The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/08/10 (Batista/Mysterio)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/08/10 (Batista/Mysterio)
Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. I’m proud of myself this week because I avoided the spoilers at the request of my favorite performer in WWE who scolded me for even thinking of them. Usually I get an email from somebody at the show or somebody asking me about something that happened. Not this week. I was spoiler free heading into SD. I’m going to try it every week.

Taped from Louisville, Kentucky let’s talk some smack…

We started with Batista in the ring bitching about Mysterio costing him the win in the Beat The Clock challenge last week. He wanted Teddy Long to come out. Instead, we got Mysterio. Batista doesn’t want his match with Rey, but Rey thinks he’s scared of him. He threatens to ask the WWE Universe what they think, but Batista says “fine I’ll wrestle you.” I guess that means Batista’s scared of the WWE Universe. Anyway, that match that was already advertised for later, Batista vs. Mysterio, is still on. In other words, they needed ten minutes to fill. I really enjoy heel Batista probably because I became very tired of face Batista by the end of his run in that role. Mysterio was just average here. You can tell he even screwed up the last line at the end too.

Dolph Ziggler d. Kane via countout (*1/2)
The announcers really tried to put Ziggler over in their commentary, which is funny because the guy was barely used for the last two months. I guess this was their way of saying “we’re about to push him again” until they decide not to. My prediction last week of Kane squashing Dolph in three minutes didn’t happen. That’s nice to see. They worked hard, but it wasn’t great or anything. Ziggler hit the Zig Zag and Kane kicked out of it. Dolph put him in a sleeper (kind of, more like a chinlock) and held it on even when they were on the floor. Once the ref reached 8, Dolph ran back in the ring to beat the count. They love booking countout wins to further feuds on Smackdown. It happens a lot.

Backstage, Michelle & Layla sucked up to Beth. It was fine. Problem was they were just standing there and all of a sudden started talking as if they got a cue from a director. I think it’s better to have people walk into the scene rather than just standing there. That’s too amateurish. I’m picky, aren’t I? Anyway, the heels had a piggy trough for Mickie and Beth told them to get serious. I don’t hate Michelle and Layla in their roles mostly because Michelle’s babyface run was brutal. They’ve improved.

Backstage, Jericho was talking to the Hart Dynasty (again, have somebody walk in the scene) giving them something of a pep talk. He credited them for attacking them a couple weeks back, but said tonight they’re on the same time. All three members of THD delivered their clearly memorized, written lines. It’s not natural enough. They’ll get better, though. Jericho smirked to end it.

Chris Jericho & The Hart Dynasty d. R-Truth & Cryme Tyme (**3/4)
This was fun. Seeing Jericho team THD is awesome. I hope it’s not the last time. If this match was on Raw everybody would be hitting finishers two minutes in as the match ends after four minutes. On Smackdown, they get to work over the faces and work for 11 minutes. It was a bit odd that they’d work over Shad of all people, though. The hot tag came with JTG cleaning house and Truth helping out too. Great nearfall with JTG rolling Jericho up for two. You know why the crowd popped huge for that? Because Jericho actually loses matches on TV. He even lost to JTG in a singles match a few months back. Add that to the reasons why Jericho is the best. JTG went up top, but Chris countered with the Walls of Jericho…no THE LIONTAMER~! for the tap out win. Best part was that he put his knee on JTGs head while he did it. Fantastic. He’s first star of the night just for that.

If there is a Jericho/Hart Dynasty stable I will be very excited. I think they’re building to that. Would work perfect with Edge coming back soon, so Jericho can be the chickenshit heel hiding behind his boys. This possible stable excites me. A lot. Maybe a little too much.

Next up at the top of the hour was CM Punk – looking very Jesus like – with Luke Gallows saving a fan that wants to be Straight Edge. The person, who they called “James,” is actually Ted McNailer from OVW. This went longer than I thought. Maybe ten minutes. Maybe more. They shaved his head and announced him as the new member of the Straight Edge Society. That doesn’t mean he’s a wrestler on Smackdown. I assume this angle will continue for a couple of weeks until they get some fan who claims they’ll pledge to Punk’s society only to turn on him. That person will be a full time wrestler. Bryan Danielson perhaps? Just throwing it out there. I didn’t hate this segment or anything. It was just weird.

