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GC: Sports Entertainment Weekly: The Six Types of Wrestling Fans

Sports Entertainment Weekly: The Six Types of Wrestling Fans

By Andrew Johnson

Professional wrestling fans have always gotten a bad rap. They are usually stereotyped as white trash inbreeding hicks whose only joys are NASCAR, and watching grown men beat each other up in their underwear. The truth is that there are many different kinds of wrestling fans in the world. Here are six types of fans that are worse than the redneck stereotype. Much worse.


6) The Casual Fan

The Casual Fan is someone who became a fan of wrestling during one of the boom periods (Hulkamania, Attitude Era) and draws most of his wrestling knowledge from this chosen time frame. The Casual Fan loved wrestling when it was popular, but once the buzz started to die down so did his interest. Casual Fans are not focused enough to follow character evolution and the pacing of a technical match. They are more interested in dangerous spots, five-minute pose downs, and diva matches.

What are the symptoms?

The Casual Fan is someone who finds it strange that Austin, Hogan, and the Rock are no longer in the WWE, and will be generally ignorant to the current roster. He will often refer to the “Hell in a Cell” at the 1998 King of the Ring as the greatest match ever, and will consistently refer to the Big Show as the Giant. Casual Fans are considered a nuisance due to their complete lack of respect for the art of wrestling, making them slightly lower than a gerbil on the list of preferred company during a wrestling event. Also, their general lack of knowledge causes them to constantly ask questions during an event, which brings about frustration and ridicule from normal fans.

Is there a cure?

Unfortunately there is no real cure for the Casual Fan. The good thing is that their attention spans are short. They will eventually tire of screaming “Suck It” at their televisions, and will fade back to wrestling ignorance until the next Hulkamania tour or DX reunion.

5) The Historian

The Historian is the self-appointed keeper of wrestling continuity. He can remember the card of every pay-per-view, the lineage of every title, and the alliances/feuds of every wrestler in chronological order. The Historian has no real interest in what goes on behind the scenes, but merely what happens in the ring. Historians tend to travel in packs, and will regale each other with the same stories over and over again, until an argument breaks out over the actual number of Ric Flair’s world title reigns.

What are the symptoms?

The Historian is a chronic note keeper and organizer. Whether he keeps the list on a spiral notebook, flash drive, or even in his own head, the Historian will use his notes to check all other media for discrepancies. The Historian is easily agitated by continuity errors, and will usually lash out if the mistake is not corrected. Historians are very unlikely to have friends who are not wrestling fans, and will consider all other activities such as going outside and dating as a waste of their time.

Other symptoms include obesity, poor hygiene, and a lack of social skills. Most often these symptoms keep historians from maintaining any and all relationships that don’t require a credit card.

Is there a cure?

Most historians are males, so all it takes to shut their cheeto holes is a well placed female. Historians fear women like Vince McMahon fears Chris Benoit references or steroid trials. Because they have very little interaction with them, most Historians will be more concentrated on staring at her boobs than discussing the history of the Cruiserweight title.

4) The Closet Fan

The Closet Fan is someone who has felt the sting of shame due to their love of professional wrestling. Fandom goes in cycles; excitement, disappointment, embarrassment, and finally validation before the cycles start over. The Closet Fan is perpetually stuck in the embarrassment cycle, and has yet to find a way to break free. The Closet Fan is aware of the stigma that surrounds professional wrestling, and is afraid that he will be stereotyped and ultimately ostracized by his peers. The Closet Fan is a self-loathing creature that is constantly seeking approval, keeping him from fully enjoying anything.

What are the symptoms?

Closet Fans have become exceptional hiders or their love of wrestling, so identifying one is no easy feat. Many Closet Fans choose not to own any wrestling merchandise, such as t-shirts and magazines, for fear of someone finding them. However, even the closet fan is unable to resist the urge to purchase DVD’s of their favorite pay-per-views, but will they will strategically replace the case covers with something less conspicuous. Many cover options include work-out videos, undesirable bargain-bin movies, and pornography. Never doubt a Closet Fan’s dedication to keeping his secret. He would rather you assume he is a giant pervert with a massive porn collection than have you gaze upon his “Best of Mick Foley” DVD.

