to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match (***)
Cue the cab jokes! I liked how the announcers really tried hard to put Hardy over here even though he’s lost way more matches than he’s won over the past six months. They mentioned how extreme his offense is, yet in PG WWE he doesn’t even go to the top rope. That middle rope legdrop’s extreme, I guess. I’m not knocking him. It’s the commentary. The guy wrestles way more conservative than ever before yet they’re trying to tell us he’s extreme? Doesn’t really work. As is the case in every Jericho match, Chris does a great job of making the other guy look good. You think that Hardy might win even though you know he won’t. They did a great job of counter wrestling as well as garnering nearfalls. I really liked Matt’s counter from the Walls to the pin attempt. The finish came when Hardy went for the Twist of Fate, Jericho grabbed the ropes and then won with the Codebreaker in devastating fashion. This was a fast paced, hard working 9 minute TV match that featured one “ASK HIM~!” spot and delivered the goods.

My girl Mickie James-Canton came out in her cowgirl attire that I’m growing very fond of. She cut a promo with the Women’s Title saying that being real and true to yourself is what matters most. She was about to issue some kind of open challenge, so out came Beth Phoenix. She said she made history by being in the Rumble match with 29 men and that she could take Mickie’s belt anytime she wanted. EXCUSE ME? Out came Vickie Guerrero to say there’s no match between them. Instead it’s going to be #1 contender Michelle McCool & Layla the jobber against Beth & Mickie right now.

Mickie James & Beth Phoenix d. Michelle McCool & Layla (1/2*)
The heels have this jumpsuit outfit that says “Simply Flawless.” Layla’s flawless except when she wrestles because she loses every match. One of these weeks they’re going to give these girls a match longer than five minutes, right? They got maybe 3 minutes here. Beth dominated, then tagged in Mickie and then decked her with a KTFO~! punch. She then KO’d Michelle. She tagged in Layla, who proceeded to lose to Mickie via a cradle. The two segments were fine.

Hey, it’s Cryme Tyme. Remember them? They did a Word Up segment with the word being “King” and in comes Jerry Lawler to show them around Memphis. That’s nice.

Rey Mysterio d. Dolph Ziggler to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match (**3/4)
Where is William Shatner to sing Mysterio’s theme song? Maybe for WrestleMania. They had a lot of good matches over the summer. This one was okay, but not as good as some of those ones that I remember. Ziggler’s offense needs to be better although I like him. It seems too spotty to me, though. Maybe I’m being picky. The match ended with Mysterio scoring the pin after a countering a backbreaker. Cool finish because it wasn’t with the 619. Of course, he did that post match so the crowd could get their fix.

The six men in Smackdown’s Elimination Chamber match are The Undertaker defending against Jericho, Morrison, Mysterio, Punk and R-Truth. I think Jericho’s going to emerge as champion. It’s either him or Undertaker.

To wrap up the show, it was the Cutting Edge segment with Edge in ring. It’s such a special segment that he gets his own grey carpeting. Big budget! Edge said it was great to be back on Smackdown and great to be back home…in a WWE ring. He said he could face Undertaker or Sheamus and then they showed a clip of what happened when he speared Sheamus. Cue Jericho. He said Edge didn’t deserve the win to which Edge fired back by saying Jericho didn’t deserve it because Edge threw him out. Edge said he was tired of Jericho saying he was the best in the world and that he was tired of Jericho’s face. That’s called Rated R talking PG. CM Punk came out with the SES. (Did You Know? When Jericho and Hurricane were in the drunk tank they were bailed out by Christian and CM Punk? He should have referenced that in the promo.) He mentioned that he was the only one to make Undertaker tap out…even though it was a screwjob on the PPV that nobody watched (one of the lowest buyrates ever). He said he’ll win in the Chamber because he’s better than them (and us). Out go the lights. When they come back, Undertaker’s in the ring. Edge & Taker clean house of the bad guys and when Undertaker turns around Edge smiles because he could have hit the spear on him. Tough night for the Undertaker. One minute of work. And people think this man will retire? Never! I wouldn’t.

Solid ending to the show. I can definitely see Undertaker & Edge vs. Jericho & Punk happening next week. Or they could do Punk & Jericho vs. Morrison & Mysterio. Actually, I’d love that. Give it 20 minutes. Either way, I smell a tag next week.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Chris Jericho – Great match, plus awesome promos. He’s always the best, but this was one of his better performances.
2. CM Punk – Much like Jericho. Seems “on” all the time.
3. Rey Mysterio – Does he ever have bad matches? No.

8 out of 10
Last week: 8

Yeah, same as last week. It was hard for me to differentiate between the two. I liked last week’s a bit more because the main event of Mysterio vs. Michaels was so great, but top to bottom this show was very strong too. No weak segments, plus three really solid TV matches that were given time. The ladies did their usual good job while the Edge/Jericho feud is off on the right foot. I can’t wait for that to really pick up over the next two months.