Luke Gallows d. Matt Hardy (*1/2)
Of course Matt Hardy lost. Does he ever win singles matches anymore? Doesn’t seem like it. You’ll notice too that there was no mention of Jeff Hardy although Punk did have the Slammy with him. Punk distracted Hardy after about five minutes leading to Gallows pinning him with the “Gallows Pole” slam that is basically a reverse full nelson figure four slam. The announcers did put over Matt Hardy in commentary although booking wise he’s looked like a loser more than anything.

Comedy time, I guess. Maria was talking with Vickie, who asked her to plug the new Mattel toys Apprentice style. She did. I’m not buying a toy. I guess we’re supposed to forget the fact that Maria played a bumbling idiot for a few years on WWE TV or even the chick that spoke like a teenage girl last summer with Ziggler? Okay, good to know. Khali came in. Teddy called Vickie fat. Khali called her fat. Vince thought this was hilarious. That’s what matters. Hey, at least there wasn’t a midget.

Beth Phoenix d. Layla (1/4*)
I give credit to Layla for becoming better as an actor. Her facial expressions are good. Michelle’s knee is apparently bothering her, so that’s why she’s barely wrestled on TV although she’s been working house shows. Beth basically squashed her after about a minute. Post match, Layla held onto her leg while Michelle came in to kick her. My girl Mickie James-Canton – dressed in her street clothes – helped Beth out. Beth then threw Michelle into Layla as they crashed on the floor. Once Beth turned to Mickie she ate a Mick Kick for the KO. This follows up on last week when Beth helped Mickie and then gave her the Glam Slam. This story is good. Best divas story in years, really. You know why it’s good? Because they’re taking their time with it. Slow build is good! I’m expecting a tag next week and then a Michelle/Beth/MJC triple threat at the Rumble although I don’t have a source on that. Really, I don’t. Or do I? Cue ominous music.

Josh Matthews interviewed Drew McIntyre. Morrison came in. They brawled. I like this feud although I don’t like that it’s probably leading to an IC title match at the Rumble, which would prevent Morrison from being a contender in the Rumble. Ah, who am I kidding? HHH is winning anyway. Yawn.

Rey Mysterio and Batista wrestled to a WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? (**)
Good description, huh? It’s cooler than saying no contest. Let’s review the feud for a moment. Batista beat Mysterio a few times. Three weeks ago Mysterio beat Batista clean in a #1 contender’s match. Two weeks ago Batista interfered during Mysterio’s title match with Undertaker. Last week, Mysterio beat the clock and screwed Batista from being able to beat the block. Now we come to this. Another Batista/Mysterio match. It wasn’t as good as their match from three weeks ago, which was basically a clinic on how to have a good big guy/little guy match. It was mostly Batista dominating the action. He went for the Batista Bomb, but the lights went out with the gong. When they came back on, he was selling a head injury. Mysterio capitalized, hit the 619 and was about to finish when the lights went out with the gong again. Undertaker’s full entrance started with the fire and everything. No sign of him. I’m assuming he wasn’t even there. The show just ended like that with both guys selling injuries in the ring.

I didn’t love the booking for this. This is not 1995. We don’t need a cheesy ending like that. My feeling is they want to do Undertaker/Batista/Mysterio at the Rumble. The problem is they have eight episodes of Smackdown between TLC and the Rumble meaning they don’t want to announce it too early. As a result, we get this kind of booking where nothing really changes. We’re basically where we were at four weeks ago.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Chris Jericho – The LIONTAMER~! FTW!
2. The Hart Dynasty – Team them with Jericho regularly, please.
3. Dolph Ziggler – I like his effort. I hope they push him again.

So I cheated and had five stars. I make up the rules as I go!

6 out of 10
Last week: 7

I thought it was okay. Nothing to really blow you away in terms of being great, but nothing too bad either aside from the attempted comedy sketch. The last two weeks were better, though. The ending of this show wasn’t very good. Left a bad taste in my mouth, at least a little bit.

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That’s it. I’ll have a column going up on Monday most likely and then back on Tuesday for the Raw Deal. The “Hire John Canton to WWE” Petition is still going strong here, so give that a look. Here are my NFL Picks for the weekend too. Click here for that. I think I’m done here.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton – oratoryjohn@gmail.com
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