Is there a cure?

The only known cure for the Closet Fan is by outing him, or convincing him to come out on his own. This is no easy feat, but it can be done with consistent prodding. Intentionally making incorrect wrestling references, like calling Steve Austin’s finisher the “Stone Cold Masher” or saying Buff Bagwell was in the original Four Horsemen will cause the Closet Fan’s circuits to overload. Eventually he will out himself as a closet fan out of overwhelming frustration. If that doesn’t work then take him to a hospital, because he’s likely to have an aneurism due to the stress you put on his brain by referring to the Ultimate Warrior as “the best technical wrestler of all time.”

3) The Entitled Fan

The Entitled Fan is a creature that feels professional wrestling owes him for his years of dedicated fandom. Entitled Fans have a desire to be acknowledged for their years of loyalty, and usually react with hostility when wrestling is portrayed in a negative light. Despite their lack of experience and knowledge on the business, Entitled Fans believe that they know what is best for the industry as a whole, and feel genuine anger when their opinion is rejected.

What are the symptoms?

The Entitled Fan has a hard time keeping his emotions in check. His entire world is centered on things going the way he thinks they should. If he doesn’t get his way this dissatisfaction could lead to temper tantrums even five-year-olds find immature. Since the Entitled Fan is such a bi-polar mess, it is hard for him to find anyone to stomach his presence long enough to get his frustrations out. This has lead to the Entitled Fan’s obsession with recording long-winded rants and posting them online. You Tube is a gold mine of Entitled Fans that let out their frustrations in unintentionally hilarious video outbursts.

Notice how the Entitled Fan uses his body language to convey his anger. Entitled Fans are notorious for excessively using the words “fuck” and “asshole.” They also have a tendency to randomly throw middle fingers at the camera while screaming nonsensical threats to wrestlers and management alike. Many studies believe that the Entitled Fan’s middle fingers are naturally extended when a fist is made, but not enough evidence has been gathered because no one really cares.

Is there a cure?

There are a few ways to get rid of an Entitled Fan. The most common and effective way is to continually mock his favorite wrestlers and opinions, call attention to his childish behavior, and enlist others to rally behind his expulsion.  Eventually he’ll leave out of sheer frustration, only to go home and make a video for his followers on You Tube to mock. The other way is to agree with his delusional sense of entitlement, lure him into a false sense of security, and then hit him in the head with a hammer. This option is universally considered more fun, and will give you a measure of satisfaction to go along with your momentary peace.

2) The “Smark” aka The Know-It-All Fan

“Smark” is a term created by the internet community to describe a fan that enjoys pro wrestling despite or because he knows that it is staged. They are perpetual know-it-alls who believe they are better than most wrestling fans due to a false sense of superiority they gain from the “knowledge” they gain from wrestling gossip websites. Their inflated egos make them pariahs in the wrestling community, and are usually treated with hostility when identified. A “Smark” cannot fathom anything that is considered fun, so he will degrade and ridicule anything that others are trying to enjoy by subtlety dishing out demeaning comments and useless “facts” until everyone is as miserable as him.

What are the symptoms?

“Smarks” are similar to Entitled Fans, in which they think they know what is best for the business and want to be acknowledged for their understanding of the industries ins-and-outs. Where they differ is that “Smarks” not only keep their emotions in check, but can effectively use your emotions against you. “Smarks” are word spinners and shit stirrers, and can manipulate a conversation without anyone realizing it. “Smarks” are intelligent masters of manipulation, and can be extremely dangerous to anyone who is unaware of their power.

The best way to out a “Smark” is to praise John Cena or Triple H in their presence. “Smarks” are notorious haters of anything popular, and will never turn down a chance to bash what they consider to be the two most despicable men in the industry. While this is the easiest way to identify a “Smark,” it is also the most dangerous. Once you get a “Smark” going about Triple H’s backstage pull or Cena’s lack of wrestling ability, you will be caught in a whirlwind of pretentiousness and elitism that very few can survive.