Like I wrote on Tuesday, WWE is on a great roll. Last week’s Smackdown was excellent, the Royal Rumble was very good, Raw was the best show they’ve had since last summer and this week’s Smackdown delivered again. The booking is focused going into WrestleMania moreso than at any other time and it showed. They know where they’re headed. Let’s hope it continues on Monday.

I’m enjoying being a WWE fan right now. Are you?


Here are the reader comments from my Facebook page. It’s like Commentfest-lite. There are less than 100 comments because I’m posting it much earlier than usual. Still, we got a decent sample. The readers will be in blue while my comments will follow in the brackets in regular black font.

Welcome to the Smackdown Commentfest, where midgets are not classed as entertainment. (Used to be, though.)


Smackdown: Where actual wrestling happens. (You mean sports entertaining.)

Did you know? Y2J doesn’t qualify for anything. Anything though does indeed need to qualify for Y2J. (Good to know.)

I’m giving this one to Kane. Let Morrison/McIntyre have another IC title match. (Wrong. Glad you’re wrong too.)

It would have elevated Morrison better if he beat McIntyre 1 on 1 instead of a triple threat… even beating Kane 1 on 1 would have been better. Kinda makes it look like he snuck in by taking advantage of McIntyre’s finisher.

If punk kisses serena again i riot… okay maybe i won’t but still.

Serena is so hot with her new haircut!!!!!

What’s the point of bring sheers if Batista has no hair? SE fucked up this time.

Batista should be part of the S.E.S. he just need his head- oh, he’s already bald. Well, looks like it’s more steroids and divas for him then. (Batista on the juice? Never!)

CM Punk doing his best Jack Swagger impression. 8/10 (At least he didn’t do the airplane spin thing. You’re safe, Jack!)

Matt Striker is the only reason I have slight hope that Matt might win. Future hall of famer Matt…Striker.

Blood at 9:01 EST! Bad Matt Hardy, Bad!

Mickie James Canton FTW!!

Mickie James-Canton is the new champ!!!!!!!! (I had no idea.)

New 5 time Women’s Champion Mickie James-Canton sighting at 8:07CST.

Hey John, I think Mickie was going to dedicate her speech to you. (She should have.)

Michelle McTaker held the title for 7 months…. she defended it 3 times? maybe 4? What happened to the mandatory 30 day title defense stipulation? Sorry there i go thinking again. (Thanks for apologizing.)

Having only just notice how hot Layla is when she isn’t “wrestling” (if it can be called that) I call dibs. (Go for it!)

Does anyone else have problems taking R-Truth seriously? Even with a win over Jericho and a feud with Punk? (What’s up?)

Did Stryker just reference Memphis Bleek. Even JayZ looked confused at that one.

Rey vs Ziggles? This is a tough call…

I love Rey Mysterio, but after that powerslam Dolph hit him with, a bit of me actually wanted him to win, it was a genuinely excellent counter, and he should be recognised for his hard work and timing. (That’s what Rey does. His counter wrestling is as good as anybody in the business. Love that guy.)

I’m gonna go on a limb and assume a tag match with Punk & Jericho vs Edge and ‘Taker…”how will both teams manage to co-exist?” -Matt Striker (I think the same, but I’d rather see Punk & Jericho vs. Rey & Morrison. That would be epic.)

Thanks guys. More next week, I promise.


A reminder again that you can ask me anything you want at http://www.formspring.me/johnreport and I promise a reply within a day or two. As soon as I post this, I’ll be answering another 30 questions to eclipse the 250 question mark in less than a week. It’s a lot of fun. The questions keep me on my toes. Don’t be shy, ask away! Keep checking out the blog at johnreport.wordpress.com because I’ll be posting the next batch of Q&A on Sunday at some point. I also posted a Super Bowl 44 preview that you can read HERE. If you’re looking for a quick version of a pick, I say Colts 34-24 because I believe the Saints will find it too difficult to really slow down the great Peyton Manning. Looking forward to it.

You can get in touch with me via any of the methods below. I might be back with a Monday column. Not sure yet. If not, you can look forward to Tuesday’s edition of The Raw Deal. Thanks for reading.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com
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Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.

  1. Oxide
    February 6, 2010 at 1:37 AM

    Cryme Tyme said Jerry Lawler is the only king in the WWE, so I guess that means William Regal’s King of the Ring win back in 2008 doesn’t mean shit.

    Anyways, yeah, I too am enjoying being a WWE fan right now. Being a TNA fan on the other hand feels pretty bad right now, but that’s just me.