Is there a cure?

There is no cure for “Smarks.” Much like the common zombie, you can either join them or kill them. While we here at the John Report do not endorse killing in any way, we would like to point out that if you choose the latter, you might want to have a shovel, some lime, and a gallon of bleach handy.

1) The “Mark” aka The Crazy Fan

The “Mark” is the worst kind of wrestling fan. The term mark has a duel usage in the wrestling community. It can refer to a fan who believes that the characters and events of some or all of professional wrestling are real, or to a fan who idolizes a particular wrestler, promotion, or style of wrestling to a point some might consider excessive. Either way, a “Mark” is someone that must be avoided at all costs, for their idiocy knows no bounds.

What are the symptoms?

“Marks” are easily identifiable by their over-eager displays of fandom. “Marks” are  a parent’s worst fears come true: wrestling finally making their child go crazy. The key to balancing a normal life with wrestling fandom is shame, and “Marks” feel none. A “Mark” will dress up as the Undertaker to go to a funeral because they simply don’t give a shit. A “Mark” will shout at the TV and will be entirely convinced that his words have an effect on the program.

“Marks” are dangerous creatures, because they are borderline retarded. Here we have a guy who is not only a “Mark,” but he is proud of it.


I stated that there are two definitions of a “Mark,” but what worries me is I can’t really figure out which one this guy is. He’s obviously disturbed, but I’m not entirely convinced he’s as retarded as he appears. Regardless, his behavior is a perfect example of a “Mark”; loud, violent, and dumb.

Is there a cure?

The only cure for a “Mark” is another “Mark” of equal insanity. It will go on for months and will cost hundreds of lives, but eventually they will destroy each other in an the same kind of apocalyptic nightmare that destroyed the dinosaurs.

Andrew is a freelance writer and comedy blogger. He hopes to one day be funny. When not contributing to the John Report he writes movie reviews at The Charleston Examiner, and a variety of other articles at his blog, thejohnsonation.blogspot.com. To contact Andrew, email him at johnsonator62@yahoo.com or follow him on Facebook.

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Categories: Columns, General Wrestling
  1. redman
    February 11, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    nice… More please…

  2. James
    February 11, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    I swear that Mark was drunk.

  3. Sam
    February 11, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    im not sure what to think about this…

  4. H
    February 11, 2010 at 12:41 PM

    What category does the author fall under? I’d say i’m an entitled fan myself!

    • February 11, 2010 at 1:34 PM

      I’m another type of fan entirely…it’s known as “normal.”

      • JCITY617
        February 12, 2010 at 9:04 AM

        95% OF THIS BLOG READERSHIP FALL INTO THE SMARK AND ENTITLED CATAGORY

  5. A Double
    February 11, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    Nice read. lol, I think I’ve watched wrestling with some of these types of fans. Scary. And nice video examples too. Jeez, I never realized there were people out there like THAT!

  6. Dave in Providence
    February 11, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    What about the 7th fan….We should call them the”I know it’s fake,I have a beautiful wife and a real job I do follow the backstage shit and enjoy it and I do feel entitled after dropping say 50 bucks on a PPV for them to atleast put a good show on,I don’t watch but maybe once every 2 or 3 mths and I order at most 2 ppv’s a year but I follow on the interweb so I know the current goings on but you could’nt pay me to watch it weekly and I sure as hell am not dropping loot for a PPV every month I do feel it was better before and todays sucks with the lucky if we get a 4 min. match.I publicly laugh at people over 25 wearing a wwe product out in public yet feel it’s ok to wear my RedSox gear freely cuz it’s a real sport and wrestling is not even though I know deep inside being a wrestler is one of the hardest jobs to have and loneliest lifestyles, I feel compelled to stand up for wrestling in public aslong as it is too not defend a Mark cuz they are just morons,I do have mark out moments when something is that good or important to wrestling and hate people who hate heels but as soon as they turn face they love them I think these people should be locked in a room and forced to hit them selves repeatedly for eternity”….yup that’s the 7th fan I think I fit in that catagory,We’ll shorten it to the “I’m a jerk but atleast I know it” wrestling fan

    • February 11, 2010 at 1:33 PM

      I was going to, but the title was too long.