    • Aaron
      February 8, 2010 at 9:27 AM

      I don’t think we call HHH “King” Hunter becuase he won in 1997.. or King Edge becuase of his 2001 win. You get a run as King for a year or less, then move on to the next guy’s push (or these days, lack there of).

      I really wish they’d bring it back as a standard three round tourney all on PPV. Bret’s win is still one of my favorite ppv’s ever, and I’m nto a huge Bret fan.

      • Oxide
        February 11, 2010 at 9:09 PM

        King Hunter would go well with his whole Connecticut Blue Blood though (or maybe it did? I don’t know).

        Remember when Booker T called himself “King Booookaaahhh”? I guess he was the only one, although I wouldn’t know.
        I loved it when Booker was KotR; but that’s because I’m a Booker mark (not reall, but sort of). XP

        Edge once called himself “King Edge the Awesome”. Wouldn’t it be great if The Miz called himself that? XD

  2. Tim Kelly
    February 6, 2010 at 1:51 AM

    I’m glad I was wrong too about Kane winning.

  3. Lou
    February 6, 2010 at 2:55 AM

    sweet! I was the one that asked you what you thought the worst gimmick in wrestling history was so I guess that kind of counts as a shout out. So thanks for the shout out in Talking Smack John!

    Seriously though, I missed SD this week so thanks for the recap, the grey carpeting line made me laugh pretty hard. I’ll probably still watch it somehow since it’s so much better then RAW, and I really want to see the looks Batista was giving Serena. He’s my favorite hip grandpa.

    Enjoy the wedding, since you’re an usher I hope your handing out GLOWSTICKS!!! ARE YOU READY FOR THE BRIIIIIDE!

  4. Paul Lenkic
    February 6, 2010 at 7:23 AM

    Striker been calling Knox’s crossbody the “Flying Bear” for a couple of weeks now, but I’ve been calling it “The Flying Bastard” for ages! It’s a lot of fun to say when he hits it, too! ;)

  5. Beau Lukies
    February 6, 2010 at 7:42 AM

    first comment fest ive participated in. and i got 2 comments in! thanks john :)

  6. Stuart Edge
    February 6, 2010 at 8:27 AM

    I think you’re gonna see Morrison vs Rey at some point, or how about a triple threat with R-Truth involved? I think there’s no way way WWE passes up Jericho/Punk vs Edge/’Taker based on this weeks ending. This way all they guys in the Elimination Chamber are involved in TV matches against each other leading into the PPV, and you can further the Jericho/Edge storyline at the same time…just my thoughts, what do you think?

  7. Lacie
    February 6, 2010 at 10:37 AM

    I think the highlight of the Cryme Tyme promo was that they, along with King, were going to go see some “puppies.” Ah, nostalgia.

  8. Tyson
    February 6, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    Either Jericho/Punk vs. Morrison/Rey or vs. Edge/Taker would both yield spectacular results. I think it would be smarter to go the Morrison/Rey route because, if you saw the Rumble, Taker was moving quite gingerly and I think they need to save him for the PPV. Add to this the fact that Edge is returning early from an injury and his first televised match back should be promoted by WWE at least a week in advance. So, count me among those hoping to see Punk/Jericho vs. Morrison/Mysterio next week (or the week after).

  9. James
    February 6, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    I’m looking forward to the Rey Mysterio vs C.M. Punk match at Wrestlemania (if they do it). I don’t however want it to be a mask vs hair match. I’m sure they won’t have Rey loose his mask, and I don’t think Punk should loose his hair. I love this “savior” angle that they are doing and think it would hurt Punks look if he was bald. I actually think they should do Punk vs Morrison and use Joey Mercury (since he is coming back) to build this feud. What do you think?

  10. Mr.ken
    February 6, 2010 at 1:11 PM

    ah batista. He needs to up the heel a little bit more for it to be great. Its awesome now but he looked directly into the cam on his way to the ring. A simple GET OUTTA MY FACE! Would of been sweet. I laughed when i saw cm punk run around like jack swagger. Laughed even harder when i read the comment. God serina is now my love. Melina..im sorry. You abandoned me ‘YOUR SUPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND!!!’ i wish they would still play that clip of batista. Well atleast the matches didnt have too obvious of an outcome. Swagger vs hhh cena vs…well i forgot.

  11. CJ H
    February 6, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    I agree, having Punk vs. Mysterio would be great, but having it mask vs. hair would kill it for me. Next week, just let Undertaker undertake a week off. He needs the rest and there’s enough stars to carry the show.

  12. rob
    February 6, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    I seriously need to start finding time to watch SMACKDOWN more regularily. I watch RAW, and NOT SD!
    What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!

  13. jay
    February 7, 2010 at 7:46 AM

    I would do a dance of joy if Mickie James asked Michelle McTaker what it was like to sleep with dead people.

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