    • Jacob
      February 11, 2010 at 4:26 PM

      shut up!

    • Joseph
      February 13, 2010 at 9:38 AM

      I think you’re a closet fan

  7. Ivan Isaza
    February 11, 2010 at 1:33 PM

    That kid in the Entitled Fan video… WOW! The best day of my life was when my daughter was born and before that? When I lost my virginity.

    Amazing! Good read, though. Keep it up.

  8. Rated R
    February 11, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    Wow. Best column I’ve read in a while. I laughed so much and I loved how you exaggerated at times. Really loved read this and I’m definitely a smark. I’ve limits though. I’m not that mrs-know-it-all.

    Oh and I’ve seen the videos from the mark guy hating on CM Punk. Not is he annoying, but also fucking ugly.

    These guest columns are really great btw, keep it up!

  9. jcmoney311
    February 11, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    I’m a mark, and I’m AWWWWEEEESSSSOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!

  10. jcmoney311
    February 11, 2010 at 2:02 PM

    just to clear it up, im not mark.

    i fall under a combination of the smark and closet fan

  11. jay
    February 11, 2010 at 2:14 PM

    For me, I identify most with number 7. I have some of the negative qualities of other types, along with few of their positives.

    There are some people who are satisfied with life and still love wrestling. You don’t need to wear it on your sleave or tune in all of the time. But you enjoy it for the soap opera that it is. You love the athletic performance, the drama of a story well told, and the genuine moments when you feel like a mark. You enjoy talking about it with people who know what they are talking about.

    Wrestling fans do fall into a lot of the catagories discussed. But I do think there are lots of people out there who fall into several categories.

    Also, all of your catagories are largely negative. Most fans I run into are pretty normal people. Why do all of your categories have to put down other fans? According to this article, there are no wrestling fans that are ordinary people. There must be someone who enjoys wrestling who is normal and not anti-social.

    Good food for thought.

    • RKO
      February 11, 2010 at 2:45 PM

      You obviously have no idea what comedy writing is. He was making jokes, and funny ones at that. You take things too seriously.

      • jay
        February 11, 2010 at 2:52 PM

        You are probably right.

        I guess I never will see anything validating time spent watching wrestling. At least seeing a person getting hit with a chair is more entertaining than an art openning or the ballet.

  12. Berniedaman
    February 11, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    Great mate, very funny blog. But is there a category where normal fans can be in, without being labelled as crazy, or (in the case of “smarks”) self-centred/arrogant :P

    • February 11, 2010 at 7:31 PM

      This doesn’t apply to all fans. I mentioned these ones because they were funny to write about.

  13. Kingjobber
    February 11, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    The Ultimate Warrior as best technical wrestler bit generally made me laugh out loud. Love that

  14. Darth Randall
    February 11, 2010 at 3:43 PM

    I am a Smark i suppose, but i don’t lash out at everything popular or bash people who like John Cena or Triple HHH. I know Cena can wrestle it’s just how he is booked that i don’t like. People can like what they want, but i will still coninue to read internet sites like THIS BLOG, that talks about how WWE can improve and use it’s workers better. Plus there is nothing like laughing at my ” Mark” freinds. I found this to be funny and entertaining, and wow i am glad i am not the men in the videos.

  15. Tabitha
    February 11, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    If I can switch from Smark to Mark and back again really really really fast…does this make me more awesome than the Miz?

    • Sam
      February 11, 2010 at 4:08 PM

      yes, yes it does.

      • Tabitha
        February 12, 2010 at 9:10 AM

        SWEEEEEEET!

  16. Jacob
    February 11, 2010 at 4:22 PM

    Smarks always think they’re “normal”. People who read this blog are not normal. Sorry.

    Awesome piece Andrew, I laughed pretty damn hard.

  17. rob
    February 11, 2010 at 4:28 PM

    Uhoh
    I think I am a SMARK.
    Truth hurts, I suppose.

    Well done Andrew

  18. Daniel
    February 11, 2010 at 5:55 PM

    I’m a bit of a smark, but mostly a historian. My friends get pretty frustrated with me when I call them on stupid techinicalities when we play the Submission trivia game. I don’t have many of the other qualities though; I shower regularly and have little fear around women, though success is… limited.

    …Anyway, great column. Kinda wish I’d written it, because I think about this kind of thing quite a bit. Also MB69RatedR is the greatest YouTube user of all-time. PUUUUUUUNK!!

  19. John L
    February 11, 2010 at 6:41 PM

    Jeeze based on what I just read it doesn’t sound good to be a wrestling fan period. I got into wrestling around 1995 when I was 5 but I am in no way ignorant to the current roster. Do I miss Austin or Rock? Yes but who doesn’t an I understands why they are not there so I’m not the casual fan. I’m definitely not the Historian. I openly will say I watch the product so no closet fan here. I don’t feel the company owes me a thing and I’m not know it all or over the top like the last 2. Are there any kinds of good fans? What was the exact intention of this article? Haha

  20. Mrs. Jericho
    February 11, 2010 at 6:59 PM

    i absolutely love this article. think i’ll be an Andrew
    Johnson mark.

  21. Eric Johnson
    February 11, 2010 at 7:59 PM

    That was a great read! Keep it up!! I am a smark, but after a couple of years on the indy circuit I just want to overanalyze everything.

  22. countessplaten
    February 11, 2010 at 8:04 PM

    I’m still trying to figure out whta type of a fan I am. Good read, though, made me think. :)

  23. David M.
    February 12, 2010 at 8:56 AM

    You say you hope to one day be funny- you made it today! This column was hilarious, mostly because I could see parts of myself in all the fan types (but I’m gonna claim to be “normal”). This really is a silly industry, and we as fans need to be able to laugh at just how much we contribute to that.

  24. Jacob
    February 12, 2010 at 9:35 AM

    I can’t believe some people are actually offended by this article (or at least appear to have their feelings hurt). Listen, it’s ok to laugh at yourself!

    I’ll admit that I sometimes display SOME qualities written in the SMARK section and the Closet fan section.

    Do you think I go around talking about wrestling to people in my academic and professional life? Hell no! I have my reputation to think about!

  25. Darrell
    February 12, 2010 at 9:52 AM

    I think using the term “retarded” to describe some of these fans is offensive to those who are actually mentally retarded.

    • Simon Woods
      February 18, 2010 at 2:09 AM

      Are you offended because you are mentally retarded?

      • Darrell
        February 25, 2010 at 3:40 PM

        Huh. Just saw this. Cute.

  26. Chris Greene
    February 13, 2010 at 6:35 PM

    This list based comedy reminds me of cracked.com, and I love it! More, please.

  27. February 14, 2010 at 10:12 PM

    This Andrew Johnson guy seems like a real tool. Just like all of you. Suck my toes, fruits

    • February 14, 2010 at 10:50 PM

      Lou Cool…you bastard. Every time I think I get away you track me down. I swear Lou Cool, to everything that is holy, I will make you pay…

      Grrrrr…..COOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!!!!!!

  28. Wrath_of_Sin
    February 15, 2010 at 4:05 AM

    This was funny as shit. I’m definitely a smark lol I can’t stand when people come into chat rooms saying “Seenah iz da bess!! Hiz da champ!!!” When Sheamus clearly has the belt. Speaking of which, its about time for me to go bash Cena marks. Peace and great column.

  29. Pablo Olmeda
    February 16, 2010 at 6:49 PM

    I would consider myself the casual or normal fan.

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